The Pianist
by Dongji
Summary: "I made the mistake...He's paying the price." -Kushina. Kakashi is having trouble managing his epilepsy and is having flashbacks without knowing why. Kushina has all the answers, but is unwilling to reveal the truth just yet. Will she find the strength to do so before it's too late? Bad summary. Rated T; Please R&R! Enjoy!
1. Ch 01: Kakashi

_**Hello! Thank you in advance for giving my stor(ies) a chance! This is within months after 'Blinded By Fault', and obviously after 'I Loved You Instantly'. If you haven't read them (1 story, 1 oneshot), I highly recommend you do before reading this story. They all tie into one another. This story is in each characters' POV, mainly Kakashi and Kushina, though, so it gives y'all insight of their personal thoughts and their character traits. This is probably the biggest story in my series, so this is obviously a HUGE risk in my writing. This took forever to think of and connect and calculate and it took so much blood, sweat, and tears of frustration. Hahahahah - the life of an aspiring writer.  
**__**This explains everyone's thoughts and feelings and reasons for actions. And it's a revelation of Kakashi's past.  
**__**Rated T. Please R&amp;R, even if you just say 'toast' lolol. It's good to know that people are taking interest. Enjoy!**_

_**KAKASHI**_

AH, CHILDHOOD-THE TAKEN-FOR-GRANTED LAUGHTER. The can't-live-without hot summer days at the local playground with a melting ice cream cone in one hand and a stinging blister on the other. The unforgettable winter nights when your mother baked cookies before bedtime, and the smell of the oily diabete-infested pellets that filled the house and remained until the following night. The sense of unsurpassable excitement you got when you hear your father's car pull into the driveway in the evening.

It seems like a hell of a life, probably because I didn't get to enjoy any of that cliché trash growing up at my old house. Nope, the way I see it, there, I had two childhoods, neither of which were anything like what I had described. It was literally as if I were two different people: Kakashi Hatake the White Fang's kid and Kakashi Hatake the useless retard. Day and night. Talented ninja v. dyslexic epileptic. That being said, I was always expected to be in three and a half places when I went out-the training field, at home, or the hospital. Erika and Dad never wanted me to be out of the house for longer than necessary. Probably because they didn't want to be stuck at the hospital if something were to happen to me when they could be on another wasteful date.

The half was my master's and my aunt's house. Erika told me not to bother them that much, even though they always welcomed me with food and hospitality. It was probably a requirement to be nice to me; I was his student and her nephew, after all.

That's how it was...before Dad's suicide and before I killed Erika. Wonder how it would have been like if she was remotely normal. Like she is in my dreams. I wonder if I would have ever known about Oba being my aunt, then.  
I have no clue - this is all I can think about as I am laying here alone.

When I asked Oba that question, she just gave me a full plate of food. Basically, shut up.

Oba's a dork sometimes, but she's the best guardian. Like, a strange combination of a mother and a big sister with a teaspoons-worth of a brother, which is pretty hilarious. Of course, I can't tell her that last part; she's not afraid to kick my ass at any given moment. Embarrassing, yes. Necessary, probably.  
It could be worse, I tell myself, often thinking back to my years as Erika's punching bag and find myself unable to breathe. That's usually when I have to take a look around the living room for reassurance. My room. Strange as it sounds, yet it's been years since Ani and Oba took me in. I hope it's safe to say they're my family.

Now what am I supposed to do when said family is speeding to the hospital I've been rushed to? I know they're panicking and worried as hell and most likely breaking every law concerning driving safety.

Let's just hope one, I'll only ask for one, of them is calm enough to handle the situation. My only chance of not being crowded and hugged to death is my master. But Oba's a pretty laidback woman, that is, unless I've done something I shouldn't have or if I'm on the verge of death. That's when she gets kind of scary.  
I know Ani is as obedient as a military dog when she tells him to be. He backs off in a heartbeat once she's told him off.

Havoc is a huge understatement when the two of them are full of anguish and go into protective parent mode. I'm praying to The Lord they won't cause more of a scene.

"Kakashi?! Hey, where's my baby?!"

Damn. I feel my face burning and my head begins to throb again. I can hear harsh, staggering footsteps stomping around on the tile floor. Nurses are squealing in either shock or fear. Or both. This is exactly what I'm afraid of.

"Ma'am, I'm gonna have to ask you to calm down-"

"Shut up and tell me where my baby is!"

"Shina, I know you're worried. I am too, but-"

"Dad, do NOT start!"

Uh-oh. Whenever either of them say not to start it usually means they've been arguing beforehand. I almost snicker, knowing that my self-proclaimed new grandpa is miserably losing the fight. I guess 'Sage' is meaningless when it comes to his tongue. Ani's probably on another mission.

"Shina-"

"You be quiet!"

I want to get out of bed to tell them to keep it down and stop acting like children, but I can barely move. My body is foreign.

The nearest doctor leads them to my bed. Instantly, Oba rushes and hugs me tightly, but gently, as Master Jiraiya thanks the woman.  
Let me tell you, this doctor was so freakin' hot. Was. I tried hitting on her when I came to. All I said was that she had pretty eyes...meaning tits. I tried not to laugh when she took that long moment of silence to button up her uniform's collar-she was blushing. It WAS a compliment, after all. She then just patted my head and called me "cute," which is like poison. An automatic hell no.  
Eh, it's not like I was trying to flatter her or anything anyways...

"Oh, Oi!" Oba cries. I do my best not to groan wearily, and bring up a hand to grasp her shirt. She just came from a mission, too, I guess.  
Master Jiraiya comes over and places his large hand on my head, ruffling my hair, gingerly. The white wrapping around my head feels tighter with every heartbeat. "What's wrong with you? Making us worry..!"

"My bad, Oba." I say gulitly, dropping my head. She fixes the blanket on my lap, trying to keep me warm.

"What hurts?" Master Jiraiya asks, arms crossed.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I'm such a liar. From what I've heard, I had had a seizure hours ago while on a mission with some other higher-ups on the Fire's border. One second I'm thrown against a boulder in a fight, the next I'm on the ground, completely unable to control the rapid vibrations in my center. Unable to move. Pretty sure I scraped my head; that would definitely prove the blood that leaked from my temples. I passed out and woke up in this white, asylum-looking room with nurses and doctors arguing over my body.

"No, you're not." Oba begins scolding. The sharpness in her violet eyes make me flinch. I can hear her voice raising with every word. "You just had a seizure and hit your head hard enough to make it bleed. How are you so passive about this, Kakashi?!"

"U-uh..." I stammer. Usually I'm referred to as 'baby' or some kind of random term of endearment relating to a food. "I'm sorry, Oba. Master Jiraiya." When I'm in deep shit, then I'm Kakashi - my name being used kind of depends on the situation; it's more of the tone that says it all-or, if they're too pissed off to even think of my name, You or Smart-Ass.

Oba sighs and runs her hand through her hair as if that were not the right answer. She turns around, gives her adoptive father a look, and then speaks up, placing a warm hand over my IV-ed arm. "Honey," which is a food, "what happened? How did you get here?" She is talking slowly to me like I was some illegal alien or a dumb-ass. I know she's not doing this intentionally. I DID just have an episode.

I glance at Jiraiya, who now stands on my other side, watching me with razor eyes. I notice that his hair needs to be trimmed. Why's he looking at me like that?  
Why did Oba react like that? I look back to my aunt, deciding not to lie. "I honestly don't remember much. But I remember not being able to move. And I was on the ground. Next thing I know, I'm here."

The two adults make eye contact and then look again at me. Oba's thumb smoothes over the needle in my skin, and it sends shivers up my spine. I really, really hate needles. Master Jiraiya comes over to my bedside and sits down by my legs, seeing no point in being pissed off at me. His eyes have softened with sympathy.

Oba's studying my face and I automatically know she can see how afraid I am. She can read me without even trying. Besides Ani, I believe she's the only person who can. The annoying beeping of my heart monitor speeds up for an instant when I get nervous from all the attention. I can feel my palms sweating. I break eye contact with her, declining the observation session. Right now, a cliché and random stethoscope that rests on the counter to my left holds more importance. Oba's eyes shift from the screen of my heart monitor to Jiraiya when he gasps in surprise at my pulse's jumpy pace and then back to me. I gulp, inside and out.

"Y'know, if the doctor says you're okay," she says, "we can drive along the lake like you wanted the other day." They both smile, one excitedly, the other gently. It's funny how a small tragedy comes with perks.

Despite the fact that I'm totally psyched to hear her actually agree to something like that, I'm taken back, my nose crinkles on cue. "You said that that area's full of homeless people and lazy potheads." I remember when she muttered that to me on the drive home from school last week when I had originally asked.

"I don't recall saying that." she claims, though I can see through her lie. Master Jiraiya looks back and forth between us.

"You went into a whole political tangent about it for the next two hours, for Christ's sake!" I say. "And then you got pissed and started mad-dogging the Hokage's 'empty-headed materialism'."

Oba flushes and looks away for a moment, probably feeling her dad's eyes on her. She forgets that I remember almost everything I'm told, especially when it's in an argument. Almost.

"That sounds like you." the old man says, voice full of I-told-you-so. He continues watching her play with her hair until she speaks to me.

"You're so lucky you weren't born when Papa was. If someone heard you say that, you'd earn me an immediate execution."

I smirk patronizingly. "Care to enlighten me as to why that was?" Master Jiraiya cackles at her.

"Ah, so even after a seizure, you're still a little smart-ass." Oba returns. I give a face. She chuckles at me. "Anyway, what I said doesn't matter. As long as we all stay in the car and LISTEN to me," she emphasizes through gnashed teeth to my 'grandpa', who rolls his eyes and clicks his tongue, "we'll be fine."

"Really?" Jiraiya glares at her, dangerously. "You want to start this again? In the ER?"

Oba shrugs. "I was just saying. What, now I can't ask for something that stupidly simple?"

"Did I say that, Kushina?!"

"You implied it, Dad!"

I cannot hold back the small laugh that rips from my throat. It's rare to see her get so angry with her dad that she'd keep the argument going after it's done. I'm surprised she hasn't snapped his head off yet. Both of them look at me in realization that I'm a witness. Immediately, I'm crowded with stutterous Kakashi-we-didn't-for-you-to-see-that's and Look-we-weren't-fighting-we-were-discussing-an-issue-in-a-kindly-manner's. I shake my head and croak, "That sounds like fun, you guys," in the efforts to spare them from each other's wrath. "You know what we should do there?"

"What?" both ask simultaneously.

"Slow down and offer a hobo a ride and then speed off when he tries to get in."

The heavy blanket of grey is lifted...for now. Oba is laughing the hardest, and she has to cover her face. Jiraiya's just smiling and shaking his head at my display of blackheartedness.

"What'd be even better would be if we actually let him get halfway in the car and then speed up and let him fall out on his face." Oba adds. That makes me laugh-all three of us, actually. "Or maybe that's too cruel."

"And what would you do if he actually got hurt and couldn't move?" Jiraiya asks.

Oba and I both shrug, almost like twins. Copying each other. In sync. "Grab a beer and pull up a chair." she says.

"I second that." I declare.

I'm actually amazed that Master isn't joining in on our little plot. From all the stories I've heard from Ani, he was a very wild person during his childhood. I also heard that Oba used to drag Ani around all day long like a puppy. Funny how people change, but it's even funnier how some things never do. Like how she can still drag him around to places he doesn't want to go and how he can still swoon her in a reserved manner. Except now, it's the grocery store instead of the Third's forbidden quarters and breakfast in bed instead of packages of ramen at her doorstep.

After the laughter dies down, I feel Oba's soft hand hold mine. She's smiling affectionately at me as if she's proud of me. "You're gonna be okay, kiddo." She turns to Jiraiya. "I'll go find the doctor. See how long it'll take to dispatch him."

"Okay. I'll be here, of course." he says with a smirk.

"Be right back." She gives my hand a tight squeeze before getting up and pushing aside the curtain to leave. There is a moment of silence between me and Jiraiya. He's frowning, hands running through his white hair. He's panicking.

"Master Jiraiya?" I croak. My throat is full of bile, so I swallow it down hard.

He shakes his head. "It's nothing. I'm okay." This is the first time I've seen this strong, outspoken man shrink down to a little boy. I feel like I'm the adult here, standing at six feet with a body full of classy liquor and expensive cigar smoke. All I need is a fedora and I'm all set.

I guess people get like that when they're worried.

A mischievous grin curls on my face. "So...who's losing the fight? Oba?"

"You know she'll never admit it."

"What happened? I could hear you two fighting the minute you came up the elevator."

His eyes enlarge as if asking 'We were THAT loud?' I nod. And like a tomato he flushes and looks away. "Wow," is all he has to say at first. "It was just over something stupid. You know how fed up your Oba gets when something's not as she wants it, especially when it costs money. Only this time, she forgot that SHE left the fridge open. Not me."

I snicker. "That's not what it seems like."

"No! It is! I'm winning; she's just a sore loser!"

Master's the sore loser. When he realizes that all he has done is make a scene and once I give his my own I-told-you-so face, he calms himself.

"Is Oba mad at me?" Now I feel microscopic. Heat rises to my face and neck again. I break eye contact and rake my bangs out of my face with my free hand.

He gingerly pats my head, dropping his frown, now bearing a light smile. "Isn't she always?"

I smile broadly. I can see Oba through a crack in the white curtains, whispering harshly to a frightening receptionist.

For some reason my eyes advance to her engagement ring. Its gold brilliance shimmers in the solar-powered lights that beam over my head. I can imagine Ani's face when he spent a fortune on it-a hand balled to a clammy fist, the other rubbing the back of his neck, a glean of nervousness in his hesitant, passionate eyes. Maybe even a migraine. He's sensitive when it comes to money. And he taught Oba.

Once, I accidentally left the sink running after washing dishes after dinner. I was about to leave to spend an eternity in my room like any other teenager when I came face-to-face with her chest.

"Um..." I dragged out, my eyes popped up to look her in the eyes. "Is something wrong?"

"You tell me." She was giving me The Look while her arms folded, impatiently. "IS something wrong?"

I shrugged and gave her my own version of The Look, which earned me a long lecture about the "value of money and the treasure that is reservation" and a month to pay half of the water bill. It was hell; I had completed an assful of C-ranked missions and still just barely made it, probably because I'm still on the minor's budget. I should've just taken the grounding for my attitude.

Oba reenters the room with a very uncomfortable-looking doctor. The old man looks at me furtively while I glance at my guardian. I meet my aunt's eyes and let her read them, 'What did you do to him?'

Her violet irises reply, 'Nothing at all. You needed a doctor, I got you a doctor.'

'He looks like he's gonna shit himself.'

Oba's face tightens in a scowl. 'Language.'

"So," The old man catches our attention. "Kakashi Hatake...age thirteen...Jonin..."

I cock an eyebrow. "Uh...hi...?"

He's scribbling on some paper while flipping through a few on his clipboard. He has a very sad-looking pair of eyeglasses resting on the tip of his enormous nose. His grey eyebrows scrunch downwards in thought. "How do you feel?"

"Fine. Can I go now?" I ask, tired of this whole hospital thing. Master mutters my name in warning, telling me to be patient and not to give the poor bastard a hard time. His black eyes are serious. He rarely scolds me like this. I groan and close my eyes.

Expectedly, the trauma doctor chuckles at my getting into trouble while he scans my test results from the MRI I had received hours ago. I am certain that my foot needs to connect to his ass. "We'll see, son. From what I'm reading and analyzing, it shouldn't be long. But I want to look into your medical history first, just to be safe."

"You WANT to?" I ask stubbornly, my voice full of annoyance.

"Excuse me?" His brown eyes peel up to me, his head still bowed. He gives Oba and Master a concerned, confused frown. They look speechlessly at me.

"You said you WANTED to. That doesn't mean you HAVE to. You said I'm good, so I can go, right? Like, now?" And just like that, my smart-ass-ness is showing.

"Kakashi." Oba's smooth voice startles me. I make sure my eyes do not switch to her, though I can already picture her face. It's not a pleasant one.

"Okay, okay." I say before she can go on to lecture.

She gives the doctor an apologetic smile; probably making up for whatever she said or did earlier that horrified the elderly man in the first place. "I'm sorry...he's not having such a good day, obviously. Take as long as you need."

The doctor nods at her and then at Jiraiya, who returns the gesture. "I'll be back in a flash." He's trying to comfort me. When he leaves, I wish he didn't because-

"What the hell was that about?"

I sigh. "What? He couldn't've brought whatever he needed with him when he came in here? We would be done quicker!"

"I told him not to. For your privacy. Stop giving him hell just because you're not getting what you want." Oba growls back. Her dad takes her hand, forgetting about their recent dispute.

"Why?" I snarl. "You want to wait another ten hours just to hear that I'm freakin' four-ten this year?! Oh, yeah, that calls for a celebration!"

"Kakashi, you better-" Her threat gets cut short when her dad whispers something in her ear. Oba's frown remains, but she's listening to him. Everything's put on pause like a movie. When he pulls away, she nods before turning back to me, hands in pockets. "Where was I?"

"'Kakashi, you better...'" I mock her tone, pleating the blanket into folds on my lap. "Since when can't I speak my mind?"

"Since you started being rude."

"I was only being rude when YOU started pushing me."

"I wouldn't've pushed if YOU had listened to Papa when he told you to stop."

My monitor's beeping begins to race-the irritation swelling inside my chest burns. Which is not good. I'm stupid when I get angry. "Well, maybe I wouldn't've been so pissed if you had found the doctor faster! What, did you stop for ramen on your way?!"

Oba looks like she wants to slap me. The second those words escape my mouth, I want to snatch them back and shove them down my throat. I can be a little demanding sometimes; I expect her to coerce me, "If you don't knock this crap off now, I'll make sure you spend a week in the hospital." To my displeasure, she remains silent. Instead, she is grimacing at me in the way that automatically forces me to shut up.

"Okay, just stop it. Both of you." Jiraiya interrupts. "Kakashi, stop with the attitude. The doctor's trying his best to get you home and your aunt's doing this for your own good. Shina, can I talk to you?"

She nods and gives me a sharp glare. "Don't move."

"Damn, how'd you know?" I joke, my version of an apology. I know it worked because a small smirk forms on her face before she turns her back to me, opening the curtain for herself.

Jiraiya shoots me a look on his way out. "Jerk."

I shoot him one back. "Jack-ass."

The makeshift room falls silent. I can hear their bickering voices fading with every step. Adults are so weird. I rest my head against the headboard and shut my eyes again. I can smell rubbing alcohol everywhere and it's making me nervous. In the next room, a child-I can't really make out the gender-is hollering as a nurse is trying to stick an IV into its arm. I can hear the mother comforting it while the father is trying to distract it with a toy. As if that will work...

It really makes me wonder what my parents did when I got my first shot. When I first discovered my fear. I wonder if they brought me toys and tried to make me laugh or if they simply held my hand. I try to remember. I can see their faces, but somehow cannot backtrack to that day. I remember how scary it was, how I had to be held down by two frantic nurses. I hear someone talking soothingly to me, but I can't make out who.  
"...Koki," which is my family nickname, "I get that it's scary, but you gotta stay still. It's gonna be over soon, I promise. C'mon now...hold my hand." It's probably Dad. "'Atta boy! I KNEW you could do it!"

Thinking about it makes my head throb more. Maybe going on a memory scavenger hunt right now is not such a good idea. I cringe just as Oba comes back. She looks so exhausted and fed up with this place. Her chakra smells kind of weird-not bad weird, just different as if it's being exercised. I can sense it draining slightly. It's probably the medicine. She's a busy woman most of the time, but she rare lets anyone see that she needs to rest. Luckily, the Third's giving her some time off the battlefield with pay.  
She sits on my bed.

"You okay?" she asks.

"Mm-hm." I notice that she is alone. "Where's Master?"

"He's getting coffee. All the worry is stressing his out." Oba says, and she squints her eyes. Usually she does this when she's thinking, brooding maybe.

"Whatcha thinking about?" I ask, tilting my head. A habit. She stares at me intently for an instant. She chuckles and takes my hand again.

Usually I get embarrassed when people show affection towards me. Probably because of my history: Dad used to kiss me and hold my hand or imprison me in a bear hug in front of everyone everywhere we went. All hell broke lose when he tickled me when I tried to escape.  
You know those scenes in those heartwarming family dramas where the kid would be getting dropped off at school and the parent would say, "Where's my hug?" or "I'm not leaving until I get a kiss goodbye!"? Welcome to my world, when everything was as it should be. Before all the rest happened.

But despite that, right now I do not even think about pulling away. Secretly I allow myself to hold onto Oba's hand in return. "C'mon, tell me." I say. I sound like a nagging housewife. "I feel like you're hiding something from me."

"You sound like a nagging housewife." my aunt jokes.

I cock an eyebrow. "Like Ani?"

"Is that your way of telling me you want me to pay more attention to you?" Her thumb runs over the back of my hand.

"Yeah, I'm totally desperate like that. Thanks a lot." I snap, though it only makes her smile mockingly. "Now would you just tell me? You know I hate suspense."

"Well, aren't you impatient today?" she sighs.

"What are you thinking about?" I push, not allowing myself to be bested.

Oba looks away for a moment, maybe watching my vital signs. "What I'm thinking about. You worry about yourself, Oi."

I want to ask her more, but I know I'll only make a fool out of myself. Instead, I bite my tongue and look at our entangled hands, at the different shades of our skin tones. At our matching bullet scars that rub against each other. Oba's staring at my tattoo on my right forearm. It's been months since Tengoku, and still the numbers have not even begun fading. They still look pretty brand new - minus the burning skin and bulking.

Her eyes are full of regret and hurt as they trace out the digits - all through the entire thing: _**0021148.**_ We do not talk about it much, but it's almost like I'm a branded cow that was rescued from the slaughterhouse.

When I let myself get drawn into her focused irises, I can see how much she hates the damn thing. Every design of my charcoaled flesh she wants to tear off and burn. Never to see again. It cannot be healthy for her to think like this, with the stress and all. "Oba-"

"Alright!" Right on cue, the same idiot doctor from before returns. He's awfully cheerful. Guess he's built back some confidence after being told off by Oba.

Jiraiya scurries to Oba's side, holding a HUGE cup of coffee. Hell, it's almost too big for him to hold with one hand! She gives her dad a displeased face, eyes squinting with drawn down eyebrows. He returns with an oblivious face and mutters, "What?"

She does not say anything, and gestures an open hand at his humongous cup with wide eyes as if testing him. Jiraiya blinks in question and Oba drops her shoulders.

"It's a macchiato!" he says, innocently.

"It's a WHAT?" My aunt groans. "Look, nevermind. That's way too big for you, Papa."

Here we go...  
I'm literally counting down to myself, "3...2...1..."

"Don't you tell me what's too big for me!" Master flicks her on the forehead. Oba flinches; it makes me laugh.

"Ahem." the doctor interrupts. They look simultaneously at him with wide eyes, and he nods at me. A silent gesture meaning it's the moment of truth.

Oba turns pink, which is odd. Master crosses his arms and drinks his maca-whatever. The doctor turns to me, "So, you have quite a history, my boy."

I shrug. "I try."

"AH!" Everyone peers at my motherly guardian, who is blushing and smacks Jiraiya, who is trying not to smile, upside the head. When he and I make eye contact, he just shakes his head, disregarding what just happened.

But, living with them for years, I know how they play. Jiraiya is usually the one to start physically messing with people, often bumping into people on purpose or poking them. That's when it's on. Oba gets revenge in a more childish way, like pulling pranks and putting shaving cream on toothbrushes. When she and Ani 'play,' things get...kind of sexual.  
And don't think I watch them! I don't! They are both shameless about it. Needless to say, it gets pretty loud in the house. Spend a night there and you tell me how the hell I'm supposed to sleep!

"I'm, uh, I'm sorry." Oba stammers. Again, odd. "Please go on."

Dr. Happy-Go-Lucky laughs. I lecture in a raspy whisper through grinding teeth, "Play grab-ass at home! Come ON! Of all places..."

Jiraiya just laughs in my face. I roll my eyes; I feel like a babysitter. The doctor clears his throat, snatching our attention. "I apologize." The old man smiles broadly. "Y'know how kids are. Can't get them to shut up."

"Are you kidding me?!" I protest.

"Hush, Kakashi."

"If you don't mind," Dr. Jack-Ass speaks out, his glasses still slouching on his nose, which I notice is crooked. I wonder which lucky bastard broke it. "I'd like to discuss the results now."

"Go 'head." Jiraiya says, now a patronizing grin planted on his face.

When the doctor's jaw drops while he looks through my papers, Oba looks like she wants to pass out. She's fidgeting. "Your test results look completely normal..! It's...It's a miracle!" He is shaking in excitement. He pats my IV hand, and I look at him dubiously.

"Uh...What?" I ask.

"It's almost as if you never had the seizure!" He is flipping through my papers again. "That means you're free to go. But, I advise that you rest for a few days to let that gash heal-"

"Screw that." I interrupt. I hate sitting around sometimes, especially when someone tells me to.

"Kakashi!" Both guardians jeer at the same time.

"That's alright." Dr. Pushover waves his hand, unaffected by my outburst. "Like I said, take it easy. Now," he turns to the adults, "he may feel fatigued from all the medicine that's in his system for the next couple of hours. The best thing for him is sleep. If he experiences any other symptoms, give your pediatrician a call. It may be smart to schedule an appointment with a neurologist just to be safe."

"Symptoms how?" Jiraiya asks, sipping his coffee.

The doctor glances at me, cocking an eyebrow. "Loss of appetite, nausea, constipation or diarrhea-"

"Why'd you have to stare at me when you said that?" I snap, face reddening. I shoot a glare at Oba, who, as expected, is giving me The Look for being a jerk. But I don't care right now.

"Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, son. Now, I'll call in a nurse and you'll be out of here in no time!"

Jiraiya stands and shakes his hand, firmly. "Thank you so much." he says, kindly. Oba bows her head at him in respect.

The man smiles and nods at each of them. He waves at me. "Take care, Kakashi."

"Thanks." I say, almost without really meaning it. I start to feel drowsy. Probably a mixture of the drugs and the adrenaline of this whole event. It's been...interesting, but so freakin' irritating. What really makes my night is when the nurse finally gets the needle out of my arm. After that, everything kind of turns to a blur...

_**Please R&amp;R!**_


	2. Ch 02: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

KOKI'S ASLEEP IN THE BACK. PAPA HAS NOT SAID A WORD since we left the hospital. Every time I glance at him, he is peering out the window at the darkness. The passing rays of orange light from the streetlights adorn his aged features. He does not notice me, or maybe he does and is choosing to ignore me. Depends if he is still upset about our fight. He usually pouts longer than I do.

All I'm thinking about is that it's been almost six hours since we were rushing to Mercy Hospital while arguing about who left the fridge open. A confrontation that tracked back to the time I forgot to pay the electric bill; I countered by reminding him of his own never-ending record of carelessness. From that point, he was reduced to a muted pout and crossed arms, glaring at the highway ahead while listening to my rant. Passive-aggressively refusing to answer my questions or even look in my general direction, that is until I really pressured him to respond.

Regret weighs ponderously on me like cinderblocks. It really was a stupid argument. Combining my temper with the many incapable drivers on an overpopulated freeway...well, let's just say I deserve a citation. Not necessarily for speeding fifteen over, but for pushing my baby too hard.  
He was frothing from the hood when we got to Mercy. To my dad's dismay, I nearly jumped out of the car, ready to raise some hell in the lobby. Papa had to grab my hair and scream, "You're gonna hurt yourself! Stop being stupid!"

But stupidity seems to be my forté.

The green clock beside the muted radio reads 22:57. I prefer to use 24-hour clocks rather than 12-hour. It just makes more sense to me - Koki feels the same. The hours are definite, never having to rely on AM and PM to be understood. But my dad finds it difficult to comprehend.

"Why does it have to be so complicated? I don't want to do math every time I check the time!" he once complained to me on a drive around the outskirts during his first ride in my car. I was sixteen.

I'm brought back to that day when "When Doves Cry" comes on the quiet radio. Papa loves that stupid song.

It's funny how a song about tragedy can be so upbeat and catchy that it can make someone actually groove to the artist's grief. It's almost as if he is trying to add some obscurity to his art, trying to fool the public into thinking happiness and true love is without a price. Thinking it never backfires and bites you in the ass.

An hour later, when I hear Papa moan in half-sleep beside me, I touch his hand. When our eyes meet and he winks at me, I feel a smirk forming on my face. He is the kind of person you can take one small glance at and forget all your troubles. This is how I know he's forgiven me, and soon I find myself forgiving him for leaving the fridge open.

We both take a glance at Koki. Papa turns in his seat, squinting while I peer through the rearview mirror. The boy's out cold. It is difficult to distinguish his hair from the loose bandages he's been fidgeting with. I told him not to touch them, but, what can I say, he's stubborn as hell. I feel a migraine arousing behind my eyeballs, which worsens when a car on the opposite side of the road speeds by. The idiot cannot seem to understand the difference between low and high-beam lights.

_**##**_

When we pull up to the house, Papa wakes up. After turning off the car, I let out a heavy sigh and take a moment to lean my head against the headrest, feeling the stress of the day closing in on my brain. 'Jesus, either strike me down now or get this damn thing out of me before I start a riot!' I curse. It just occurred to me how tired I am...

Koki's still sleeping, snoring almost. I rub my eyes and get out of the car. He refuses to move even when I open his door. "Honey, c'mon. We're home."

I poke him in the side, watching him flinch before grimacing in annoyance. It's too easy to irritate him, but, hey, I have to get his attention. Tickling him's the easiest and fastest way. I hear him growl a low, "Stop." He does not move.

"Wake up, wake up." I urge, poking him again in the same area. This time, he fights back a smile and covers himself. The night's air is very comfortable, not too cold or hot. Can't say I blame him for not wanting to move. Papa comes around to our side. He groans and mutters an almost inaudible "I'm awake, alright," as I'm reaching to the other side to unbuckle his seatbelt.

"C'mon. I'll do it again if you don't get up right now."

"...Don't."

"You want me to carry you?" Papa asks, considering the condition of his weak, drug-infected body. He needed to lean on Papa and me on our way out of the ER.

I see a slight grin on his face, exposing a thin line of white teeth. "I'm almost fourteen."

"And you're a midget." Papa says as I pull him to a sitting position by his arm. Not my best strategy...  
He again groans and does not have it in him to hold his own. When he collapses against my chest, I abandon the thought of making him walk and pick him up bridal style. Papa holds his hands to me, a gesture asking if Koki's too heavy. I shake my head.

"Am...not." He is almost asleep again. I shut the car door with my foot while Papa grabs the house keys from my hand and hurries to the door. "Freakin' hate drugs...right now."

"Be grateful for them. Trust me. At least you won't have a problem sleeping tonight." I say. Koki is clutching my shirt in a loose fist. This is his way of saying that he wants me near him, and that if I dare tell anyone about this, surely he would have my head. "And whaddya mean 'right now'?"

Koki changes the subject. "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

"That blow to your head knock out your common sense? Of course not."

"Oba," I look down at him.

"What?"

"What was wrong with you at the hospital? You looked...different. And your chakra was acting up, too."

I hesitate to answer the question. How could I have looked different without noticing? "It's the drugs, boy. Don't worry about it." I lie. Listening to his breathing patterns, it is clear he's knocked himself out already.

Papa holds the door open for us. He is looking closely at my kid before sending a pout of concern my way. "He's fine. Just tired as hell." I say as he touches Koki's hair, matting down the wayward silvery mess.

"Kushina." He's looking at me, eyes full of intent. I know exactly what he is trying to tell me. When I frown and shake my head, he comes closer. "Then what're you gonna do?"

"I made a vow, Papa."

"Okay, whatever. But what do you want to do? Look at him."

"This isn't as bad as it looks." I lie. "He needs to rest."

Papa's face scrunches. "How is THIS helping anyone?"

"I..." I know he is right. That's why I keep my mouth shut, unable to think of anything to say back. 'I've got it under control'? Even when I really don't? I'm staring at Koki - more specifically his necklace - as my dad, maybe regretting that question, kisses me on the head and starts to my nephew's room to prepare the couch, beckoning me over.

After closing the front door with my heel, I follow and, balancing Koki in my arms. Papa goes straight to work, straightening and smoothing out the blankets, fluffing the pillow. Persistent as always.

When he holds the blanket open by its flap, I place my Koki into the cocoon. He still does not move, but I know this is so because he is a deep sleeper. His grasp on my shirt does not falter. In an instant, he's six months old again. I pry his fingers from my collar and tuck him in while Papa cracks the window.

He stands back with me, his eyes glowing in the darkness. A small smile forms on his face. I know that look; the look of comfort.

See, one of his many dreams on his bucket list include seeing me and my husband start a family - adopting a helpless child like he did with me and Nani. Sounds close enough to what Koki was five years ago when he had moved in. It's almost like he came in a deluxe package - I wanted another music fanatic in the house besides the two of us, we got a master instrumentalist. Nani wanted a house full of life, he can summon storms with the way he acts when enraged-which is honestly hilarious.

Minato wanted a son; another person to protect me when he could not, someone he can bestow his greatest treasures to. Well, Koki fit right where he needed to. He's taken on armed robbers who snuck into the house when Nani was away on a mission. He defended me with his life, and we rewarded him with a week off from school. But we know that would never be enough to express our gratitude. And it cost him that weeks' worth of make-up work. And me, I got that weeks' worth of constant bitching and resentful sarcasm.

Moving on, with every child comes sacrifice. That damn expensive annual fee for his education. That damn expensive annual check-up for his dyslexia at the only doctor specializing in learning disabilities. Feeding, clothing, and caring for a third person. The countless disagreements that ultimately lead to stupid arguments and eventual I-hate-you's. But even with all that comes a sense of newfound pride.

By the time I'm thirty - no, twenty-five - I'll have grey hairs...

Koki shifts in his sleep. I take Papa's hand and lead him out the room after I kiss his forehead. He shuts the door after me and once again, I feel sorrow striking my heart, slicing and stabbing. Papa squeezes my hand.

**_Please R&amp;R!_**


	3. Ch 03: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

IT'S WINTER.

I'm sitting on top of the couch of a warm house, staring out the window at the snow that falls from the sky. It's rare for the Leaf to get anything greater than a rainstorm. Usually it's sunshine and clouds and wind. The glass is extremely cold; my fingers almost burn when I touch it.

"Koki." A sluggish voice calls me. I peer over my shoulder to see who it is, but it's just fog outlining a person. I frown in confusion. "Get down from there. You could fall."

I feel nothing but warmth as the fog picks me up under the arms and holds me close.

"You hungry?"

For some reason, I cannot find my words. Instead I stare blankly at this weird thing. I take a look around and realize that I do not recognize any of it.

In the kitchen, I am set down in a high chair and suddenly I can hear someone singing. I'm able to make the song out as "The Color of Love" by Boyz II Men. Whoever this is has a nice voice and I feel myself growing dramatically tired. Then, a high-pitched screeching makes me cringe just as I see my father enter the room. He's still in his work clothes, proof that he had had a long, stressful week. He needs to shave.

Sakumo and the mist start talking as I am given a bowl of what looks like horse crap and a spoon. 'You've got to be kidding me,' I think to myself. 'If you think I'm eating this, you must be crazy!' I push the bowl away in disgust.

My ears are regenerating slowly. I cannot make out any words, but only what sounds like the grown-ups in the Charlie Brown series. The fog sits at the table with me, continuing to speak with my dad. It scoops a spoonful of the brownish-green crap and borderline shoves it down my throat. Strangely, I can't taste anything.

It takes a napkin and wipes my face with it. By this gesture, I'm pretty sure this is Erika. And just like that, the white mist lifts and I can see my mother's face. She looks oddly different; a patient face, colored eyes that almost glow, her hair is longer than I remember. She's making faces at me to get me to eat whatever that crap is.

Sakumo takes a beer from the fridge and sits down beside my mother. He chugs it and touches my face. "Hey, son." he says. "Thanks so much for doing this. I apologize; it's been hectic."

"Sure. It's really no big deal." Erika smirks and continues to feed me, laughing at my making a mess. "He's a good boy, but I can tell he misses you."

"I know..." my father looks pained. He swooshes his beer around in the brown bottle. My mom makes a face, probably from the smell.

"U-uh, no offense, but don't you think you shouldn't drink in front of him?" She's so different. I do not remember her being so soft-spoken. Her eyes slide to the right, away from her husband.

Sakumo chuckles and stands up. "Right. I totally forgot. My bad." He ruffles Erika's hair to a mess, strands hang over her eyes. She rolls her eyes and blows in irritation at her hair. I laugh.

I hear her mutter a low 'Don't touch my hair,' but my father's already gone. I can hear him laughing in the background. She tries to feed me another spoonful, but I turn my head just in time for it to cram into my neck. The feeling of the squishy food makes me want to gag. I see that she's not paying attention to me, in another realm or something. I push the spoon away from me before it can cause any more damage.

"Ugh, Koki..." she complains and picks up another napkin to clean me off. A smile is planted firmly on her face so I know she's not really upset. For an unknown reason, I jerk my head away when the paper towel meets my skin. Even in this...whatever it is, I'm a stubborn jerk. "Look what you did!"

I blink at her like she's speaking Greek, continuing to move away from the dreaded cleaning item. Seeing that my silent tantrum is not going to die down anytime soon, Mom gains the upper hand and grabs my face to hold me steady.

When I become irritated, she says, "Stay still...'atta boy."

Another deafening cry makes me shut my eyes for a moment. When I open them, I'm in a dark room. You know whenever you're supposedly asleep and wake up to that sickening feeling you get when you are falling? It's as if your spirit is being rebounded from God back to the body. Rejected.

I notice my heart is pounding harshly while I stare at the ceiling. The moonlight from the window makes the shadows of the branches from the cherry-blossom tree scatter across the room. I sit up and brush my fingers through my hair and notice that I'm drenched in sweat. My temples thud like a gong.  
It's not long, though, until the drugs do their magic and knock me out again.

_**Please R&amp;R!**_


	4. Ch 04: Mikoto

_**MIKOTO**_

IT ALL SEEMS SURREAL - KAKASHI HAVING A SEIZURE, and soon recovering as if nothing is wrong. Simply the thought of a boy so young suffering from something that harsh gets me all hyped up and stressed. A child should never be put in that situation. A child should never have to suffer.

Kushi's on the phone with Jiraiya in the kitchen. He went home after they brought Kakashi home. I peek in to see her sitting on the counter, leaning against the bay window. She glances at me with slit, irritated eyes when I set a basket of laundry on the dinner table and go to work. She is still wearing the clothes she wore to the hospital.

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see her cover the bottom portion of the phone. "Ko, need a hand?" she asks.

"I got it." I smile at her. "Say hi to Sensei for me."

Kushi nods and leans back. "Yeah, that was Ko. She says hi." Even from where I'm sitting, I can hear Jiraiya-Sensei's booming voice blasting from the speaker. Occasionally she would flinch in surprise at the unexpected loudness. She pulls the phone from her ear with a frown forming on her brow. "This is one hell of a greeting."

I laugh when she rolls her eyes as her father goes on and on and on about God-knows-what. Usually those two chatter away for hours, but from the unresponsive and overall irritated behavior that is flowing from my sister that makes the air dense, I can tell she is nowhere near in the mood for his lectures. I can see a vein popping out of the side of her forehead. The spot I always see Minato kiss whenever she has a migraine.

I fold one of her work shirts and set it in her pile beside Kakashi's, which lies next to Jiraiya-Sensei's and mine. Kushi's pile holds the most clothing, I have to mix them within my own and Kakashi's, who also has quite a handful.

When I finish, I arrange the four lop-sided stacks into the basket again and set it on the side. My tea, which has been cooling for the last few minutes, releases these small translucent spirals that disappear before they are given time to be appreciated.

At the exact time I reach out for it, I hear the living room door slide open. My sister does not seem to notice, she's turned around, facing the bay window while leaning over the counter. She runs her hand through her hair as she informs Minato of tonight's ordeal, telling him he doesn't have to hurry home from the mission. Must be a three-way call.

I begin to unintentionally eavesdrop on her conversation. "...so, we were waiting there for, like, half an hour and still, no one came to check on him or even look at him. I told you, the ER's always crowded as hell!...No...no, Papa stayed with him while I went to find the freakin' doctor." I hear Sensei gobble on again, then Minato, in his usual quiet voice says something, and soon Kushi starts laughing. "Nah, I wasn't THAT mean to him-the man ain't got a backbone. And on top of that, he's an idiot!"

I sense a presence before me. Startled, I see Kakashi standing there. His eyes are slit and vacant. I automatically know he's sleepwalking. "Hi, honey," I say, smiling. "What's wrong?"

"Nightmare." he replies in a low voice. I look closely at him, his posture, and realize that he is wobbling.

Kushi's told me that his nightmares and night terrors are a normal thing - as well as insomnia and sleepwalking. When it's not one thing, it's the other. He cannot be blamed, though. He's been through all sorts of hell; reality and absurdity, domestic and foreign. I would be concerned if he had bounced back as if nothing happened-concerned, but maybe relieved.

I remember back in the fall season, when I was staying with my sister while our husbands were away, I was awakened in the middle of a humid night to the sound of rough stumbling. Of course, Kushi was already at her feet before I even opened my eyelids.

"What was that?" I asked, more surprised than afraid.

Kushi's eyes were shining through the darkness like crystal. "I don't know." Her calm voice gave me reassurance. As I was about to tell her it was nothing when she said, "Stay here. I'll be right back."

I nodded. "Okay. Be careful." I whispered. Turns out, that oh-so-scary noise was Kakashi. He was sleepwalking up to our room for some reason and, I guess, tripped on the stairs and fell to his doom. Surprisingly, he never woke up. Kushi and I checked him for injuries and made sure he did not knock himself unconscious before waking him up and sending him back to his room.

The two laughed at me for telling Kushina to be careful the next morning. I laughed and joked too, but I knew I was right to warn her.

Kushina's been Jonin for almost ten years now, but still, it spares me a heart attack just to be sure to tell her to be cautious. She knows how much I worry, but of course, that never stops her from getting dirty when need be.

I remember when we were sixteen, I was kidnapped by some bounty hunters who wanted to make a quick buck off the blood of an Uchiha. They knew everything about me, especially my close relationship with Kushina. They did not dare touch me, most likely afraid that I'd release some secret message to Kushi, and she'd summon a wild volcanic eruption of jinchuriki voodoo. Put a curse on them and their families. I had to wait a few hours until my sister came for me.

Kushi headed straight to the hideout after coming from a mission with Minato from the Sand. Another political outbreak between the Kages and the villagers required their attention. They, without the smallest hint to where I was, found the hideout.

I remember the look of pure fury in my sister's eyes-her icy cold glare that pierced through the souls of the enemy. It scared me, honestly. She killed everyone in that room in a bloody fight, but she never forgot to make sure I was not exposed to it. Beforehand, she walked right past the trembling guards and tied a cloth over my eyes and said to me, "Cover your ears and wait for Minato. He's outside. This shouldn't take long."

I did and the bloodbath began. All I heard was screams of terror and roaring. Chakra surging through the hair like poison. I counted to ten, and before I knew it, I felt Minato's arms scooping me up and walking out of the dilapidated cabin.

"Mikoto, you okay?" Minato asked me, his voice sharper than expected.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said, pulling down the blindfold. I was appalled by the sight of Kushi drenched in dirt, sweat, and blood. Both of them were. Kushi's hair fell out, and I could see her teeth were sharp.

Eventually when we got home, I noticed that Kushi was getting pale. Jiraiya-Sensei noticed, too. Right when he opened the door for us, he stared at his daughter with a cocked eyebrow while clutching the phone, wondering if he should call an ambulance.

Kushi was growing weak and her eyes were slitting. When I asked her what was wrong, she said the usual, "It's nothing," before tipping over on top of Minato. That's when I discovered a poisoned dagger stuck in her back. She had to be hospitalized for two weeks afterwards-meaning two weeks of me scolding her over her safety and crying over her injury that occurred because of me. Two weeks of Minato's brooding in the mornings and evenings. And one week of Jiraiya-Sensei's taunting.

From then on, I've always made sure to tell her, Minato, and now Kakashi to be safe and take care of themselves and each other when they are assigned a mission. Call it force-of-habit, but it saves lives.

Anyway, I smile softly at Kakashi, even though he cannot see it. I take and squeeze his lifeless hand. "Why don't you go back to bed? I think you're sleepwalking."

He shakes his head, implying that he's fully awake and alert. "Take that shit out of here..."

...Yeah...he's definitely sleeping. He'd never talk to me like that. Yes, I tease him for his height and all, but he'd never say something like that to me. Especially when his Okaa is right here.

"Yeah. I mean, it costs a crap-load of money, but our insurance covers pretty much all of it." Kushi groans to her husband and shifts her weight. "No. Dad, there's nothing wrong with our company. They've been good to us since day one...Not everyone's a racist-drone or whatever you call them."

Oh boy. Here comes the politics. Kushi and Sensei rarely see eye-to-eye when it comes to political views. It's usually Nami and Kushi versus Jiraiya. I know this is gonna be a long night.

I turn back to Kakashi as my sister goes off in a political tangent. I can almost hear Jiraiya-Sensei arguing back. "Honey, you're sleeping. Why don't you head-" I am cut off as he drops to his knees before me and collapses on me, his head on my chest. I am startled, but then wrap my arms around him. If he were conscious, he'd be a blushing mess right about now.

"Or you could sleep here." I say, chuckling. He does not reply, so I know he's asleep. Poor thing. I look down at him and begin stroking his hair. He still smells like the medicine from the emergency room. Rubbing alcohol, too. I know he hates that stench with a flaming passion.

"So in consideration of my own opinion, now I'm segregationist? Dad, really?" Kushi snaps. I snicker, listening while looking still at Kakashi. "...Well, how would you feel if a person, who is NOT legally a citizen of our country, just waltzed in the village and took your job? Hell, how would you feel if he were your boss?! The jerk's not even supposed to be here!"

I look at his hand, his arm, counting three band-aids from the IV and some other random tubes. I can see an open needle puncture next to his elbow. Those poor excuse for nurses messed up on his IV drip, according to Kushi. I hope he was asleep when they did that. It'd be horrible if he had to go through that alone.

"Minato," Kushi snaps, "if you say anything about 'preaching your own opinion' again, I swear, I will-"

I put my chin on Kakashi's head, and notice that his hair still has dirt in it, probably from his mission. I begin to pick the speckles out gingerly, hoping not to touch his gash.

About an hour later, with every minute filled with philosophy and overall complaining, Kushi yawns in the background. "Alright, I'm tired. I'll call you two back tomorrow...No, I didn't...Well, yeah, I-" Sensei cuts her off and goes on another talking-rampage. "Yes, Dad...YES, Dad, I will. Okay, good night." She clicks a button, then returns the phone to her ear. "Love you, Nani. Be safe out there."

I hear his voice again. Kushi smiles lovingly and replies, "...No...no, you focus on your mission. I got him." Her smile slowly fades. "...I...I'm fine, okay? Alright. I love you; good night."

I hear the off button's chime go off again and my sister set down the phone on the counter. She groans while stretching her back. I give her a face and let her translate the countenance. "Sorry." she says, almost sarcastically. "I had to. Papa's on the same falsely-ambitious boat as the Third."

"It's easy to get you started, Kushi." I taunt her. "Sensei nagging you about something again? Besides his political babbling?"

"Y'know it. He's worried about a flu virus that's going around." She blows at her bangs, a gesture meaning annoyance that Jiraiya-Sensei's still treating her like a child. "The man's gonna give himself a stroke if he keeps freaking out over the smallest thing." She exhaustively runs one of her hands down her face. "And 'babbling' is too passive. I think 'bullshit' is appropriate."

"Be nice. He's your father."

"He's a headache."

"Don't be bitter, Sis."

"I'm not...I'm not."

"You're a headache."

"So are you, Sis."

We both laugh at our foolishness. Kakashi stirs slightly, but never wakes. I smooth out his bangs, exposing his warm, unblemished forehead. His face is totally relaxed, and that eases me. It seems he's always frowning or pouting over something-he says it's just the way he looks, but that's his excuse for everything. His face looks so innocent, so young and pure.

I wish he did not wear his hair over his eyes like he does. I'm sure girls all over the village would swoon immediately as he walks by! That is, unless that's already happening. When I tell him that, he replies with an unconvinced "You're just saying that 'cause you like hearing yourself talk," which is then addressed by Kushi or Nami's hand to the back of his head.

He's almost fourteen years old. And he's been living with my sister for years. But deep down, in the pits of forlorn, passed the valley of ornery, he is still vulnerable. Immensely vulnerable. In his mind, as I have observed by his actions and as Kushi had analyzed, he views himself as a monstrosity. Unloved. Misplaced.

My sister babys him, but she'll never admit it. But this is not because of her incompetence to parent - it is because Kakashi needs it. His actions do not define his thoughts. His yearns.  
One of her goals is to ensure that he understands that she understands him. Nami and Kushi hope for him to accept that he has a family to call his own. And through these intentions and hardship, they've discovered that they, the three of them, are each other's Achilles' heel.

"Is he okay?" Kushi asks, looking sympathetically at him and hurries over to sit in front of us. I nod and mouth that he was sleepwalking and decided to crash on me. My sister mouths a silent "Oh," placing the clothes into the basket.

I smile at her, then looking down at Kakashi, I feel sadness filling every corner of the room. It is coming from my sister. I can see that her eyes have darkened. I know what she's thinking about.

To brighten the mood I perk up. "Remember when you introduced me to him?" I reminisce.

Kushi cocks an eyebrow at my randomness, but then smiles in memory. "Of course. I remember how nervous you were."

I shrug. "The first impression always counts!"

"To a two year-old? And you've known Kakashi since he was born." Kakashi groans and shifts in my lap at his name. His brows draw down, and I hold back a snicker. Even in sleep, he wants to give my sister all the sass and grumpiness his short body can muster.

I place a warm hand on his head to soothe him. "No, you've told me stories. I never really met him until you brought me along."

"Fair enough." Kushi shrugs too. She sets the laundry basket aside and rubs her eyes.

"I remember how adorable he was." I say. "So pure and harmless."

Kushi gives me a weak smile. I know she misses that version of her Kakashi. The mourning process is always prolonging with every day, it seems. I'm glad Kakashi is asleep. "Yeah, he was just..."

"Perfect."

"Mm-hm. Goofy and awkward and all, but perfect." A grin surrounds my face. I can see her beginning to smile for real this time.

"Do you remember what he said to me when I first met him?"

"Nothing rude, I hope." she says, glancing at her nephew in a warning way.

"You would've known if you had stayed a while before rushing off to the Hokage's." I remark, teasing. She groans in regret, shrugging.

"I was late." I hum in response, unconvinced. "At least I introduced you to him beforehand. Besides, we were at Papa's house."

"You were literally like, 'Kakashi, Mikoto. My sister. Bye!' And poof! You're gone!" I mock her voice, making her chuckle.

"Alright, alright. I'm sorry." My sister drops the hand that was massaging a migraine. "So what'd he do?"

"He, of course, was difficult. Y'know that funny little displeased look he gets when you tell him to do something he doesn't want to?"

"All too well."

"He gave me that face...like, for the longest time! I'm pretty sure he was smelling my chakra, I was able to sense his being exercised." I say, Kushi's eyebrows drawing down in confusion as I go on. I shake my head dismissively.  
"Don't worry. I was a stranger back then. He was probably making sure I wasn't some intruder. So, anyways, I said hi to him 'cause I thought he was just shy like that. And he said, 'I can smell fear on you' and just flat-out walked away! That was when he was two!"

"Are you serious?" We both laughing together when I nod. "You told me everything went well...!"

"It did. Just that part of it I decided to leave out." I say. Kakashi moans, eyes fluttering open. He's squinting and looks up quizzically at me. I smile. "Hi baby."

"Hi." he mumbles, sitting up and rubbing his eyes.

"You slept-walked again."

"Did I?"

I nod and touch his face, brushing away the hair covering his red eye. Poor thing's exhausted; he rests his cheek in my palm and I am wondering if he might fall back asleep right here. "You did. And sleeptalked too."

"You're so dead."

We both look bemused at Kushi, whose looking directly at Kakashi. "Huh?" He's looking at my sister like he is speaking Greek.

"Nothing."

I laugh when Kakashi gives me a face, seeing that he isn't getting anywhere with Kushi. "What's she...? Nevermind..."

"Why don't we get back to sleep, huh?" I soothe him. Kushi agrees with me with a quiet "Uh-huh" from across the table. Kakashi groans, leaning back against my breasts, eyes closing.

The remainder of the night, thank the Lord, isn't as eventful as the beginning.

**_Please R&amp;R!_**


	5. Ch 05: Kushina

**Thank you all for reading so far. AeroBuddy: I want to personally send my thanks to you. I looked you up (out of curiosity, not to be creepy _") and saw that you left links to my stories. That honestly touched my heart. So thank you for being so supportive!  
Anyway, to clear up confusion on the nicknames;  
**

**Kakashi - Koki (for Kushina), Squirt (obviously 'cause he's short! for Minato), Kashi (for Shizune)  
Kushina - Oba ('auntie' for Kakashi), Ku (for Minato), Shina (for Jiraiya), Kushi (for Mikoto)  
Minato - Ani ('big brother' for Kakashi), Nani (for Kushina), Mo (for Jiraiya), Nami (for Mikoto)  
Mikoto - Ms. Mikoto (for Kakashi), Ko (for Kushina)**

**It's a lot, I know. But people give each other nicknames, after all!**

**On with the story! This is for you AeroBuddy!**

_**KUSHINA**_

I AM AWAKENED IN THE MORNING BY THE DISCORDANT commotion of door slams and objects chosen at random falling to the hardwood floor. Listening closer, I can hear Koki cursing boldly. With squinting eyes I turn to see my Nani, who is still asleep. A perfect god resting on the Sabbath. I guess he must have snuck in last night to catch some Z's before he has to go again.  
I touch his face, caressing his soft cheek, brushing his dazzling yellow hair from his face.

Minato usually is a light sleeper, but I'm not surprised that my touching him has not startled him awake yet. He's been on-and-off missions nonstop for such a long time. I mean, I can't complain; he's the Yellow Flash, and the Third loves his loyalty. I snuggle closer to his body, and kiss his neck, loving the scent of his warm skin.

A sudden series of crashing noises startles me. What the hell is that boy doing at freaking 6:30 in the morning? Seeing no point in sleeping and noticing the time, I drag myself out of bed.

##

"Kakashi!" I call to the house, trying not to be too loud. "You're gonna be late!" In the distance, I can hear his pattering footsteps stomping around from his room to the bathroom and back to his room.

"Coming!" He appears next to me in a cloud of smoke.

I slide open the door and unlock the car. "Hey, what'd I say about that?"

"No ninjutsu in the house." he huffs as I lock the house up. He crosses his arms.

"That's right. Get in the car." It's pretty cold today, overcast. Perfect for brooding. "Nani's home, but don't expect him to be when school's over."

"'Kay."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"It's been a week since. I'm fine." Leaving no room for further questioning, not that it does any good, he gets in my car, plopping down in the front seat.

He has his hood on, wearing that same old black jacket he loves. "Nice outfit."  
He glares at me. I chuckle and turn the key in the ignition. The car groans awake and the air conditioner screams winter. "Windows or AC?" He shrugs, frowning straight ahead, so I turn up the temperature to 75°F and put the car in drive.

We drive in silence for a moment, despite the soft music coming from the radio. A talk-show host who really needs a Ricola is babbling about how fantastic it is to be a celebrity, how exhilarating it is to be crowded by paparazzis every time he steps foot outside his palatial mansion. I blow at my hair in irritation. His voice is unbearably annoying.

Koki shares my displeasure and punches a button to change stations. "What an idiot." he mutters. "He wouldn't be so happy if that paparazzi was a crime-scene investigation squad."

I glance at him. "Okay then, Grumpy." I laugh when he mopes by ignoring me. This boy is so...I don't know. He just loves to be pissed off at the world. Teenagers... "How'd you sleep?"

"Fine."

"You haven't sleepwalked in a few days. I counted three."

"Mm."

"What's that mean?"

"Mm."

I choose to let him sulk meaninglessly and make a right turn on Twenty-Sixth Street onto the more...culturally diverse neighborhood. People wearing Sound kabuki masks prance in front of my car. I slam on the brakes while securing Kakashi to the seat by an arm. "Crap!" After a sharp whiplash, he looks at me, eyes asking if I'm okay. I nod and sigh. "These people need to learn how to walk before they learn other customs. You okay, honey?"

"Yeah."

I grip the steering wheel and drive slow. Glancing at the boy, I can see dark rings under his eyes. He must be tired, maybe from another night without sleep. "So...any idea what happened on that mission? Why you seized?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Maybe my body just felt like it." Nice reason. I wait for him to go on, using silence as a trigger. He looks in question at me, perking up an eyebrow. "Am I missing something?"

"No, no. I just thought you had more to say." I reply with a smile, keeping vigilant eyes on the road. "Maybe stress?"

"Maybe." His face swells to a burning shade of red. "That...was my first mission supervising a crew of Genin and Chunin. I had to be perfect - y'know, set the example." His head drops. "I just ended up scaring everyone."

I brake at a crowded stoplight in another area. A more up-to-date area, thank Jesus. Crap, why did I take a main street?!  
I lean my head on the headrest and eye him. "C'mon now," I say, "that can't be ALL you did."

"Doesn't matter, Oba. That's all everyone'll remember."

"What did you teach them to do on the way?"

Koki turns his head towards the window. He remains silent for a moment, unwilling to converse any further. I let the silence linger. "Just the stuff Ani taught me on our first mission. How to set traps, how to use nature as a map. Stuff like that."

"See? I'm sure those kids'll remember those things. They'll apply them to their next few years as a shinobi. Thanks to you." I try to find the positives in things that seem sensitive to him. Koki's grown up in a pretty rough environment with his father's situation, his mother's death, the abuse. All he's heard is negative.

I hope that clears up all the disappointment. I can see it hovering over him like a rain cloud. He smiles slightly, but does not look at me. I know he thinks he has failed me and Nani as a ninja, somehow. Honestly, that has NEVER crossed my mind. The only time I can recall nearing that was months ago. Before the mission that rewarded us with bullet-scars.

It was difficult trying to cope with the tension in the house between us, his arrest, our fight. Everyday worse than the last. But that's the past. He knows I genuinely love him and would never hurt him that way again. In exchange, he is trying to work on his attitude and temper. He has his moments, but it's getting better, little by little.

We pull up to the school around 7:30. I can still see the dark rings and exhaustion. Damn. This seizure must have been a pretty bad one. The gash on his hairline is now a bulky scar.

He mutters a goodbye to me and prepares to get out of the car. "Hey." He looks at me - I can already hear Papa nagging me over this. I have a good reason though. He looks terrible.

"What?" He blinks.

My husband's spending the day running back and forth from the Research Tower to the library anyway. Papa'll never know unless someone brings it up. I feel like I should recite a prayer. "How about..." I blow at my hair. "Just this once. I'll let you ditch school today, just this once."

"You can't be serious."

"I am." I say. "I know you said you're okay, but I also know you tend to push yourself too hard. And sounds to me like you're working pretty hard as a ninja. So, I'll give you a break. You get to ride along with me."

Koki squints at me. "Is this a test?" I shake my head. Maybe I shouldn't tease him so much. I could have him believe that I'll let him drive my car and then turn it down quickly for a good laugh. Or in his case, a pouting session. My baby's face lights up. "Ah sweet! Thanks, Oba!"

I laugh. "Thank you for being a good kid." I smooth his hair and turn back on the car. "Alright," looking over my shoulder for cars and cops, "just gonna...do one of these..."

I make a very, VERY illegal U-turn across two sets of double yellow lines. I have to do it fast since I'm in front of a business district. "Uh, Oba," Koki's pointing at a sign. "It says no U-turns."

I turn to him and speak sharply, "NEVER do that; don't tell your Ani or Papa about that." He smiles and nods. I hold my breath when a policeman zooms by, sirens on. Koki too looks tense. Relief fills the car when he disappears over a hill and around the corner. We exchange looks in delayed silence - eyes wide - before bursting out laughing. This has been a very interesting morning drive.

I park my car a block behind the Hokage's Mansion. I refuse to pay $15 just to park in the parking lot. It does not make sense to me why the price is so high. Tax prices are already sky-rocketing. All the damn political drama is gonna give me a heart attack one day.

"Why're we here?" Koki asks.

I unbuckle my seatbelt. "I have a meeting with the Hokage concerning our mission in Taro Island."

"Tengoku?"

"Yes." Just saying the name or anything referring to it fills the car with awkward silence and tension. We both go pale. I take a deep breath and turn off the car after rolling down the windows. "It's not hot out yet, so I'm taking the keys. It shouldn't take long."

Koki gives me a very...teenager look. I automatically know he's going to argue with me in 3...2...1. "I'm not staying here. I was on that mission, too, in case you didn't notice."

I level my gaze on him. "No. You're staying here, like I said. Kakashi," I turn to him. "Think about it. You just had a seizure - one that we presume to be the result of stress. I know how sensitive the topic of Tengoku is to you. I don't want that to happen again."

As usual, he still fights back. "It won't. I'm fine. I told you that how many times?" I open my mouth to answer, but he goes on. "You don't have to baby me like this."

"Kakashi, I said no." I have to sharpen my tone, seeing as he is growing impatient and stubborn. I draw down my eyebrows and stare at him. "You are going to stay RIGHT HERE in this car until I'm done. If your butt isn't in that chair when I come back, you are going to be in SO much trouble, mister. Do you understand me?"

Koki frowns. He breaks his glare on me and looks straight ahead. "Fine."

Great, now he's pissed and I'm pissed. I run a hand through my hair. "It's for your own good, baby. Trust me. Is talking to the Hokage worth having another episode?" He rolls his eyes. "Look at me."

Reluctantly, he does from the side. That's as far as I'm getting with this boy right now. He's pouting from the way I spoke to him earlier. I'm calming myself by dulling my tone of voice and talking monotone. "Is it?"

Koki's eyes dart to his lap. His hair falls over his eyes and he mutters a quiet "I guess not."

"Exactly." I kiss his hair. "I'll be back soon. If I'm not back in half an hour, you can wait in the lobby. Okay?"

"Alright."

"...and from there, Tengoku crumbled."

The Third grasps his hands together, elbows on the table. His brow wrinkles. "I see..." There is a prolonged silence roaming in the office.

I shift my weight. "Sir?"

"No, no. Nothing. Good work, Kushina. Tell Kakashi the same." His voice lighten in pure astonishment. "How a thirteen year-old was able to manifest two jutsus of differing elements at the same time is beyond me! Minato must be doing something right; it must be you, too. You train him when your husband's away, right?"

I nod. "Yes. I'm a stand-in." Then a thought enters my mind. "Uh, Milord," I speak hurriedly while the topic is fresh. "I've been wondering about-"

"The firearms?" As usual, he knows already.

"Mm-hm. You said they are not fully functional; that they are being tested?"

"Yes. I did. Let me tell you something-"

A sudden loud bang startles us both. It's the door, having been kicked open. Before even turning my head, I know it's Kakashi. I think the hinges are damaged.

He storms in and stands next to me. The Third looks surprised, but as though he expected it. My face is burning. Dammit. He reads the apology in my eyes. "One moment, please." I whisper to him, taking Koki by the shoulder and spinning him around.

He struggles out of my grip and glares at me. I keep my tone low, but stern. "WHAT are you DOING here?! I'm in the middle of something!"

"You told me it would be okay after a while!" he shoots back.

"I said after half an hour. It's only been," I check my watch, "twenty minutes!"

"Which is half an hour! That's good enough!" Koki scratches his head. "Right? No..."

Oh, boy...

"Half an hour is thirty minutes, Kakashi." I say, calmly. Yelling at him for that is unacceptable. It's not his fault. Yelling at him for disobeying me and coming up here in an unfashionable manner, however, is acceptable.

Koki makes a face. His eyes wander upwards and to the right. Just count it out, I want to tell him, but that would embarrass him. Realization comes to him after a moment. "And I told you to wait in the lobby AFTER thirty minutes."

"Oba, save it! Hey," he turns back to the Third, who was patiently waiting, "you know those guns you told us shinobi about? How they were being tested?"

The Third and I exchange looks. He clears his throat. "Yes. They haven't been released to the public."

Koki slams his hands on the desk, making everything on it shake or tip over. "Yeah? Then how come the goddamn Tea Country has them?! Better question would be: WHY are they testing them on children who they've STOLEN from their own home?! Tell me THAT!"

This outburst takes everyone by surprise. I am so shock that he would even dare speak that way to the Hokage. I'm took busy hanging my jaw to hear him calling to me. "Kushina, call your boy off."

Against my better knowledge, I say, "My apologies, sir," I gently guide Koki away from him, "but I agree with him." I cross my arms. "And I fear you may be hiding something from us."

I can see the Third growing uneasy. His ears redden. "How do you know about this? That was not your mission." he asks, more like demands.

Koki gives me a look reading, 'Is this guy for real?!' He yanks up the sleeve of his right arm, revealing that damn prisoner code. "Oh...we know. We know all about it."  
Our village leader falls silent. I look at his desk, his now dented desk. God, please don't make me pay for that! Koki continues, "This looks familiar, doesn't it?"

"Sir, did you know about this all along? If so, why?" I ask. I figure at least one of us should be polite. Kind of good cop, bad cop.

Lord Hokage gazes hard at me. "...Yes." And now both of us. "Listen, you're both so young for shinobi. There's a lot you don't know about international politics."

"So educate us."

"The Tea, in the Land of Hell, is known for terrorism. Sending you two in blindly is better than having you think about sparing them until the Sun explodes. Why not exterminate them while they're harmless before they do it to us? They're a threat."

"Y'know, you babble about peace and harmony, but this is totally hypocritical! You're having their military kill their own! How is that fair?!" Koki buds in. This takes me, again, by surprise.

I can sense that lines are being crossed. Fast. "Kakashi-"

"It was part of a treaty that took place years ago. You, Kushina, were not even born yet." the Hokage says, eyes still darting at my kid's.

Koki steps forward. "Thousands of families are being affected by this paranoia! Wasn't it the Leaf Village that enslaved the Rain decades ago?! What if they did THAT to us?! The Tea hasn't even threatened the Leaf! What gives you the right to slaughter their children, if not forcing them into some brainwashing slavery! You're damn well asking for war!"

Again, he takes the words out of my mouth. It's like he's speaking my mind. I'm proud of him. But he needs to watch it. "Kakashi-"

"I think you're exaggerating, Hatake-"

"Yeah? Do you NOT see what they put on me?! My tattoo came from black marketers who sold me to a forced labor camp on Taro Island. It made me do things I didn't want to! Does this not sound like slavery?! I was with them! I. Know."

"I'm doing this for the protection of our society. I have Leaf ninja assigned to recon that area everyday, some even living amongst the villagers."

...What? This is madness!

Koki turns pale. "Those were our people?" He glances at me in painful realization. "They knew who I was..."

The Third crosses his arms on the desk. "Everyone who knew your name was ours."

"The policeman...the guards...even the warden." We both can see the warden, laying dismembered on the floor in the remains of Tengoku as we left him. "Wait, if they knew us, why didn't they help us?"

"The Medical Team did some...experimentation. the ninja assigned those duties within the camp were...programmed differently. Injected with a colored liquid that-"

"Eats away at their souls. I know. They could have killed us, y'know! Oba," he violently points a finger in my face, "almost became my dinner! I was gonna be their pet!"

I gently push his hand away and compose myself. "Why did you send me to receive Kakashi?" I ask. "I thought you were determined to have more of our force out there as your drones. Why did you want him back, and why did you assign me?"  
Koki looks up at me.

"Because," we both glare at him, "I need you two here to protect the Leaf if anything happens. The Fire needs you. Kushina, I was hoping you'd see things the way I do after it."

"I don't."

"It's obvious I expect too much from you."

Koki's fists ball and turn white on the knuckles. I can tell he wants to pound the Hokage's face in. "YOU SON OF A-"

"Kakashi, hush." I put a hand in front of his face. "How many casualties?"

The Hokage seems amused by my kid's reaction. A twisted, almost cocky smirk curls on his face. "Only about ten-percent of those guards and twenty-percent of the civilians were ours."

"HOW many?" I urge harder.

"We've lost almost two-thirds of those people."

I feel Koki's body tense, and I can sense his shock. The demanding glare in his eyes fade to a wounded gaze that falls to his feet. "I...killed them." I want to remind him that it is not only his fault. He can't keep tormenting himself like this. "How the HELL are you doing this?! These people shouldn't be suffering!"

Again, the indifferent man shrugs. "The villagers are taught to practice Fire nationalism. We are their protectors and regulators. The ones who were deported were those who could grow to become potential problems."

"You have NO right to exterminate them like they're nothing!" I am about to silence him when the Hokage stands up with a loud slide of his chair.

"Watch it, Kakashi Hatake!" he snaps. "I have the authority to court martial you."

Koki looks down. I know he wants to say more and blow a fuse, but he knows it is not smart. I put a hand on his head. "This treaty you're talking about - what happen if the Tea violates it?"

"Absolute destruction." he says without hesitation. "They know not to test our strength."

"Either way," I look down at Koki under my arm, "whether they obey this stupid treaty or not, they're gonna suffer."

He gives me a look. "Y'know, what you're doing...isn't that terrorism as well? Unreasonable genocide?"

The Hokage sits back down and straightens out his robes. "Those are some words that are not to be used loosely, Kushina."

I frown. "Is it not the truth? Or are you afraid to admit it?"

"I will give you the same warning I gave the boy-"

"Kakashi."

"Regardless," he says with a dismissive wave of his hand, "I will charge you for disrespecting me."

"Then do it." I choke on my words until now. "I am willing to resign my position. Especially since it's involving my family." Koki blinks at me. I think he's still mentally new to this whole family thing. What happened before the mission hit us hard. "Remember, you didn't just hurt their people."

He starts fidgeting at his collar. I can see sweat glistening on his face and neck as he stares out the window. His pupils are the size of quarters. Hand still on his head, I scratch his hair and whisper, "Honey, you 'kay?"

He turns back to the Third, grimacing and hands shaking. He says in a low, almost hateful voice, "You call Orochimaru a monster, but you're no better." Ah shit, Kakashi... "I always knew you were shady just by looking at you! You're nothing but a bully! You're TRASH, and a LIAR!"

He looks terrible, honestly. I come between him and the Hokage, kneeling down before him, hands on his arms. "Hey, c'mon, that's enough. Go and wait outside for me-"  
Koki jerks away from me, storms out, and slams the door.

The Third is still silent. We are both staring at the door. "He's not wrong." No answer. "I apologize for speaking out of turn, but this plan of yours is just...cruel. How despicable does this make the Leaf look? There's blood on our hands, on our children's hands." I turn back to him. "Ruthless doesn't even begin to describe it. How could you preach oblivious hatred to our country? And for WHAT? Every act of this so-called terrorism the Tea has committed was out of self-defense. You know that. You had good intentions, but the procession was sloppy. Hurtful, even to us. They built death camps in response to espionage. Court martial me, and you'll be lower than what Kakashi said."

With that, I walk out, letting my words linger.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	6. Ch 06: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI  
**_  
THE THIRD'S A FREAKING BASTARD.

I am so disgusted by him, I can't even eat as much as I normally do. It's around 7:25 now. Ani's not even home yet. He said that if he was not home by 5, don't expect him to be home for dinner.

Oba cooked dinner for the two of us. Nothing special-just meat, rice, and vegetables. And it's the best chicken I've had in years! If only I had an appetite...  
She finished quickly and started on the dishes.

I'm picking at the remainder of my food when she comes back in. "Hey," she says, picking up my plate, correctly assuming I'm done, "you didn't touch your carrots. I thought you liked them."

I squint at her, still resting my cheek in my hand. "You remember my GPA from the Academy when I was five and not the fact that I hate carrots?"

"And peas, black and kidney beans, yams, plums, honeydew, cantaloupe, any kind of meat with too much fat, and every type of seafood except crab. Oh, and don't forget tea unless it's sweet."

"You make me sound like I'm picky or something." I say, pouting. My eyes are rolled up to her, and it's making my head hurt.

"You are. C'mon, just try it again. Maybe you'll like it." she encourages with a smirk.

Really? I swear, she treats me like I'm younger than I look. "I'm not five." I lean back in the chair, crossing my arms. "If I don't touch it, I'm not eating it."

Oba's face drops in annoyance. "Brat."

I shrug. "Pushy."

She puts down the plate and frowns in thought. I feel a serious talk coming. Damn. "...Hey, um," she flounders, "how're you feeling? Are you okay?"

"Why are you asking?" I really hate when people ask me if I'm managing or if I'm in some kind of distress. It's just not comfortable.

Oba shifts her weight, impatiently. "Kakashi, don't do this right now-"

"I'm fine. Alright?" I fail to hide a smile. This woman is so easy to upset sometimes. I really am okay, though. I felt a little something strange in the office earlier, but overall everything's working just fine.

Plus, I don't like making my guardians worry. She starts gathering the rest of the dishes, quickly in stress. "Are you sure? Why don't you go lay down, or-"

"Oba. Stop it." I say.

She stops immediately and stares at me. "Excuse me?"

"Shit happens." Her eye twitches when that word finds its way out. I go on to avoid a lecture. "And if I'm gonna seize, you'll know before I even start."  
She nods in silence. "Does this really worry you?" I ask. He nods again. "Well, next time I feel something, I'll make sure to hide from you."

"Ai-ya..." Oba groans, rolling her eyes and leaving to the kitchen sink. I pick up the cups and utensils and follow.

"You did pretty good at the office earlier, by the way." I say, placing everything in the sink while she cleans. "I was listening even after you told me to wait in the lobby. Pretty impressive."

"You haven't even seen half of it." She chuckles the way she always does. I find myself being consumed by the sight of her scarred hand.

It wouldn't be there if I wasn't such a freaking dumb-ass.

I'm startled back to reality when Oba sprinkles water in my face. It tastes like chemical and, to be blunt, shit. "Hey!"  
She just laughs and continues washing as if nothing happened. This is probably her way of telling me to stop. I wipe my face with an arm. "God, you're a jerk!"

"So, anyway," she says, "what'd you think? About the Hokage?"

There's a lot of things I think about the goddamn Hokage and his poor methods. To sum it up and to simplify it, I reply, "I hope he gets impeached. I don't like the way he talks to you. Or the way he overworks Ani."

"Well..." I can see Oba's trying to think it all over. Between us, she's usually the more logical one, being an adult. "Not yet. I would say it's not too late to make things right. And...hope for forgiveness. But perhaps that's unlikely, seeing the damage."

Forgiveness? If anyone should be doing the forgiving, it should be us, the Tea. Not that bastard. "You didn't do anything wrong." I start helping her by rinsing the soapy dishes she passes to me.

Oba looks so serious right now, gazing into the sink. "I meant the Tea."

I glance at her. "You scared?"

"Hey," she disregards that question, "I'm proud of you. You spoke out for what you thought was right. That's good. Despite the profanity."

We both laugh when she flicks bubbles at me. It's funny how we can argue and fight like hell, but then joke and laugh about nothing the next minute.

Oba scrubs at residue on a tray. "Listen, honey," she clears her throat, "while I support your views and respect your opinions-"

"Because they're so much like yours and Ani's."

"Well, maybe." She smiles, still not making eye contact. "I just want you to leave that wide spectrum of political talk to me and your Ani, especially in front of the Hokage. For your sake."

Huh? "For my sake?"

"Mm-hm. It can be very stressful and complex. It's just...grown-up stuff."

"I'm almost fourteen, Oba."

"At your age, kids are supposed to be outside, playing sports, hanging out with friends, getting an education to prepare for college. Stuff like that. I just don't want you to totally get into this mess. I don't want you to...y'know."

"Okay," I nod, "no prob." A serious issue comes to my attention, making me slouch. "Wait, that ruins my excuse to curse people out."

Oba lands a hand on the top of my mine. "Yeah, well, then I'd say it's for the best."

The door rips open loudly, making us jump. It's Ani. Oba and I turn at the same time to her. "Hi baby!" she greets..

"Hi babe. 'Sup squirt?"

I nod. "'Sup."

"Another mission? Oba asks.

"Y'know it." Ani melts at the table, looking tired as hell.

Oba smiles. "That's great. When do you leave?"

"Like, in two weeks." He rubs his eyes, runs his hand through his hair. "It's just a C-rank - I just have to escort a royal merchant from here to the Rain."

"Simple enough. Even better, you get a little break beforehand." Oba gives him a plate overflowing with food.

"Are you guys gonna be okay?" he asks. "I don't want to come home to a riot."

"Mm-hm." Oba pats my head, making me literally growl in defense. I'm not a damn dog. "We'll be okay. I was thinking about taking him to the doctor."

"Like hell!" I blurt out.

Oba's hand shifts from my hair to my mouth, shutting me up. "I figured it'd be best to get this checked out."

"Oh, okay." Ani agrees. He looks at me, sympathetically. "How're you doing, boy?"  
I blink and shrug, because I'm unable to talk at the moment. "Ku's gonna take you to a neurologist to make sure your brain wasn't damaged, mkay?" He reads my face. "No needles."

Thank Jesus.

-a week later-

I woke up from a nap to find my bastard teacher, Mr. Suzuki, arguing with one of my classmates about something. Idiots have been at it since the beginning of this semester.

It's been almost half an hour since, and they're still bitching like crazy. I can feel my heart pounding hard against my chest. It's humid in here, and I'm sweating. I play with my collar, stretching it out. Everything's fuzzy - almost in slow motion. I'm kind of lightheaded, come to think of it.

This isn't good.

I raise my hand and hold it for about a minute. Mr. Suzuki doesn't see me. He's still engaged in the stupid argument. "Excuse me?"

"Hatake, shut up!"

What a freaking jerk. I'll think about kicking his ass later. Now, I feel an aura. My head's starting to throb, like, there's a sharp stabbing pain in my temples. I see Erika and Sakumo behind my lids. Every time I picture their faces, the pain increases.

My pulse speeds up even more. I'm panicking, but almost falling into a trance. I can't blink without getting nauseous. This really isn't good. Screw this. I get out of my seat and dart out the door, ignoring my teacher's calls.

I run down the hall, hoping to get as far away as possible from the classroom. Now I see my aunt. Oba and Dad's faces now move with life and speak in short spurts. They're talking to one another. I can barely hear them. Whispering, glancing at me. Red engulfs the room.

Suddenly, I'm leaning against a row of lockers. My heart is making my body ache. When I slide down to sit, a trail of sweat stains the metal.

What the hell was that?! What did I just see?!

No. Y'know what, forget it. I have to calm myself, despite the impact of the second's-worth of whatever it is I'm seeing. I close my eyes, lean back a bit, and take deep breaths.

"Kakashi?"

A voice makes me jolt. I look around for the source, but I'm completely alone. Am I just hearing things again?

"You okay? What's going on?"

Oh, it's my phone. I'm gripping it in my lap and somehow it called Ani - or...I did. How did that get there?  
I put it to my ear, and wipe the sweat from my forehead with the other hand. It doesn't do much justice, there's too much. "Ani?"

"Yeah, what's up?" He sounds worried as hell. Oh no...whenever he and Oba get this way, it's hard to calm them down. "You called me. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm..." I stutter, collecting my thoughts and rubbing sweat from my eye. "'m fine."

"You called me, like, five minutes ago." His voice is low and serious. "It sounded like you were running from something. Almost like you were in pain."

"Oh...that's kinda embarrassing." I joke, though it sounds more exercised and lethargic. I don't want to worry him anymore than I already have. "I was just...choking..." Okay, that just sounds stupid. "...on saliva..." Ani's quiet on the other end. "Y'know when you breathe through the wrong pipe and...just forget it."

I sound like an idiot. "Alright," he does NOT sound convinced, "I'm coming to get you."

"No, no, really Ani," I hurry to speak before he hangs up, "I'm okay."

"Kakashi-"

"And I have a test next period for English. I can't miss that." I reason. I really, really don't want to go home to be hovered over. I know they're worried and all, but I think a few more hours without me around will be good for us all. Everyone just needs to chill.

"Are you sure?" I can hear Oba in the background.

"I'm sure. Look, this is part of my grade for this semester. I just barely made it to a B minus, so I want to try and keep that. I'll see you later, okay?"

There's a pause. Then a sigh. "If you think you can stick around, go ahead. But keep your phone on you so we can contact you, understand?"

"Yes sir."

"Mkay. You do your best on that exam, boy!"

"I will." There's light laughter in our voices.

"Alright. Cya at two-thirty. Love ya, kid."

Even now, after five years, that still makes me all fidgety. "Love you, too, Ani." I mumble. We hang up simultaneously.

I lean my head back against the locker. That could've been worse. Now that I'm getting older, my family allows me to make my own choices and respect my decisions. Unless I do something completely stupid like drink or smoke.  
I'm just glad Ani didn't totally freak out and rush over.

Anyway, as far as that test goes...that was kind of a lie. I'll just pretend that I scored at a safe seventy-five percent.

**These last two are related to 'Blinded By Fault', if you haven't figured it out by now. Sorry, I just...don't like the Third. I hold a grudge on him for not letting Kakashi help Minato and Kushina against Kurama. Even though he's young, he could've made a huge difference.**

**Anyway, please R&amp;R!**


	7. Ch 07: Kakashi -continued-

_**KAKASHI ~continued~**_

IT'S 5 O'CLOCK. IT SHOULD BE A CRIME TO HAVE TO BE somewhere to be at this hour. Seriously. No one else is awake, so why do we have to be? I haven't slept so good in a while, I'm cranky, and I just don't want to be at the entrance gates right now. I don't want to be anywhere but home.

Ani and Oba are walking ahead, chattering away about nothing. Those two can drift away into their own worlds at any given time. It's too damn early for this...

When I yawn, Oba sticks her finger in my mouth. "What are you DOING?" I ask, now irritated as they both laugh at me.

"Wake up already." Ani's fixing his headband. "You've been on missions this early before, squirt."

I groan, "I'm tired."

"You were tired then, too. And it wasn't that bad."

"I'm. TIRED. Ani."

"You'll be fine, Kakashi," Oba turns back, "I promise you."

Ani chuckles and looks over his shoulder at me, his face brighter than the streetlights. "Well, once you get home, you can go back to bed."

That's the best thing I've heard all morning. The front gates are getting closer and closer with every step. Red sunlight glows behind the marble structure. Every time I walk past a shadow casted off one of the legs, the sun flashes in my face.

The air feels kind of eerie.

Next thing I know, we're already under the gate, and they're are kissing. What the hell...Freaking GROSS. "Get a room, you guys."

"You get a room." Ani jokes.

"Aw, poor baby's probably just feeling left out." Oba says, kneeling down. She comes out of nowhere and kisses me on the forehead before I can try to dodge it.

"You be good for your Oba, you hear me?" Ani says, seriously, kneeling to meet my eyes.

"Mm-hm."

"That means do your homework, eat your food, and please," he grabs my shoulders, "PLEASE, Kakashi, no eye-rolling and groaning and slouching-"

"I know already, Ani."

Ani smiles and ruffles my hair. "Okay then. No frowning, either."

I groan and Oba speaks up. "Geez, Nani, that's like asking him not to breath."

"You're hilarious." I shoot a glare at her.

Ani looks between us. "And no fighting."

"We'll be fine, honey." Oba says. "Trust me."

I groan, and then my phone vibrates. I glance at the lock screen, which reads, "New Message: Né" in bright letters. All the blood in my body rushes to my face.

Should I open it? Maybe I should wait a few minutes-I don't want to answer too quickly and look desperate. But then again, I don't want to come off as a jerk and wait too long. I think I might be freaking out over nothing...

Goddammit, I'm just going to open it and get it the hell over with!

"Kakashi?"

"Huh?"

My adoptive parents are staring down at me. Ani's arms are crossed, and he flashes his usual huge smile. "You're spacing out, boy. Something wrong?"

I shake my head. "No," I hurry to say, "nothing's wrong. Like, at all."

Of course, Oba doesn't buy it, but stays quiet. Ani doesn't either, but decides to leave me Oba. He gathers Oba and me in a tight, suffocating hug. "Well, I'm off."

Oba goes off as he walks out the gates,"Be safe! Don't forget to eat, again, like last time! Oh, and stay hydrated, too, and get as much sleep as you can! We love you!"

Ani waves. "Love you, too!"

Something's making my throat clog up. I feel...just weird. My head's a ton heavier. Oba's talking, but her voice is a jumble of mumbling slurs. The world's spinning. I don't think she...

Oba...?

You...

**Suspense is building!**

**Please R&amp;R!**


	8. Ch 08: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

EITHER I'M GOING DEAF OR KOKI'S DELIBERATELY ignoring me. Sometimes there's just no getting through to that boy. He's trailing behind me, dragging his feet as usual. He always gets like this when something's bothering him or he's just not in the mood to communicate. Nani and I have grown accustomed to this moping silence, accepting it as part of our lives. Usually we just let him be. Other times, when it gets out of control, I have to ask and push him to tell me what the deal is.

I blow at my hair. "So, Kakashi, whaddya want to do today? I was thinking maybe we could visit Papa or, if you want, we could work on some taijutsu when it gets cooler."

I wait. Still nothing. I know sometimes he doesn't want to train or anything in general. He'll just lay there all day.

"You're form is getting a little sloppy, so we might just do that when the air gets cooler. Then we'll go get dinner, okay?"

I hear him making noise - a strange sound followed by a stutter-step. Sounds to me like he's fallen. Tragically.  
I look over my shoulder.

Time is an odd thing. It speeds and slows as if it has been assigned a knob. One second, your child's a fragile lump of innocence, the next, he's growing before your eyes, enduring puberty. Taking the world on, but never forgetting to hurry home before dinner's ready.  
What's stranger is seeing your beloved child being tormented by an unseen force. And all you can do is watch.

This is what I'm thinking when my baby falls to the floor in the throws of an epileptic seizure. I rush over to him, bumping my knees on the way. I'm thankful the village is still asleep, but fearful the ER will put us on hold.

"Kakashi!" I don't know what else to do, but sit here and make sure he sees me. "Koki, I'm here. You'll be okay. It'll be over s-"

Just like that, the thrashing stops. Koki's body falls limp in my arms. His eyelids thin, and I know there isn't an aftershock coming. Thank God this is just a mild one. I breathe a sigh of relief and he eyes me.

"You..."

"Yeah, what is it?" My question lingers as he loses consciousness. "Koki..."

Fortunately, the ER's not that crowded - compared to last time, that is.

From the moment I carried him through the doors, he was attached to tubes and connected to IVs and placed on a stretcher. The doctors took him to do a few scans and tests about three hours ago.

I'm left alone, sitting in a huge area that divides rooms with curtains. It's so quiet, I can hear the clock ticking from the other side of the room. I can hear the incessant beeping of the scanning machine from the next hall, and I hope that it is not Koki. I want to believe that he is just in the bathroom or walking around. But, how foolish would I be?

My heart stops when I hear commotion in the laboratory. A knell. No, dammit, I need to stop this! Koki'll be fine - he always is. He has to be. I wonder if every parent withstands this anxiety when their kid gets his first concussion or some mild injury. Ninja or not, we're all human.

My mind drifts to what had happened. You. What'd he mean by that? He could have been surprised to see me. Maybe he was trying to tell me to do something?  
But, in the termination of a seizure, what could he have to say, with so little energy?

I run my fingers through my hair and rub my eyes.

"Mrs. Namikaze,"

I whip my head up, desperate for good news. I stand up, respectively. Unsure if I should speak or not, I remain quiet and stare at the doctor.

"Your son seems to be doing just fine." he says with a smile. Relief is a bubble stuck in my throat. Growing bigger and bigger. Hearing someone call Koki my son brings a tentative feeling to my chest. Happy, grateful, but cautious. "There seems to be no sign that he even had a seizure."

"What? How is that possible?"

"That's...still unclear to us. You see," he flips through his stack of papers, bound by a clipboard, to a printed picture of Koki's MRI results, "here, we'd usually be able to detect when the seizure occurred. All we can see is this," he circles a deformed area on Koki's brain, "an abnormality that proves he is epileptic, but not that he has recently had an epileptic convulsion."

"Can you help him?" I ask. I feel as though I should be on my knees. As if on cue, a nurse rolls my unconscious, plugged up my baby in. She switches on his heart monitor and injects infinitesimal drops of adrenaline in his system.

The doctor looks between us, then hands me a card. "Here. Please, come see me at my office."

Dr. Bushi Kino  
Neurologist/neurosurgeon  
(555) 555-6384  
3388 Pine Drive; Suite 305

"Neurosurgeon?" I squint at the laminated card. "But that's surgery." I wait for him to say that it's just part of the title, that he is just a neurologist working in the same building, on another floor. He doesn't.

He nods and collects himself to leave. "Excuse me."

It just got a hell of a lot colder in here. I glance at Koki, whose sleeping peacefully, and then at the card and its glistening blue print. I shove it in my pocket. My baby's fists ball with his last drops of strength.

I fear, even a little, that it may be crumbling slowly. Piece by piece. I have to do this. I find that doctor again in the time that Koki's still asleep. I give him my okay.

Koki awakens slowly, and automatically recognizes the immediate area. Then goes back to sleep. Must be the drugs.

It's not abnormal to be here in the ER every now and then. It's been half a year since his seizures picked up again.  
We just accept it as part of our lives. At the most random times, it's in and out of hospitals. What's abnormal is that he does not remember what he said at the gates earlier. Not even a clue. But he won't need to, I'll just have to show him the truth.

Waiting to make sure I'm making the right decision, I dial the given number for Dr. Kibo's office. Almost the perfect name for the occasion.

When you have a sick child, you can't expect every person to be understanding. You can't assume everyone will be so empathic, or even attempt to be. Take Papa for example; sure, he's a good guy, but he isn't as open-minded as he should to be.

Convincing him that my Koki was a perfectly mellow human-being was hell. We argued about it for hours, it seemed, and I ended up moving out.

Enough about me. What I'm trying to explain is that Mr. Suzuki, Koki's primary teacher, is a complete bastard. Another perfect example of an inflexible person.

You see, about two months ago, before my baby's mission, the jerk dragged Koki to the principal's office after a small episode. A freaking jolt or two. I was summoned to pick him up. Being Koki's adoptive parent for years, I expected to have to apologize and bribe everyone in the room to forget about whatever he did. Knowing him, it'd be something like cursing, back-talking, vandalism, and fighting, too.

I know how he works. He's my mini-me; the teenage version of me. I was hell to raise, according to Papa, but I hope to find that strange peace, like he had. Finding concealed love for me in all my flaws.  
Karma, for sure, is a bitch.

From the moment I pulled into the school, I could hear that idiot blabbering on, berating and insulting my Koki. He pointed rather violently at me before I entered through the door - you'd think I was the one in trouble. I didn't know what else to do other than say hi.

"Ms. Namikaze," the principal beckoned me in, "please, ignore him. Come on in."

I did so, eyeing Koki on the way to sit down in the chair next to him. He had that look on when he knew he was in trouble. I glared at him, and he looked away, sort of cowering, I guess. "Did Kakashi do something wrong?"

"Well, it's hard to say." Headmaster Kotsuda scratched his head. He nodded towards a very irate Mr. Suzuki. All eyes are on him.

The dysfunctional and strange man was muttering under his breath to himself. He noticed me, and blurted out, pointing at Koki, "That LEECH of yours is the problem!"

I frowned. "Whoa, hang on-"

"You're the problem, you damn bastard!" Koki shot back.

"Kakashi!" He flinched at my voice, head bowed like a moping dog. He felt my eyes on him. "Look, how about you explain to me what he did to make you think that?"

"And how about we talk outside?" Headmaster Kotsuda suggested, standing. "Kakashi, you may stay here, son." He ruffled my adoptive son's hair and followed us out.

The three of us discussed, loudly, the issue. And it was revealed that Koki had seized infinitesimally in the middle of history class. According to Mr. Suzuki, he started moving things around in different corners of the room. Put a desk out in the hallway, even. He called him a screw-up. The principal, who believed Koki, noted that he did not recall doing any of that.

I glanced at him in the other room. I knew he could hear us through the thin glass window. I wondered why he refused to look at me. I looked back at the staff members. "If you don't mind, I'll be taking him home now." My voice sounded sharper than intended. But how dare this asshole accuse Koki of being a glitch?

Headmaster Kotsuda nodded and gestured his employee towards Koki, who was still unmoved. The teacher stormed like a child into the office, busting the wooden door open and startling him. He snatched Koki's wrist in a hostile manner, and it made me want to kick his freaking ass. When he jerked him to me, I can see frustration in his mismatching eyes. He still did not look at me, and Suzuki's hand rose to his upper arm.

"Take him! And whatever the hell's wrong with him, fix it! It's not normal!" Koki's frown remained, but his eyes shifted to the side, away from him, away from me. The words stung, evident through his countenance. "HE's not normal-"

"Alright." I intervened, and said to the principle, "I assure you, there is nothing wrong with him. I'll make sure to take him to the doctor as soon as I can."

Koki tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but Suzuki jolted him roughly like an animal trainer. Pissing me off more and more by the second. A small sound escaped from him in shock or maybe anger. I can see his arm growing pale from the lack of blood circulation. "Kakashi." He didn't answer me or show signs of acknowledgement.

"Taking him 'as soon as possible' is not good enough! I want this done NOW! This is unnatural - it is disgraceful!"

The principal frowned, "Yuta. Stop."

"Screw off." Kakashi muttered. Honestly, I wanted to laugh. Usually I'd chid him for that, but he was right.

"Hey." I silenced Koki, who flinches. "Let go of my child. Now." I broke Suzuki's grip on Koki and dragged him over to stand in front of me by the back of his shirt, hands on his shoulders.

"But that little delinquent has offended me!" Suzuki bitched. Delinquent. Haven't heard that word since I was younger.

I glared at him. "What'd he say?"

"He won't talk! He disrespected me as a teacher! I want to see some punishment!"

"You two may go." The principal dismissed us with a wave. "I'll take care of this mess."

"Thank you, sir." I nodded, leading Koki out the door. "C'mon, sweetie."

We drove at first in silence, but were spared by the purring of my car when I accelerated. I glanced at him a few times - he remained stone, staring out the window, resting his head on his hand.

"You want to tell me what happened today?" I figured I let the quiet stillness linger long enough. He did not move or answer. Simply ignoring me. "I'm not mad at you." Still nothing. I sharpened my tone, speaking louder. "Kakashi."

He slammed his hand down and glared hard at me in annoyance. "WHAT?"

"What. Happened?"

"...I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"No!" he growled. "Why do you have to question me all the time?! I said I don't know, so I don't know!" His tone really wasn't helping me keep calm. I felt conflicted, actually - should I be arguing with him? I mean, what that teacher said must have really hurt.  
But then again, I am his parent and an adult, and he should respect me like so.

"Why are you getting all defensive about this?" I asked.

He gripped his hair, frowning at the floor. "Can you just...not talk? Please?"

We came to a hard pause at a stoplight, and I looked at him directly. "Kakashi, listen-"

"Just stop."

"Stop what? Am I mad at you? Am I yelling?"

"You want to."

"Why would I?"

"I'm a freak, Oba! For that reason!"

Green light. His statement angered me. He shouldn't speak so blatantly of himself. "Hey-"

"Don't tell me I'm not!" Koki shot a glare at me, and I can see the crumbled remnants of Suzuki's attacks in his eyes.

"You're not." I spoke slowly.

"I am, okay? Stop acting like you don't think so. I saw the way you looked at me."

Kakashi's a pretty sensitive kid, sometimes, even though he doesn't show it around other people. He puts himself down and takes the world's problems on his shoulders. The latter is an admirable trait, but is mostly a ruthless weakness. No wonder he has white hair.

"What do you want me to do, Kakashi?" I asked.

"Blow a fuse. Take control." He turned back to the window, shifting his body away from me. Wiping his face. "You're good at that."

Gripping the steering wheel, I groaned, unable to fathom how I could fix the problem. "I'm not going to yell at you for no reason. And calling yourself a freak to make me mad isn't a reason."

"Whatever."

"No. It's not whatever. I'm serious."

He eyed me with a pause. I wanted to say more until he looked away and out the window. "So am I."

Those words still puzzle me. A sick child is not an easy thing to deal with. It never will be. There will be times where it seems prayers are the answer to everything. And there will be times where you're stuck. Question is, how do you pull your family out?

**Please R&amp;R!**


	9. Ch 09: Kakashi

**Alright! This is where it all starts to pick up! Thank you all for reading, as usual.  
On with it, then!  
**

_**KAKASHI**_

IT'S COLD.

I'm in some weird place, sitting behind bars. Outside, there's no sunlight, and I can hear thunder. God, I hate it.  
My legs feel heavy. Heavy, like, I haven't stood in years. There're blankets and a worn stuffed hippo placed around me. The lock of a mahogany door in the corner rattles.

And in comes Master Jiraiya.

"Hey," another voice rattles me, "c'mon, honey."

Oba? I look around, but she's nowhere to be found. I make eye contact with Jiraiya. He's not moving, just watching me. My heart races. I have the strange compulsion to burst into tears.

Like an echo, he shakes his head at me. "More trouble than you're worth."

Asshole. I'd like to tell him off, but I just...don't.

"_Kakashi_." There's a light pressure on my side, but there's nothing there. "_Please, wake up_."

I am awake. Dammit, someone's messing with me. Oba's always screws around with me whenever she feels like it. Simple, classic things - like leaving a full bucket on top a door or tickling my face when I'm sleeping so I'll be covered in whipped cream. Sometimes mustard.

This has to be some genjutsu atmosphere prank. She's taking things up a notch, I guess. I want to yell at her that the joke's over with, but nothing comes out. I doubt she'd use any jutsu on me like that. I can smell her, little spectacles of her scent mingling in the air. But...she wouldn't do this to me.

Master steps away from me and I can hear Oba calling in the distance. But then everything goes black.

An all-too-familiar beeping becomes louder and louder. I'm sore everywhere. God, I feel like I'd been hit by a car. Multiple times. "..._ashi_?"

Oba sounds closer now. I force my eyes to open, strength faltering each time they fall. I can see her hair - who can't? - but other than that, everything else is blurry. My brain is pounding against my skull. My heart is like a radar, sending messages of pain through my body.

"C'mon, honey," Oba, strangely, pleads, "don't do this again." What's going on? I try to speak, to say her name, but my voice is scratchy disaster. It seems to get the job done, though, because he pops up immediately. She's sitting by my legs on the bed.

My vision restores, and I can see specks of lingering hope in her violet eyes. Her face is a totally different story: the presences of the urge to leap off a two-story roof and of the urge to grovel on her knees to the Lord in her expression are as obvious as blood on a killer's hands.

"Ob...a..." I manage to get out. Voice is a train wreck, but I think she needs to hear it to calm down a bit. I just noticed, there's a needle in my chest. Holy crap, it's sending something cold into my body...! Jesus, this is actually starting to sting-

"Kakashi?" Oba notices my panic, and touches my arm. "You're okay. I promise you. How do you feel?"

"Fine...just fine." I lie. "Here in the hospital again, huh?" My dismissive attitude makes her sigh in relief, flashing the tiniest smile. I try to smile, but the oxygen mask is too heavy. I take a good look at her. "You look like...a deer caught in headlights."

We both laugh quietly. "You think you're funny, don't you?" I nod slowly, holding back a painful smile. "Maybe you're right." she agrees.

Something strange lingers in the air between us. Like, that churning feeling I get when Oba glowers at me. Except, she's not, instead it's almost switched. After our small joke, she looks down and away from me with a disheartening, almost melancholy darkness in her expression.

Perhaps it's the hospital atmosphere. This place is depressing as hell. Families standing by, grasping with chaffed hands onto elusive hope, sending out bribery for miracles and labeling them prayers. Recurring victims being shoved from room to room, being poked and prodded at under a magnifying glass. Fighting, because that's all they know.

Death floats over everyone's head. But that's not the worst part. What's worse is remission - when you have to muster up strength from the scraps of what is shattered for the next time, when you have to tighten the strings on the mask you have to wear to keep a strong face. Standing when you want to sit; smiling when you want to cry. All that, while awaiting the agony to come - the next time. All that, when YOU want to just pull the plug.

Oba and I are mute for another couple of minutes. I listen to my heart beating still, my breathing growing steady. Her worry increasing. I raise an eyebrow at her. "You look like you committed one of the sins."

"Probably."

"What?"

"I did something," she rationalizes, "something to piss Him off. It's karma, and He's taking it out on you." I doubt that's how karma works, if it exists. God probably got hell-bent over the beer I had last month.

"You're being dramatic." I say to her, sinking deeper in my pillow, closing my eyes. Submitting to the medicine's bite. My IV makes some weird sound - like a click - and releases something down the tubes. The needle taped down on the top of my hand stings. I can feel whatever this liquid is surging through my body. "When can we leave?"

"When the doctor says." Oba replys, back to her usual self. Finally. I was afraid she'd give herself a migraine. I feel sleep pulling me in.

I frown, because that's all I can manage to do now. "But I'm fine."

"Good. We'll see what the doctor has to say first, okay?"

Why does she always get her way? When there's an assault charge, the entire investigation should function at the victim's pace, fast or slow, not the bystander's or anyone else. Not even the parents of that person, minor or not. "Can't you just call him?"

"Kakashi. This is important."

"Fine." I give up, purposely making my voice sharp. After a while, I blatantly add, "I can handle this. You don't have to baby me."

Honestly, when I say things like that, I'm scared to hear the response. So why do I do it? Well, to be brief, I don't even know. It just comes out when it's convenient. Maybe it's just me, being an ass as always...

Oba doesn't answer, and it kills me. She must be tired. Done. Instead, when I open an eye, she sighs, looks down, then in the direction of the labs. An apology creeps up my throat, in exchange for my pride. Pride wins, and shoves it back down.

A balding doctor, thank God, comes in in a hurry. He skims through some papers. "Alright, Kakashi," he says, drained, "you feeling good?"

"Mm-hm." I answer. Not lying this time - I'm actually starting to feel okay. Just tired as all hell, but other than that, nothing serious.

"Well, you look good." He smiles at me. I try to give him one back, but just nod instead. "You seem to have had a moderate seizure. Don't worry, nothing's fatally affected. But we do want to order some more tests. Your aunt has the papers."

I glance at Oba, who's probably irritated with me and doesn't want to look my way. A nurse comes in a quickly removes the IV from my hand. It stings for a bit, but that's better than having the needle in.

"You take it easy, alright?" the trauma doctor leaves with the nurse.

Oba stands and starts helping me sit up, barely touching me. Sitting up is like passing through a vortex. A whole new dimension. I'm forced into a fuzzy giddy of dizziness and nausea. The room and Oba start spinning one way, my body the other. My hands are shaking.

"Honey." The blurred image focuses on Oba. I can only make out her hair, no facial detail. I squint at her in response. I see her shake her head. "God, what happened?"

We sit there for a moment to let this stupor pass.

At home, the power goes out. So, Oba brings me to the master bedroom and lights a bunch of candles. The candles set a lethargic tone in here, dim and quiet. I am dozing off when she brings me some leftover chicken and vegetables from last week's hot pot with miso soup.

"Here." She sets them on a tray and places it before me.

"Are you sure it's okay for me to be eating on the bed?" I ask. "And in the dark?"

Oba settles with her own dinner next to me. "Of course it is. You just focus on getting your face fed and your butt to sleep."

"Yeah, okay."

I inhale my food and feel myself drifting off to sleep before she even finishes.

It's dark. I'm awake, but I can't see. The air is tight, suffocating, like when you curl up under a heavy blanket without any openings for too long. Trying to see, I look around to spot a series of candles mounted in the air in the shape of a cross.

There's a Bible and a rusting letter opener on a small round table under it. I keep peering around. Graphic pictures of Jesus withstanding various forms of brutality hang like trophies on the shelves above. They're kind of creepy.

It hits me; I'm in the same damn place I swore I would never return to. Erika's prayer closet at my old house. My prison cell.

I have wasted most of my early childhood here. Being punished for being born. Erika would jump at any chance she got to lock me in here. I would forget to say please or thank you, and next thing I know, I'm banging my head against the floor. Being tossed in like a trash bag. I'm cancer, after all.

Sakumo never knew about it, and I could never bring myself to tell him. Doesn't matter. He wouldn't listen. After all, Erika was just so perfect and the love of his life.

And I'm their bastard child. Ask anyone: how many kids get to attend their parents' wedding? What's even more ridiculous, those idiots divorced when I was four. Four years of a bullshit marriage, and they still couldn't figure their lives out. They divorced, but lived together in the same house. It'd be selfish and ridiculous to say they did that for me. So much for "till death due us part."

The door rips open. And I see Erika's silhouette standing there. Skinny as hell, pale as death. Eyes devoid of everything, but hate and disgust. Last time I saw her, she was dead in my arms. My bloody arms.  
Fear and resentment bubble in my chest and I can't breathe. I want to scream at her, to throw punches at her and tell her to leave me the hell alone.

But, just as I remember, she comes down to my eye level and starts curling my hair around her finger. No signs of affection are present in her eyes, though. She's just...inspecting.

"Have you said your prayers, child?" Ugh, her voice is killing me. So annoying and sickening. I want to vomit in memory of this crap.

I stare at her, not answering. Regardless, she smiles wickedly. Like a snake. Then, right when I feel like I can trust her, like I can let her touch me, she bashes the side of my head with a Bible.

It always repeats.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	10. Ch 10: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

KOKI WAKES IN A SUFFOCATED SCREAM.

He jerks upright. In the poor light the candles around us offer, I can see sweat covering every inch of him. His grey hair is sticking to his forehead; his shirt is damp on his skin. He is breathing hard while staring ahead.

I'm at his side in an instant, a hand on his face. "What is it?" I smooth my thumb over his cheekbone, leaving a trail of his perspiration to smear his skin. He looks at me in a rapid manner, like my touch startled him. By the way his eyes are dilated, I know he had a nightmare.

Nightmares are normal for him. I'm usually a heavy-sleeper, but I've grown accustomed to waking up at random times in the night to ease him.  
Koki shakes his head. "No," his voice catches, and he breaks eyes contact, "just a dream. I'm fine."

No, you're not. I drop my hand and watch him. "What did you dream about?"

Koki swallows hard and remains mute for a moment. His eyes are still widened and a little red. The image of battery. He lifts his eyes to me, briefly. "...Erika." I nod in encouragement. "She blamed me for everything: her life, the divorce, Sakumo's death. Everything." Koki shivers harshly. "And the closet..."

Ah, the closet again. Erika put use to an old pantry closet near the kitchen by labeling it the Prayer Room. She would toss Koki in there for hours at a time, forcing him to pray for forgiveness for whatever he did that she saw to be wrong. Hell, he could be making her dinner and she would throw him in there for failing to add enough salt, accusing him of trying to poison her or something ludicrous.

What was worse was when Koki learned how to refuse. Erika would then proceed to beat him with a Bible until bruises formed. In memory of those long hours, Koki hugs himself slowly and is lost in a wide-eyed stupor. He breaks eye contact with me and stares at the floor.

He gets that face when he's scared, wounded. I've seen it many times during our Tengoku mission.  
I smooth his hair again. "Hey," he looks at me, visibly shaking, "we've been over this, right?" He blinks. "You've just got to let it go."

"How?"

"Well, I'd say your doing it already. By opening up and talking to me. That's the first baby step." I say. I know it's been five years since the whole situation with Erika went down, but I also know how hard killing his mother was on him. Things like that take time.

Koki watches me for a moment, then nods. "Okay." I'm enjoined to hold him close forever. Oftentimes that urge is forced back down, only to become stronger in time. For now, I can only say it is to commiserate with him.

"Any other dreams, baby?" I ask to change the subject with sangfroid.

He nods, tenuous in movement. "Yeah," he says, "I saw her again, but she wasn't...her." A crease forms in his brow, displaying that little dent in the center of his forehead that I love. It's been awhile since it last popped out. I can see it under his hair. "We were at the beach. Master Jiraiya was there, too."

"Oh." I ball my fists. "Sounds like fun."

"I guess. I was drowning, and she dove in to get me." Koki squints at the wall, fidgeting with Nani's pillow. "She looked different. Every time I have those fuzzy dreams, she's just...brighter."

Like granite, I remain stoic. I feign a smile. "Your mother was not always the way you last saw her." Koki turns to me, eyes full of wonder, yet disbelief. "The divorce was hard on her as the years went on. Of course, that's barely an excuse for she's done."

Koki's eyes avert elsewhere. He's still shaken from the nightmare. So, I put a hand on his back. "It's time to go back to sleep. Are you okay?" He nods. I move to my side so he can lay back down.

"U-um, Oba?" His voice stops me as I'm getting to my feet. I turn to him. That familiar across-the-nose blush pinches his cheeks and spreads to his entire face. He hides his face under the blanket.

"What is it, honey?" I ask, inching closer.

I hear him trying to gather the strength to say whatever it is he's trying to say. He groans and mutters, "can I...sleep with your pillow? Since you're getting up anyway..."

"Oh, okay." I hand my pillow to him, and he puts it next to Nani's. He mumbles a grumpy thank-you and refuses to come out. He's probably waiting for me to go. I put a hand on his head. "Alright, baby, good night."

"Night."

I shut the door on my way out, then reconsider, and crack it out a bit. I need to hear his every move. Another visit to the ER is not something I want to participate in.

Papa's here. He's sitting at the dinner table while I descend the stairs. "Please tell me you didn't do what I know you did."

Oh, sure. No hello or good evening or anything. That's so him; straight to business. Or at least when it comes to me. We've been bitter at each other since I was thirteen. Some days we're just like any other father and daughter. Other days we fight like sworn enemies.  
But that's family. I love my papa and he loves me unconditionally.

I think the one who suffered the most was Nani. He's witnessed our arguments, been caught in the middle at times. He's suffered both of our wraths in his usual calmness. But he's the one that keeps us in line. He's kept us together as a family.

And that's what I want to do for my family. It's the same thing almost; Kakashi and I are hot-heads, Nani's our saving grace. The same thing...  
I'm trying, though, to prevent what happened between me and Papa from happening to me and Koki. I think I've done a decent enough job. I hope.

I take a moment, then sigh and join him at the table. I nod. Papa groans and rubs his brow. "Shina," he says, "brain surgery?"

"Yep." I say, confidently. He frowns, so I add, "it has to go. It was a mistake, anyway."

"You understand how harsh a procedure that is?" Papa and Koki have a strange relationship. It's not love-hate; it's more bitter tolerance. One-sided, misguided sourness. Koki would retaliate with his own fleet of sourness and start name-calling.  
Koki's asked me why Papa's so cold towards him. I just shrugged and blamed it on my father's grumpiness due to a mission. It was true, though. Papa's usually a little moody after travel.

Papa speaks clearer, "Why don't you just...not? I mean, the boy's survived this long. Just strengthen it, and let him be."

"You were pushing me to tell him the truth." I point out. "Now you want to turn back?" He sighs internally and listens to my rant. "I found him seizing in the shower a few hours ago. This is getting way out of hand, Papa."

"He might not like what he sees, Kushina. You expected it." Papa's words, like always, hit home hard. Like being slammed into by a freight train of emotions going full speed.

I grasp my hands together and squeeze. I clutch hard enough to make my bones crack, to make my skin turn pink and my fingers white. In the strongest voice I can muster, I admit, "If putting an end to this makes him hate me," I look up sharply at Papa, "so be it."

Snow glistens like crystals in the morning. How the hell it's snowing in June is beyond me. The Third says it's climate change because of pollution and the chemicals and blah blah blah...  
I wake up to an empty bed and there's a text left on my phone. It's from Koki: "Went out with the guys. I'm fine, so don't worry about me. Don't wait up." He sent it an hour ago.

I want to text him - no, call him and tell him to come home because it's snowing and he might get sick. But I know I shouldn't. Even though he was in the hospital before, I should not hover over him. Fresh air would be good for him, I'm sure. And seeing his friends always makes him happy.

That's what's always important to every parent. Their child's happiness. With reason, of course. Now, if he was out smoking pot and said it made him happy, that would be a different story. Let's just say that every parent's goal is to keep a sharp eye out for their baby's well-being while keeping them happy the best they can.

Oh, he was so cute last night. I peeked in around 2:30 to see him sleeping face down against Nani and my pillow. He had his nose pressed all up in the pillowcases and was borderline hugging them. I guess he must like our shampoo or something. It's been the same for as long as I can remember. And mine's just lavender extract, nothing special. Koki's a strange one. I had to take a picture, though. It was too precious.

I'm packing the leftovers from lunch for me and Papa when the fumbling of keys-to-lock startles me. It's so violent and hurried, so it must be Koki. Luckily, I made a lot more food than necessary.

The door rips open and in comes Shizune, Anko, and Guy. I smile at them at first glance. "Hi, you three-"  
It takes me a moment to see that Guy and Shizune are helping Koki walk, an arm thrown over his neck. "Kakashi?!" I hurry over and pull out a chair for him to sit.

Papa shuts the door, keeping the heat in. He cocks an eyebrow at us. Guy and Shizune gingerly put Koki down, and Anko places Koki's phone, keys, and wallet on the table. I touch his face. It's frigid-cold! On top of that, he's wet and shivering hard. Snatching the nearest thick blanket from his room, I shoot a glare, unintentionally, at the other children. "What. Happened?"

As I'm kneeling and wrapping him up, Anko answers, "Dumbo here took a dip in the lake."

"What?!" I glare at him. His eyes roll up to me in response, all wide and expecting a lecture. He doesn't look annoyed or ready to fight like usual. Instead his pupils are enlarged in apologetic remorse. The perfect don't-be-mad face. Must be a side effect of being that cold. "Kakashi Hatake-"

Guy outbursts in loud shame and odd gestures, "I dared my great rival to embrace the relentless frost! To soak in the ice water is to marinate in the baths of youth!"

I look in question at Anko for clarification. She shrugs nervously. So Shizune steps up, "Um, we had Kashi sit in the lake from the neck down for two minutes."

I glance at Koki, who's too caught up in his shivering to notice our conversation. He closes his eyes and sinks deeper in the blanket. It must hurt a little. Borderline frostbite always makes me cringe like that. Dammit, he's already sniffling. "But his hair's wet." I say, challenging her statement.

"He fell back in when his legs numbed out." Don't get me wrong; I like Shizune. Dan's niece, though she lives with her grandparents. Love the girl and her benign manners. Heh, he should be dating her. Anko's a bit too promiscuous. Koki doesn't need that instability. Ugh, maybe it's the situation that's making me angry.

Papa brings a bucket of hot water for Koki's feet after he pulls off his soaked shoes and socks. Under the blanket, he helps Koki change his clothes to dry ones, then takes the frozen shirt and pants and all that and disappears to the laundry room. Shizune bows low while Anko runs her nails through Koki's hair. "I'm sorry, Ms. Kushina. I should have stopped them."

"No, no." I say, kneading Koki's hands back to life. He's anemic. Because of that, he developed Raynaud's syndrome. A rarity. In cases where he's cold or stressed, all the blood in his fingers and toes just stop flowing and they turn white first, then purple. "It's not your fault, dear. Thank you for bringing him back. And Guy, Anko," the usually perky boy and girl both gulp, "how about we try less deadly challenges for now on, okay?"

Anko nods and Guy blinks. "O-okay, Kushina. I'm sorry."  
Yeah, he and Koki do the weirdest things sometimes. I've watched hour-long rock-paper-scissors sessions, some morbid version of tag where the one who's It gets to launch paper-bombs at the victim. On New Years', they sought out to see who could eat the most in the shortest amount of time. It was a tie; they both threw up after a good hour.

Papa returns and plops down at the table. I blow warm air on Koki's hands and thumb his wrists to promote circulation. He sniffles again and swallows hard, continuing to shiver. I'm surprised he's not trying to wriggle away from me right now. "How about you two help yourselves to some lunch?"

"Oh, no thank you." Anko says. "We should get going."

"No, thank you. Stay warm." I say, smiling. The three shyly bow in farewell and head for the door. I see Shizune place a hand on Koki's arm as she goes, then Koki look back at her a slight blush on his face. "And Papa?" He looks at me. "Would you mind getting him some soup?"

Then I glare at Koki intensely. It takes a moment for him to realize it, but when he does, he recoils slightly. "Wh-what?" he manages to say, pulling the blanket tighter.

"What do you mean, what?" I urge. "You sat in the lake, and in this weather?!"

"Yeah, a-and...?"

"It's snowing!"

"I know that, Oba...!" And there's the attitude. "I'm f-fine, okay?"

I groan and rub my temple, then drop my hand in a slap. It startles Koki. "You have to think about things before you do it, Kakashi. You have to!"

"W-why?" His eyes are darting right through mine through his hair, which is still dripping. "Aren't YOU alrea-dy d-doing that for m-me?" Papa places a huge bowl of soup in front of Koki, spoon ready.

"What are you talking about?" I squint.

"M-Master told me about the s-surgery."

I sigh. Dammit, Papa...  
My plan was to give him the full explanation of the surgery when it was just me and him. Probably after dinner. My hair starts to rise off my shoulders. "I told you NOT to tell him until I did, Dad."

He holds his hands up, grabs his coat, and heads out. Ugh, that COWARD! I watch him like a hawk until he leaves.

Koki's frowning boldly at me when I turn my head back. His shivering has gone down, thank God. "Why?" he asks. His frown shifts to one of fear. "I told you I'm fine."

"Honey," I sit on the chair in front of him and pat his hand over the blanket, "the doctor...found something in your brain that's...well, it's not good for you." Koki's eyes widen as I speak. "It's not cancer or a disease. It's just...a glitch that might be causing your seizures."

"Might be?" Koki blinks. "If it's just a 'maybe' thing, I'm not doing it."

"You are." There's so much more I wish I can say. It's not a 'maybe' thing; it IS the thing. My words are getting all garbled up.  
"That's kinda extreme, don't you think?"

"No." Funny, I've been hearing that question since I turned thirteen. Hm, more like seven. The grimace returns. "In two months," I say to clarify and to enforce, "you will have that surgery. It's for the better; you have to trust me."

He remains silent. Strange. I go on, "I need to go to the market real quick for dinner later." He does not react to that. No asking what I'm making or offering to come along. Just that same stubborn frown. "Will you be okay by yourself? Why don't you take a hot ba-"

In a violent jerk, he stands, letting the blanket fall, and storms to his room and slams the door. Ugh, that boy...

An hour is enough time to cool off, I think. I come home to a humming house. I could hear it from outside the moment I stepped out of Nani's car.  
It was like our house had its own pulse, like it was alive and groaning through its throat at me. A rude greeting, I would say.

I place the two bags of ingredients and snacks on the counter in the kitchen. "Kakashi!" I call out, but not for his assistance in putting stuff away. Just to make sure he's alright.

No one comes. No short, stocky big-eyed thing with a permanent frown or pout comes in to answer my call. I organize everything in the pantry and place the meat in the fridge with the vegetables. "Kakashi! What are you doing, honey?!"

Again, nothing. He's either ignoring me or can't hear me over the music. I put a jug of fruit punch into the fridge and close it. I follow the rumbling sound to his room, where it gets louder and louder. Like, ear-splitting loud.

The moment I slide open the door, it all gets even louder, if possible. "Kakashi?! Honey?!" I can barely hear my own voice.

Koki's lying on his back on the floor with his bass guitar, playing with such intensity that I can tell he's still angry with me. On one hand, his fingers slide from fret to fret, and on the other, they pluck hard at the strings.

I make out the song to be something from Linkin Park. The perfect band to be furious to.

His hair is still damp. He has a wet towel under his head, though, but he doesn't look like he'll be drying it anytime soon.  
He has that purple bandana folded in a straight line and tied loosely around his neck. His academy sweetheart gave it to him when they first met. She saw him crying by himself and wiped his face with it. It holds such a precious memory. He's carried it everywhere he went since. Like his necklace. It warms my heart to see him hold such small things on these high pedestals.

Anyway, his eyes are closed, but his frown is still present. He's impressively stubborn to keep that face for two hours straight! It might just freeze there permanently!

I stand over him, staring at him, waiting to be acknowledged. My hair eventually falls from my back and dangles there. His nose crinkles up and the frown deepens when it tickles his face. The volume of the bass's moan lessens when he opens his eyes and stares at me.

"Still mad at me?" I ask, thankful I don't have to scream anymore. He keeps playing, choosing to ignore me while keeping direct eye contact. He makes the instrument groan in annoyance at me, then closes his eyes again. He makes the bass tune me out.  
Is he testing me?! Oh, I have half a mind to-

No. No.  
I can't be mad at him for being like that. I would be pissed off too if I had to withstand some surgery for vague reasons in two months. "Kakashi!"

He plays quieter now, enough for me to stop yelling, but refuses to open his eyes and refuses to stop being mad at me. Through his teeth with a hardening grimace, he hisses, "What. Now? I'm. Busy."

"I need to talk to you."

"That's nice. I'm busy."

"You need to sit up and-"

"Later." He starts blasting his bass again.

After a good few seconds of it, I gingerly place a hand in the middle of the fretboard, instantly silencing the entire bass. Kakashi seems unphased by it, maybe expecting it. "Kakashi," I say slowly and sternly, "we need to talk. Now."

"Get your hand off my strings." he says, too casually for the expression on his face. Instead I lift the bass off him and put it aside on the couch. His hands are wide open as if he's expecting it back. Then, I sit and grab him by the shoulders and pull him up, despite his irritated grunt. He lets his head dangle lazily in the process, then opens his eyes. "WHAT, Oba?"

"Look," I say, "you need this done."

"No, I don't." Koki gets up and tries to leave. "Just stop already. You're annoying me."

ERGH! He's making it really hard not to start beating ass!

I calm myself with a quick breath and snatch him and pull him to sit before me again. His trademark crease by his nose shows his stubbornness. I look directly at him."Would I lie to you?"

Like the pure thing he is, he drops the attitude, sighs, and shakes his head. The frown is gone, now all that remains is a trepidatious pout. "I guess not." I take the towel and start kneading the water from his hair. He further pouts in response.

"Would I?"

"No." He looks up at me, big-eyed as always.

That's the better answer. It is true, though. I refuse to lie to him. I can, however, hide things from him. That's not lying. "What's in you might be fatal." His eyes enlarge as he listens, granted it's possible. I look down at him. "And I can't just sit here and let it become fatal, baby."

"But it's another surgery." Koki complains. It's so adorable when he is reduced to whining. A soldier becoming a ten year-old again. I shouldn't be cooing over it, but I am.

"I know." I give him a comforting smile, sitting back with the wet towel. "But think, it's going to help you in the future. Things will...be better when it's over. You'll see." An understatement, maybe. More so, a prayer.

"There's no other way?" Koki almost trembles. I cringe and shake my head. His shoulders slump and he looks down. "Figures."

"Do you trust me?" He nods quickly. "Then know that you'll be okay." I kiss his head. "Okay?"

"Okay." he mutters and gives me a tiny smile. That's good enough for me. He shyly gets closer to me and wraps his arms around me, snuggling in my chest. "Sorry...about earlier."

I hold him close. "It's okay, honey." I accept, my chin in his hair, staring ahead in thought. I caress the tip of his neck and his back the way he likes. "It's okay." I release him. "Why don't you go shower?"

Koki makes a confused face. "I just took a bath," in a grumble, he looks away and mutters, "thanks to you." He's not fond of baths for some reason. They're so relaxing, like a mini hot spring in your house.

In response to that remark, I take his cheek and pull. "Well, you didn't wash well enough, sweetie. You still smell like dirt-water." His shoulders slump. "Go on. Go!" I shoo him. I rush him out when he turns to zombie out, swinging my arm out wide and landing an encouraging slap on his butt. An incentive to get going!

He jumps in surprise. "Ow! Jeez!" He holds the violated area while giving me a frown of displeasure, though it really didn't hurt him. "I'm going, alright?" I smile proudly as he walks - faster now - out to the bathroom. This drama...

He's such a good boy when he wants to be; he doesn't deserve this. He didn't deserve anything that happened to him. The worst things happen to the wrong people.

It's just...despicable.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	11. Ch 11: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

IT'S NOT THAT OBA SCHEDULED A SURGERY WITHOUT telling me that pisses me off. It's the fact that I am actually getting the damn thing that irks me. Screw it all. Like seriously, what the hell kind of twisted shit is God trying to pull? I've already been through hell, multiple times. What more does He want from me?

Sorry, that was unnecessary.

Anyway, Oba said that there was something off in my brain, but it's not cancer. Well, duh. I'm dyslexic; another way of saying I'm seriously a dumb-ass. I already know there's a glitch in me. There's a ton. She's acting like I'm about to die or something if I don't have it.

She said to trust her. And I do, but this is...kind of a huge thing to me. Maybe not to her, though. Ugh, this is so stupid! I'm fine; I've managed my own problems for as long as I can remember. Why does she all of the sudden get to take charge?!

Maybe I'm being ridiculous. Oba usually knows what's best for me. I wonder what Ani would think about this. He would probably take her side; the guy's her damn lap-dog.  
Heh, there I go being a douche-bag again.

It's around two now. I've been sitting up on the Monument for almost two hours. I don't know why I'm up here, honestly. There was this weird compulsion to be up here. I mean, I've never really been before, so why would I feel that connection? For some reason, when I came and sat down, I started crying. I wasn't thinking about anything depressing. The tears just fell in spite of themselves.

Now I have a headache...

I left school as soon as I got out, whether or not Oba was there.  
She called me a few times and left voicemails: first ones were worried, next ones were irritated, last ones were angry and threatening. I don't care, though.

She's been acting weird lately. Her chakra, especially. It's like its own monsoon. With the Nine-Tails inside her, it's expected that she would wield so much extra chakra. But to have it all disrupted and constantly exercised, that's just weird. Maybe it's just her being her usual worrying self.

When she was calling, I was busy scoring some damn good kush with Asuma at the moment. Life is so much easier when you're high, y'know? Nothing's really a big deal and you can just chill. It's way better than lighting up a cigarette.  
Yes, I'm a stoner, in case it's not obvious. Ani and Oba don't know, though. They'd have my ASS if they found out. Master would just love to talk crap and totally expose me, given the chance. The dude's a total asshole, but I respect him enough not to tell him off every time I see him. He's family.

Something hard and heavy slams down hard on my head. It knocks the crap out of me, sending my head to my lap. There are stars hovering around like flies, I swear. "OW!" I say to myself and glance over my shoulder, "what the f..."

Dang, it's Oba. She's hell of pissed! Like, I knew she would be when I disappeared and ignored her calls, but for some reason I'm still scared. That's how it always is. I anticipate being in trouble and getting yelled at. But once it actually comes...oh, Jesus...I crap myself every time and the world ends in the blink of an eye.

"Why'd you hit me?!" I shout at her, growing some at the wrong time.

"Why weren't you at school?!" she shoots back, hair on edge. Like a pretty version of Medusa with actual hair instead of snakes. Her glare marrs me to stone. "Don't tell me you were ditching!"

I shake my head. "I wasn't ditching!"

"Then why weren't you at school?!"

"It's nothing." I stand and walk away from her.

But she catches me. "Talk to me."

I lash around at her. "Maybe I don't WANNA TALK TO YOU!" I just realized it, but I just full-on yelled at her. My voice echoes three times. I calm myself and look away from her.

Oba's eyes are sharp. I hate when she goes silent. Someone as loud and crazy as her, I think anyone would be a little uncomfortable if she went mute. Even if for a little while.  
She leans in close to my face, eyes slit and focused on me. With venom in her usually energetic voice, she growls, "Get. Your butt. In the car. Now."

Because I'm an idiot who's trying not to be scared of her, I frown back. "I said I don't wanna-"

"NOW!"

Oh, crap! I immediately shoot up and head for Ani's Volkswagen, which is parked at the base of the mountain.

I'm slouching in the car seat beside Oba. The radio's off. Our irritation replaces the music and spreads in the air. I roll down the window and stare out to avoid conversation.

"Kakashi, why weren't you at school when I came?" Of course she starts talking. Damn, I'm not in the mood for this.

I groan and glance at her. "Am I in trouble?"

She shrugs, keeping her hands on the wheel and her eyes on the road. "Of course."

"I told you it was nothing." My voice sounds like a whiny-ass ten year-old. But it's true. I already made it clear that I didn't want to talk about it.

Oba snaps, "If it was nothing, don't you think you'd be in more trouble?"  
Oh...I guess I didn't think about that. I drop my head and look away, wearing the shame and idiocy on my face. She glances at me, then back. "And why were you up there on the Rock?" I can hear a smile in her voice.

"Why not?" I ask, monotone.

She shrugs. "It's a very obvious place to hide."  
Oba was a ditcher back in her days as an academy student. She ditched, fought, and caused the teachers so much grief. They couldn't expel her because of her strength and skill. I guess trying to hide from her is like trying to outplay a chess master.

I roll my eyes. "Whatever."

"So, tell me why. Why weren't you at school?"

"I wasn't ditching, okay?" It's true. As much as I hate school, I never cut class. I mean, it costs money. Like, a lot. Ani and Oba work too hard for me to be that selfish. I am selfish, but over free things. "Drop it."

"Hey," Oba looks at me, "I think I know-"

"DROP it, Oba." I leer at her, boldly.

She moans in annoyance, spraying breaths of evergreen spikes everywhere. Being able to smell people's emotions sucks sometimes. It just shoves it in your face, y'know? She swerves from the left lane to the curb and parks by a playground.

Turning off the car and yanking the keys out of the ignition, she turns in the chair to me. The intense look in her eyes holds me tightly in cold hands. "Alright, mister. Talk."

I stare at her for a moment. The only sound between us is the aggravating sound of children's laughter. A boy runs face first into one of the poles and starts wailing. Sure looks painful. "About what? Ms. Mikoto's gonna be worried if we're late to dinner."

Oba invited Ms. Mikoto over for dinner, obviously. She's supposed to arrive in ten minutes, and we still have a half an hour drive to go. She does have our house keys, but still. "We're already late." Yeah, because you decided to track me down instead of preparing the house for guests. Good job, Oba. Someone obviously forgot I'm capable of walking my ass home. "Look, boy, what's going on here?"

I squint at her. What kind of question is that? "We're going home." I remind her, raising a patronizing eyebrow.

She's unaffected by my response. I don't smell anger on her anymore. Just patience, strawberry-scented. "That's not what I'm asking. I mean, what's gotten into you?"

I feel like being a jerk. "Well, Oba," I further patronize, "I had the same exact thing as found it for breakfast and I skipped lunch. Needless to say, I'm freaking starving. Can we go now?" Crap, I should not have said that. I stare dumbly at her, waiting for her next move.

"Why are you acting like this?" Oba asks. I'm surprised she hasn't smacked the back of my head or pulled my ear yet. Sent out death threats. Not saying I'd prefer it, just that I'm expecting it.

"Why is your chakra acting up?" I question, watching her without showing fear.

Oba is the first to break our stare-off. She sighs and rubs her temples before gazing out the window, and then back at me. "I haven't told anyone before."

"Then tell me."

"You're familiar with the whole jinchuriki ordeal, right?" I nod. She goes on, "Well, the Nine-Tails chakra somehow finds a way to, I guess, eat up my own chakra as the day progresses. To keep me going without passing out, I have to use my own natural chakra to keep his in line. It's like fighting fire with a spray bottle." She puts some hair behind her ear. "I don't like people pitying me, so I keep it a secret."

I squint. "I ran off 'cause I didn't study for a test."

A frown closes in on her face. Her violet eyes turn to a darker shade and narrow. "You're lying."

"Call it defensive. You lied first." I lean back, crossing my arms, eyebrows scrunching all the way down. "You have more energy than a two year-old."

Oba rolls her eyes now. "And you're a dork." She sits back, head on the cushion and eyes on the cars that speed by. "You're a lot like me, y'know."

That genuinely makes me laugh a little. I put my head back, staring through the sun-roof. "How? You're a spaz, you're crazy, you're pretty much a time bomb ready to explode-"

"Alright!" She lashes out. I shrink for a bit, then regain my cool. We both blow at our hair at the same time, and she looks at me, eyebrow raised, "You copying me now?"

"Huh?" I look at her from the side. "You wish." She smiles mockingly at me. Alright, I deserve to be taken down for a bit. I look away to make this an inchsworth easier for myself. "Look, I'm...sorry I wasn't at school. But can we keep this a secret from Ani?"

"Kakashi-"

"He'll kill me if he finds out." Ani knows of my habit of disappearing all too well. He's told me thousands of times to stop doing it. The last time I vanished on purpose was when I was twelve. We were on a mission in the Rain and I wanted to have time alone after we argued. I walked away into town to disappear for about three hours, and he had a heart attack. Beat my ass when I got back. One of the most awkward talks I've had with the guy. "Please, Oba? Just...for now?"

Oba looks a little concerned, but gives in. I did say please, after all. A rarity, even I know that. "Alright. Fine, fine." She turns on the car. "We can talk another time about that. Now, I'm hungry as hell."

Whew! That's a relief. I know I shouldn't make my parents keep secrets from each other, though. I'll find some time to tell him myself when he's in a good mood. Like, a really good mood. Maybe I'll tell him when he's drunk. "I've been hungry."

"That's hilarious."

What?! "Shut up!"

Oba laughs and pushes my head. "You shut up!"

I try to push her hand off my face. We both laugh, forgetting about my not being there for pick-up and her freaking out.

"Oh, honey," I look at Oba as she speaks, "you have a pulmonary test and an echocardiogram on Wednesday. I forgot to mention it earlier." A what and a what? She reads my face. "No needles. A breathing test. Then an X-ray, but for your heart."

It's Monday. Dammit all.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	12. Ch 12: Anko

**Hello! Here goes another batch of chapters! I'm so excited for when it really picks up! I hope you all will like it! And thank you to those of you who've followed me since "Blinded By Fault" and all my new followers! It means a lot! And happy Mothers' Day! Kushina's chapters coming up show her motherly side once more so that's in honor of that special holiday for our mamas! Without further ado...here goes...!**

_**ANKO**_

I'VE BEEN STAYING WITH THE NAMIKAZES FOR ABOUT two days now. They have been so nice and giving to me. I mean, Jiraiya-Sensei just came home from a mission that day, and he was the one who suggested I stay with them for a while. Kushina added that a little time away from Mom would be good for me.

We...had a fight. She wants me to be a medical ninja, like Tsunade. Her best friend. But, honestly, I'm not sure if I want to do that with my life. I want to be on the field, making a difference with the people I want to protect. In the medical field, it's either you save someone or you don't. The don't's are always disheartening. You can't just try; you have to do. I told her that, but she just kept on and on about how she knows what's best for me.  
Usually, she's good at taking care of me and giving me what I need, but lately, it's hard to understand the things she says or does.

Anyways, that's what brought me to run out of the house and sit on my own in the park. How pathetic of me...  
Jiraiya-Sensei, Kushina, and Dumbo were walking one late afternoon and invited me along. After much persuasion, I agreed. I asked how their day was and where they were heading. Kakashi answered first, saying that they were coming from the store.

They didn't have bags, though. Whatever. That's their business. I just hope I'm not in the way...  
Yes, I'm his girlfriend, but still. Mom taught me not to be an inconvenience.

So we're here at the grocery store in the west wing. Super Queen; a vast marketplace with domestic and international goods. People food and pet food. You can find anything here!

It's my first time being here because Mom says it's too expensive. I don't know, I think buying a flat of soda for the price of a six-pack is a pretty good deal. Maybe that's just her, and maybe we just don't think alike. Not like I thought.

I'm zoning out again when Kakashi - a.k.a. Dumbo, labeled for obvious reasons - waves his hand in my face with a disdainful countenance. "What, you ignoring me now?" he says. My boyfriend can be a bit of an asshole, obviously.

"No," I reply, "and stop putting your hand in my face!"

He shrugs. "I ain't the one blanking out, Porky. You better watch it before you hurt yourself."

Damn him and his attitude. Ugh, he's so infuriating sometimes. He's called me Porky since we were little, mainly because I eat a lot. See, I've known Kakashi Hatake since our academy days. He wasn't the same person, then.

Shizune introduced herself to him on his first day. Back then, he was a shy, frightful little five year-old who would follow her around, then run when she noticed.  
I had to catch him one time to get him to at least say hi to me. He did cry a lot, too. She made sure to keep him as happy also could without being too pushy.

He rolls his eyes at my growl of annoyance and nudges me kind of hard. "You're annoying."

His father said that Shizune was his first friend. I was his second. Dumbo was not the type to start up a conversation, obviously. There was just something...off about him. The way he stood, his demeanor. Shizune's first gift to him: her new yellow bandana that her uncle gave her the previous week.  
They would walk hand in hand everywhere we went. I introduced him to Genma and Hayate within the next few months. After he graduated, we formed our squad of five: him, Shizune, Asuma, Kurenai, and me. Kakashi brought Guy into our lives around the time they were seven. That's pretty much how the whole thing started. We all grew up together, doing the same things.

Kakashi and I started going out around the time he returned from that long mission with his aunt. I actually asked him our first, 'cause he didn't have the balls. Whatever, I got what I wanted. It's been a few months.

"Kakashi." Jiraiya-Sensei peeks his head out from the starch aisle where his daughter is in a tangent about a new recipe. Dumbo and I both look to him, faces stark. "Remember that talk we had."

Dumbo growls under his breath, "Okay, fine. Go away." I wonder what this talk was about. It's really none of my business, but watching him getting in trouble is always funny.

Kushina's eyes remain on the list she wrote. "Baby, why don't you and Anko go find me," she counts off with her fingers, "eggs, soy sauce, sesame oil, and chicken and beef broth?"

"Fine." Dumbo turns and starts walking. "Let's go, Porkchop."

"Right behind you, Dumbo." I follow him, staying close and holding his hand so I don't get lost. This place is a merchant's paradise squished into a huge warehouse. It's crowded all the way to the very bolts that hold the structure.

"So, what's going on with you and your old lady?" He asks, not looking once at me. He frowns and bends down to give the egg section the death glare.

I blink in confusion at his weird behavior, then at that familiar bandana wrapped around his right forearm. Funny, I thought he threw that thing away already. Even funnier, Kakashi, this big bad-ass jerk, is wearing a bandana. I'm surprised he hasn't said anything sexist about it like, 'bandanas are for women in kitchens, where they belong.' He would so say that. The jerk. "It's nothing, really. We just...don't agree on certain things."

He glances at me once, dropping the frown. "Like?" He picks up a carton, opens it, then closes it. He nods towards the soup aisle, so I follow.

"Well, she wants me to become a medical ninja. I'm not so sure I want to do that."

"Oh. Tell her that."

"I did. Multiple times." I feel my face getting hot. Our argument is still fresh in my mind. "But she won't stop pushing and pushing. I just left."

Dumbo snatches cartons of chicken and beef broth, and we continue our way to soy sauce and sesame oil. "Why does she want that?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I train hard every single day, but I guess I'm not good enough to work on the frontlines." I take the eggs from him to lighten his load. He doesn't fight me.

"I wouldn't say you're not good enough." Kakashi says. "Has it ever occurred to you that she might see something you don't?"

"I don't know." I sigh. "Maybe, maybe not."

"Maybe it's one of those times." He picks out a specific brand of each condiment and we begin return.

"She's not listening to me." I suddenly say. My words slip out before I can catch them. "I might be good in that field, but I don't have any motivation to do it. I want to fight."

"Then don't do it, duh."

"But she wants me to."

"Then do it."

"You're not listening! If you're not going to listen to me, honestly...!" I trail off, too aggravated to deal with this. I sigh. "I want to make a difference on the field. I need to fight, not sit around injecting medicine."

"Then don't do it." My jerk boyfriend rolls his eyes at my outburst. He's been acting weird lately. Crappier than usual. "Easy solution. Ignore her. Do what you want."

"She's my mom." I would feel terrible if this fight affected our relationship negatively.

He peers over at me. "If you're this conflicted, why not try?" He scratches his head, hair rustling. "Instead of sulking and bitching about it."

"I'm not-" I stop. Am I really sulking and bitching? Is there really reason for it?

"You are." Kakashi's getting annoyed. "And it's pissing me off. Either tell her the truth or suck it up and do it." We find Kushina in the dairy section by the exit. I guess Jiraiya went outside. He places the items down in the cart.

"It's not that easy, Kakashi." I explain. "That decision can really hurt us or really help us."

"Okay, then stop being ungrateful and just do what she says. Goddamn." Kushina stops what she's doing and look in shock at us. At least what she's pushing for is reasonable." Kakashi breaks eye contact with that comment.

Huh?

Kushina advances towards Kakashi, hair flying. She keeps her fast stride, but snatches his wrist from his pocket and drags him along. He has this dumbfounded look on his face as this happens. "It's time for a talk." she directs, leaving no room for arguing. She trails him outside the one-way window.

She launches him like a sack of potatoes, he falls by the carts, and they start arguing bitterly. The first word I can identify out of Dumbo's mouth is 'What?!'

Kushina says something to Jiraiya while pointing at him. Then she storms back in to me.  
Kushina stands by my side with a hand on my shoulder. We both watch the public display. "I apologize for his behavior. He's a tough one to talk to, sometimes."

I don't notice it, but I'm crying a little. I wipe my face and look up at her. "He's probably right, though."

"I can't say." Kushina looks at me. Kakashi rolls his eyes at Jiraiya and groans when he tells him not to, still on the floor. "Listen, I know at times Kakashi can be rude and all, but despite that, he does understand you. Even if a little."

I listen to her words with wide eyes. Outside, Kakashi eyes a pretty woman that struts by, from his low angle, he can look under her dress. Typical. He's such a dog. Jiraiya pokes a finger hard on his forehead. He recoils, then starts yelling back at him again.  
Kushina watches, too. "He's...been through his own struggles. It's not my place to say, exactly, but he has. He can be a little insensitive at times. But that's just his defense; his first response...due to experience."

I drop my head to hide my tear tracks, but Kushina kneels down and smiles at me. "I'm not saying that that makes what he said okay. I know he didn't mean it that way. Don't take it personally; he ain't exactly Shakespeare in the park, y'know?"

I smile back slightly and nod. She nods back. "But...I will try to keep a tighter leash from now on. Okay?"

"Thank you, Kushina." I say.

We both see Kakashi lash out a dismissive wave and look away from Jiraiya. Jiraiya turns on his heel and stomps back to us, lips reading 'Unbelievable!'

"Uh-oh." Kushina says. "What happened?"

"I swear, I'm going to snap his neck!" Jiraiya exclaims. "He's being ridiculous!"

Kushina stands up, shoving her hands in her pockets. Her face is still bright and lenient as usual. "I'll go talk to him. Wait here." She pecks her father on the cheek and takes her leave.

Jiraiya growls next to me. I'm trembling, even though I'm not the one in trouble. I turn back to the window that I'm glad is one-sided. Kakashi flinches at the sound of the door sliding open. Kushina stands over him, and that makes him gulp a little. She puts a hand on her hip. The picture of sophisticated calm. She says one word, 'stop' , and Kakashi starts barking and gesturing like crazy at her.  
With eyes that big and wild-looking, I'm surprised Kushina hasn't dropped dead yet...! I'm surprised Kushina hasn't thrown him off the face of the Earth by now!

But she just shakes her head and says about four or five words. She has this slight crease in her brow. And it's kind of scary; Kushina rarely frowns without yelling. Like kryptonite, it shuts Kakashi up fast. He looks down at his ankles and away to the parking lot, and then mumbles something. She nods yes, and his shoulders drop and he asks her something with this sulking face. She shakes her head again.

"Unbelievable, huh?" Sensei says in his usual sweet voice. Now tamed, he puts a hand on my back. "Shina always gets to that boy."

Yeah. I've seen them walking together on the streets. The way Kakashi looks at her and idolizes her...It's just a sight that leaves me speechless.

Like now, when Dumbo rolls his eyes again and shoots up. 'Fuck that. I'm going home.' Oh no he didn't...I freeze, because he doesn't.

I hold my breath as he shoves past his aunt, who, at first, I think is going to let him go. Kushina grabs him with one hand on his rib. Kakashi flinches and swats her hand away, shooting a warning glare before continuing on his way.

But, as sneaky as she is, Kushina snatches him by the sides and pulls him against her own body. Her hands are planted on Kakashi's sides. I can hear his yelp of surprise through the window.

It takes me awhile to realize that Kakashi's laughing. Like hard. His legs give out, and he's dangling from his aunt's hold. Kushina says, "No, you're not." She's smiling a little at the way Kakashi's thrashing around in her hands. "You're going back in there."

Jiraiya laughs beside me. You'd think, by the way this looks, they're just wrestling for fun. When Kakashi tries to kick Kushina off, she just tickles him harder and he falls at her mercy again. "C'mon, baby. You know better. We've been over this how many times?"

We're still kids. Sometimes we forget it, but we are. We're not even fifteen yet, and we're doing things beyond our age.

After a while, Kakashi yells out, "OKAY! FINE!" He scrambles out of his aunt's grasp, face a little red. "God, you suck."

Kushina's playful smile turns to a taunting one. She nods towards us and says, "Get in there.'"

As told, Kakashi comes storming back in. Kushina casually walks back to us, hands back in her pockets. Kakashi makes brief eye contact with me, then brushes past me. "Sorry." he mumbles and keeps going.

We all know that's the best were going to get out of him. So, I accept it by catching up to him and hugging him. I mouth a thank-you to both the adults. Kakashi's face gets a little red, probably from laughing so hard.

I guess...even though I have rocky times with Mom, I should maybe at least try this whole medical ninja thing. He's family. Family always knows best. After watching that little pubic display of parental guidance, I realize that I miss home. It's been a week since I left, and I've been jumping around from friend's house to friend's house. Kakashi's right. I need to go home.

I guess even the most presumptuous people can be reasonable at times. Even the most predictable people can surprise you.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	13. Ch 13: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

YOU WERE NINE WHEN I TOOK YOU TO THE DOCTOR'S for shots. Your mother was dismissive of modern medicine and your father...well, he was not around. I checked your records to see that you were five years overdue. Five solid years...

You had this look on your face that was just so precious, I couldn't help but hold you in my lap. You had no idea what was coming. But you didn't let it bother you.  
When the nurse came in with the tray, I tightened my grip on you.

"Look at the picture, pumpkin." I said, pointing to the sketch drawing of Mickey Mouse on the wall before us. You loved when I would call you that. You did look.

For a second.

The very instant you saw the needles, you froze. My heart clinched so tight I thought it would give out. I held your tiny hand in mine to find it sweaty and shaking. I peeked at you from the side to see your eyes wide and bloodshot. Speech still evaded you, and all you could let out was a near whimper. You looked up at me for an instant - and that's when I saw tears forming.

After applying the alcohol, the nurse plucked up the first vaccine and inched towards you. You shrank against me, only to fight when I held you still. It pained me, but everyone needs their shots.

You eventually broke free and somehow managed to flip the nurse over on his butt. You went into panic mode because you thought the needles were knives. A reminiscent of that night I came to you as you held that bloody knife.

I had to hold you down again. You didn't scream at all. Instead you cried and looked at me as if to ask why I was doing that to you, why I would take you somewhere to get poked at. I kissed you on the head and held you until the tears vanished. It took almost half an hour. I didn't care. You were so afraid, I had to hold you close.

Now, years later, I am stuck reminiscing on those days while we sit in the waiting room of Koki's favorite place. Expedition Diagnostics. He has a blood test, mandatory for surgery and ordered for analysis. A total of thirteen vials. Koki keeps fidgeting with his clothes and looking around nervously. He hates the doctor's office.

He's mad at me for this. I'd say it's indirect anger, though. Needles and him don't mix well, and I'm letting Nani explain it to him. Nani is muttering words of encouragement, but Koki's off staring into space again.

We wait another five minutes until the specialist calls his name. Koki flinches. "Honey," I touch his head. "Go wait in the room for us. There's some financial stuff we have to do. We'll be there in a moment."

He nods and follows the doctor in the other room, then to the examination room by the exit.

I'm relieved that his echocardiogram showed up clear. The cardiologist said that he has one of the best hearts she's seen in a long time. True. She warned him, though not to overexert himself as much any more. That's like asking him not to walk around with a frown.

His pulmonary test, however, showed that his lungs are a little weak. Just a bit. He has a habit of hyperventilating, which doesn't help that situation.  
The pulmonologist said there's nothing urgent going on. It's just that Koki needs to be a little more careful when the flu season rolls around. Another breath of relief.

Relief is short-lived when Nani and I come to an empty examination room. We know for sure he was placed in that room. We saw him. Automatically, after glancing at the readied needles by the chair, I know exactly what happened. I growl at my husband, "I thought you told him!"

##

In the years I've spent raising you, I've grown immune to you running away and hiding from me. Not out of fear, but out of stubbornness. Zero desire to cooperate with me. Yes, you love me and always come to me for everything, but you know how to give me hell. Sometimes, for kicks.

You hid from me the most when you were nine. When you first moved in. I came in to wake you up to find an empty living room and a stained couch. There, like a puddle on the road on a rainy day, was a urine stain with soaked clothes stuffed under the stands.

I looked over my shoulder when I heard a creak in the wooden flooring in the hall. I saw your eye staring at me. The moment we made brief eye contact, you vanished. I called you twice, but you didn't come. You weren't one to misbehave back then, so that surprised me.

It took me half an hour to discover you squished under my bed. I sat down there behind you and tickled your little foot, which you then withdrew and stared at me.

"Honey," I said, smiling, "if you're going to hide, hide somewhere less obvious." Just some ninja-to-ninja advice. I laughed and pulled you out and into my lap. You fought my hold like a squirming puppy wanting to be put down, but I tangled you up in my legs and held you still with my arms. "No," was all I said. Over and over again. When you gave up, you kept staring at me in question.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, softer. You broke eye contact and then, again, tried to escape my arms. You wriggled around and pushed against me hard, making these exercised noises. I only held you closer and said in a warning tone, "_Kakashi_, tell me why."

That was the first time I had to really give you that tone since the murder. You stopped your tiny fit and shook your head. I could see tears in your eyes when you took a hold of my shirt. As the parent of a mute, I knew what that meant then; you didn't mean to do it. This has been a problem all along. And you were sorry, and expecting to be hit or thrown in the prayer closet. I could tell that last part by the way you'd flinch when I put a hand on your face.

'Damn Erika,' I remember thinking, 'I hope you rot in Hell.' A terrible thought, I know.

"Y'know, not everyone is the same." I said, trying to meet your eyes. "Everyone grows out of it at some time in their lives. I've had friends who wet the bed until they were...they still do it."

You blinked at me. 'But I don't want to do this when I'm that old,' your eyes read.

"Well, I'm not saying you will." I smoothed your hair, then folded mine behind my ear. "I'm just saying that you will overcome this at some point. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but eventually you will. It's just the way you are, no big deal, right?"

You nodded slowly, hesitantly. You were surprised that I'd be that understanding and lenient. Every time you seeked comfort from Erika in this situation, she would yell and throw things. The closet would be your jail cell for half the day.

But no, that's not the way it is anymore.

Even to this day, Koki has those problems when night terrors seize him. A rarity that he would actually wake up in a puddle that huge, though. He still tries to hide it from me, but I know. I mean, I do do the laundry for the most part.

I know how he is, even when he denies it or tries to hide from me. I know him.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	14. Ch 14: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

NO WAY! NO FREAKING WAY! THERE IS NO - _NO_ \- goddamn way I'm getting poked at again! I mean, what's the point? I'm already having surgery, so who cares about my blood and what's in it! Right?

The other doctors said I'm fine, so I'm fine. What's the deal? This must have been what Ani was talking about in the waiting room. I thought he was just being dramatic and decided to give me a motivational speech for kicks.  
I should have known this was coming when Oba told me not to eat anything this morning.

I mean, what's the point? Who cares about my blood and what's in it! This must have been what Ani was talking about in the waiting room. Oba told me not to eat anything this morning.

Ow...well, crap. It feels like there's a rock being jammed into my skull. My heart's racing, I'm sweating like crazy, and the room's spinning. My breathing is exercised. I need to calm down...I need to calm down. Right now.

I see Oba when I splash my face with cold sink water. She's looking down at me with this loving smile. Her hair up in a ponytail and she's singing to me. I can feel her touching my hair. The scent of lavender everywhere.  
Another sharp pain stabs through my temple, making me wince and hold my head. She vanishes. Sweat makes my hands slippery. I look at myself in the mirror. I look like I have a hangover. Dark circles and bags and paleness. Just a mess.

"You okay?"

I jump with a start, afraid it might be behind me. But it's only a middle-aged man who probably should lose a few. "Y-yeah." I reply, looking down. Feeling awkward and not in the mood to talk, I rush out of the bathroom as if I really have somewhere to be.

The very second I step outside the shop that I don't exactly recall going into, the back of my shirt is grabbed and I'm being yanked away. I look up to see Ani. He's frowning hard._ Shit_...

He pulls me into the building that I just escaped from and there's Oba, waiting on the couch in the vacant lobby. Ani yanks me forward and lets go of my clothes. I try to take off again, but of course, he grabs my wrist and pulls me back. "You're not going anywhere, boy." Yep, he's pissed. Like, really pissed. I'm suffocating under their waves of cinnamon-scented rage.

Oba advances towards me, and I feel like I'm shrinking. "Why didn't you wait in the room for us?!"  
Why didn't you tell me about today? You should know by now that I don't take surprises, especially bad ones, well. Trying to sneak a needle in me does nothing but piss me off. "I told you to wait _THERE_!"

I'm just going to ignore you. I'm too busy fighting Ani's grip anyway. Too busy trying to take them both on at the same time with dull weapons. Stalling, ignoring...that's really all I can do now.

My efforts, though, are meaningless. That much is obvious, even to a dyslexic.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	15. Ch 15: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

"_KAKASHI_!"

I yell at him as I'm watching him pull at Nani's tight hold. Why isn't he listening to me? Ugh, he can be so unreasonable! "Do you NOT understand?!" He stops fighting for a moment, looking away, face full of sudden fear, anger, and maybe guilt. His eyes outline the squares on the floor and he's trying to pry Nani's hand off, but I know he's listening to my rant. "Do you know what could have happened if you got lost?! What if you got hurt, and I didn't know?!" I can see his eyes getting glassy.

Koki's stubborn grimace returns as he closes his eyes to fend off irritated tears. Weird; why's he crying? He gives Nani a single hard jerk. I know he's scared and angry, but he needs to straighten up. Nani pulls him closer and orders through gnashed teeth, "_Answer her_...!"

Koki tries his grip again with another hard jerk. "_No_!"

"No, you're not going to answer her?!" Nani chides. His bass voice bouncing off the walls and sending chills up my spine. The way it rumbles in his chest and projects like a lion's roar makes my legs weak. It is scary, I have to admit, and I'm not even the one in trouble.

All Koki yells back is, "_NO_!"

"No...WHAT?!" I push, annoyed at him and his daily menstrual cycles. Koki groans loudly and sits down on the floor. Nani rolls his eyes and lets go of his arm. He leans against the wall and crosses his arms. I shake my head in silence, then let out my own groan and slide down on the wall to sit beside our brat. I rub my temples. "You are such a pain."

"I'm not doing this. You can't make me." Koki claims, sharply, not looking at either of us.

"I don't see what the big deal is." I say.

"It's not YOUR body!" he argues, eyes blazing.

"Which is why I agreed to this!" I shoot back. I need to be stern. "You're going to have this operation, Kakashi! We've been over this."

"I do NOT want to catch you running off again, alright?" Nani growls.

Koki shoots up. "Why?!"

My eyes roll up to him. "Well, I don't know, you could be taken, hurt, lost-"

"Raped, killed. I know, already..."

"Then why do you do this?!"

"Why're YOU doing THIS?!"

"Stop acting like a child." I groan. Then I realize, that's what he is. I look at him, taking in his short stature, his fearful countenance, the very juvenile way he crosses his arms. No, I can't let that sway my decision. I just can't anymore.

Koki shakes his head. "I'm not doing it-"

"Would you rather let your epilepsy beat you down every day?" Nani intervenes. He has this parentally stern look on his face. A sharpness to his eyes, adorning the irises to ice. This is one of those times he's genuinely mad. It's scary, but dangerously attractive. "Would you?"

Koki's visibly shaking. If possible, his eyes blow up wider and he looks down. "Well...no..."

"This is the only way to fix it, and it's not like you're going to be sliced up. Tsunade is going to use a benign jutsu and you'll be fine." Nani's face softens. "Trust me, you'll be in good hands."

Koki takes a moment, then shakes his head again. His frown seemed to have hit the road. "No...no, I'm not doing this...!"

"Pumpkin-" I try.

"What if it goes wrong?!" His voice cracks. "What if it kills me?! Then what?!"

Nani says, "It's not going to kill you and it's not going to go wrong. We made sure of that."

Koki runs a hand through his hair. Distress's poster child."Ani, Oba-"

"No." I bite my tongue. I deserve what's coming. "You're going to have this done." Nani glances at me. "That's final."

The frown returns. Koki stares at me for a moment in silence. "I hate you."

"Kakashi!" Nani warns. Our child, stunning us both, turns his back on us. I put a hand on my husband's calf to keep him from lecturing or anything else.

"Yeah, well, y'know what, boy?" I start, tone low to hide its dysfunction. "You can hate me all you want. Frankly, that isn't what bothers me at the moment. But you need to get your act together. Now." I make the mistake of mumbling, "Why can't you just be easy again?"

"Well, sorry for not being that obedient little shit you want back so badly." Koki spats, bitterly. "Sorry this sucks so bad."

I drop my hand to my lap in a loud smack. "You're right. This DOES suck. And y'know, sometimes I just want to run off into No-Man's-Land, too, just to get rid of this crappy feeling." Nani whispers something to me, but I am too focused on a bruise forming on Koki's hairline. I think he sees it, too. I stand and go over to him, thumbing it gently. "What's that?"

Koki smacks my hand away. "Nothing." A death glare is thrown my way. And two are sent his way.

With a leer, I swing back with a stern "What. Is. It?"

"None of your business." He turns his glare to a man who hurriedly walks past us to the elevator. Nani greets him with a nod and smile. Kind, as always.

I push Koki's bangs back to the top of his head. "It is my business. Is that a bruise?"

Koki gazes at me with blazing eyes. "Yeah, Oba. I ran into a pole on my way to No-Man's-Land."

"You seized, didn't you?" I ask, ignoring the attitude. He nods. "Just now?"

"No, on my last trip two weeks ago." Koki gives me a face that screams 'duh!' For once in my life, I genuinely want to smack him upside that head.

"Kakashi." Nani checks him. That's enough to keep his attitude down and my temper cool.

Koki pushes my hand off slowly, shakes out his hair, and shoves his hands in his pockets, looking at his feet. "It just...happened, alright? I don't know why, but it just did."

"See?" I say. "This is why we're doing this."

His eyes dart up at me. "You're doing this for you." He rolls his head back and makes eye contact with Nani. "So'm I."

"What?" Nani and I both say at the same time, taken aback by this sudden change in decision. We expected to fight and fight until we just take control with a threat or something.

"I..." He looks around, reluctance on his face. He blows at his hair. "I'll have the surgery." He looks at both of us. "But you CAN'T tell anyone."

"You're still in trouble for running off." I say.

He turns from us again. "Figures."

"And you have our word."

He looks at me from the side, then at his reflection in the window. Nani and I sit down on the bench beside him. The way the sun hits his face makes me remember how I felt when he was born. He was so precious and tiny. About what he said earlier, I know he doesn't hate me. Koki's too kind, too pure a person to hold grudges. Raising a teenager kind of makes you immune to I-hate-you's and all that comes with it.

"Ani, Oba?"

"Hm?" His scruffy voice snaps me out of my thoughts.

"I think...something's going to happen when this is over."

Nani frowns slightly. "What do you mean?"

Koki doesn't look at us. He's taken interest in the cars zooming by on the freeway. People running by to catch buses. "These past years, there's been this cycle. I get something great in my life," he looks at us, I want to smile, "and then something tragic happens."

I know what he's talking about. His conflicting life. Zooming through promotions v. Sakumo-Sensei's passing; having Nani as a mentor v. Erika; his Jonin promotion v. Obito and Rin's deaths; having a loving family v. Tengoku. It seems to be that way, evidently. Still, I don't want him to think like that.

"If this whole thing turns out okay," he looks back with a shrug, "I'm gonna pay for it in some way."

"That's stupid, Kakashi." I blurt out.

His face remains calm as he keeps staring. His eyes sparkle in the sunlight. I know by the squeeze in my chest - there are small tears present. "It is."

##

It's past noon now. Two hours after the blood test was scheduled. The specialists are understanding, and they wouldn't dare try to deny service from the Yellow Flash. Yes, I had to sell out my husband to get a fast appointment. Nothing sexual or anything, of course. They wanted to just touch his hair, feel his tight body a bit.

I'm not complaining. I already have him and I know he did not enjoy a second of it. He's still pouting here beside me in the chairs. I put my hand on his back and rub it.  
It cheers up Koki, too.

"I can't believe you." Nani mopes, eyebrows scrunched down.

"Aw..." I coo at him and kiss his neck, making him flinch. "_Poor baby_...! I know..." I stroke his hair and kiss him all over his face. "I'm sorry."

"_Ew_..." Koki recoils and tries to look away.

"You." Nani eyes him sharply. "Your fault."

"_M-me_?!" Koki perks up. "Nuh-uh!" Nani shakes his head at him. Koki whines further, "But that wasn't _my_ idea!"

"You ran off and missed your appointment."

"Yeah, but-"

"Grounded."

"Ugh..." Koki blows at his hair. He mumbles in a grumpy tone, "Not my fault. It's hers."

I join him on the table, paper covers rustling. "Hey." He shoots a glare at me. I take his face and kiss it hard on his nose.

"Stop." he groans at first. I kiss his cheek again, and he starts laughing a little. Instantly back to a ten year-old.

"Yeah, that's right!" I say, tickling him on the rib once. He bounces back and hides an involuntary smile, crossing his arms. "You mad now? Huh?" I poke him again, so he covers his body.

"Okay, okay..." he scoots away from me, still trying to fight a smile. Nani laughs at us.

The specialist comes in with a bright smile as Nani tells Koki to move to the chair. He's got a nice smile, lots of teeth. "Hello, Namikaze family!"

That's us.  
Nani shakes his hand and I bow to him. Koki...remains stone. His eyes are becoming dilated again. All he's focused on is the needle.

I'm too busy watching him, trying to figure out what to say. Next thing I know, the needle is approaching. It's a pretty good-sized syringe too, even I'm getting a little nervous. Koki sinks back a little. He's fidgeting with the compressing wrap around his arm. He's pale.  
"U-um," he stammers, "_I-I-I_ really...don't think I want to do this anymore."

"Remember what we agreed on." Nani says, comforting our baby. The specialist holds back and waits."It's not gonna be that bad. Just relax."

"You're in good hands, baby." I say. When I touch his hand, it's clammy and shaking.

"I'm relaxing...! I'm fine...!" He's hyperventilating. "I just don't want to do it anymore...!"

"Keep your head, squirt." Nani puts a hand on his head. "Don't look at it."

Koki shakes his head rapidly. The doctor comes over. "No, I'm looking...! He could be a spy or some-HEY!" Koki jerks his arm back.

"Honey, it's okay." I speak slowly, hand on his back. I can feel his heart pounding hard at rocket speed. "Look at me. Look, see?" He glances wide-eyed at me. "You're okay."

He nods and looks down, bringing his arm back up, reluctantly. He bites his lower lip and stares at the specialist as he re-adjusts the wrap and flicks his arm for a good vein. And ta-da! One blue bulging vein pops out.

Koki swallows hard, a curve forming in his brow. His eyes are darting around in silent panic. I rub his back when I see his chest heaving as he's starting to hyperventilate. Nani watches him closely.

"Now, it'll only be a small, tiny pinch." Dr. Kudo takes a gentle hold of Koki's arm again and inches the needle closer. And closer. The tip is about to pierce his skin when Koki suddenly headbutts him hard, sending him across the room.

Nani and I gawk at that. Koki, too. "_S-sorry_...!" He shrinks into the chair as the doctor scrambles to his feet, Nani helping him. He rarely does that. "Sorry."

"_Kakashi_!" I admonish. He flinches at my voice, already knowing what he did wrong.

"No, no, it's fine." Dr. Kudo collects himself and sits back down in front of Koki. Wow, he's not even dazed! And Koki hits hard! "I prefer that over screaming and crying, trust me."

"I'm sorry." I apologize to him.

"Alright, boy," Nani says from behind Koki, "let's get this done." He shakes his head, refusing to bring his arm back up. "Kakashi." He rattles his head again, eyes getting bigger and more bloodshot. Nani takes his wrist and gently puts it on the table. "C'mon, squirt. Bite the bullet, right?"

He holds Koki down; one hand on his shoulder to hold him against the chair, the other on his forearm to keep it on the arm. Koki fights his grip. "NO! Get off!"

He stops when I say, "Don't thrash around." He looks at me then his Ani with the 'why' face I mentioned.

Nani shakes his head. His eyes are serious. "Don't. You don't want to hurt anyone again, do you?"

"Honey, come here." I kneel down next to him, and he puts his face in my hair, taking the rest of the blood test in silence. Nani nods at the specialist to proceed. I watch his fists ball when the tip enters his arm. He makes a sound when he feels the blood being taken from his body. Nani has already let go. But he doesn't move until the specialist gives him the okay.

Poor thing. I'm so sorry.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	16. Ch 16: Kushina -continued-

**KUSHINA ~continued~**

I HOLD MY BABY CLOSE. HE'S STILL SHAKING A LITTLE, even though all that remains of the syringe is a small tissue and paper tape. He brings a hand up and clutches my arm, as I am hugging his head. "It's over, now." I say in his ear.

I know what you're thinking: why are you babying him? Why is he such a baby? Well, the answer to both is lengthy; first of all, Koki was born with the phobia, but at the tender age of nine, he was assaulted in the highest degree by his mother, Erika Yuno-Hatake. Erika was a schizophrenic, religion-happy psychopath, and she believed Sakumo had infected her with some form of cancer. She gave birth to Koki, and called him a sin. She never loved him. Eventually, she felt it was time to end her nine year-old sin and gain entry to Heaven to be with her merciless god.

Her God and my God are very, very different.

So, on that night, Koki was stabbed mildly in the back, slashed all over his body, and beaten until bruises rose. When Erika tried to jab the knife through his head, Koki grabbed a hold of the blade and turned it against her. By the time I arrived, I saw Erika impaled with a bloody Koki sobbing and trying to pull her up.

_"...Ku-Kushina...Kushina, please! Help!"_

Just thinking of it makes me want to vomit. The way he was still trying to love his mother, even after all she had done to him. After all the abuse and neglect, he still wanted his mother's affection.

_"I k-killed her...I killed my mama...I want her back...! Bring Mama back!"_

Lord, have mercy on us all.  
I called emergency services for the body. And I took Koki - bloody and weeping - back to the house. Papa threw a fit, calling my baby a murderer, a monster right in his face. After hours of therapy and incompetent doctors, I decided to adopt him. With time and encouragement, Koki slowly began to return to normal, but speech escaped him. He suffered PTSD and trauma-induced amnesia for months to come. It took almost a year, but I got my baby back.

So, to clarify why he's so afraid of needles, he was born with the fear, but Erika just made it worse. Terribly worse. He needs to be handled with patience, reassurance, and lots of affection. And, no, he's not being a baby. He's trying just as hard as Nani and I do to keep him calm. But it's never in the least simple. He's only thirteen.

I kiss him on the cheek and make him look into my eyes. He doesn't say anything. He's loopy from the shock and blood loss. "You're okay." Anyone would knows Kakashi would not recognize this side of him. At all. He would never ever let anyone touch him or kiss him, especially in public.

Koki nods slowly, like a beaten dog. He takes a strand of my hair and holds it close, breaking eye contact. I open my arms right in time for him to fall into me, too traumatized to hug me. "C'mon. Snap out of it." I say, smoothing his face. "It's over."

Nani comes over and ruffles his silver hair. "You're fine." he says. "See? Wasn't that bad, right?" Koki jabs out an arm, striking him right in the stomach. Like, right there on the lower part. Nani makes an unearthly sound in sudden pain and arches over for a bit. "I...probably deserved that." he chokes out.

"You're the worst." Koki grumbles through my clothes.

I gently clutch a lock of his hair. "Hey, no. Bad." He groans in response. I give my husband an empathetic pout, then laugh when he stares at me in self-pity. Dork. "How about we grab something to eat? They took a bunch of vials from you."

"Okay." Koki mumbles.

Nani's leaving for work tonight around six, so we just decided to eat dinner early with him. It's around 1:30 now. "I can go for some ramen right now." Nani and I, like always, are in sync. We are so different, yet so alike.

Koki laughs at our little choir. "Me too. Ichiraku's miso ramen..." he trails off for a moment in food heaven, "it's over."

"It's Jesus." Nani agrees, fully recovered from the blow.

"It's settled, then!" I say. "Let's go!"

**-2 days later-**

It's a nice night. Plenty of stars in the clear sky. Still pretty cold, too. Good for making a cup of coffee and just relaxing in bed. Lazy weather, I'd say.

I just sent Koki to bed. He has school tomorrow, so bedtime's at 10. I found him asleep on the piano in the den. It was a peaceful day. We didn't fight once; he seemed to be in a decent enough mood for us to actually talk at the dinner table. I heard him covering songs. I'm pretty sure it was of "_Mercy Mercy Me_" and "_What's Going On_".

It was so cute - the way he would first play the keys, then slowly, shyly, start singing the lyrics as if no one was in the house. I was videotaping it to send to Nani. He loves listening to his boy's music. The graceful heartbeat of R&amp;B pulsates through Koki's body like blood. The piano keys are his soul. It's just so natural, so fluid. Just like his Ani. Even though they differ in genre, they are very similar in artistry. They just...go into another universe when they start going. Oh, you should hear them duet. Both with voice and piano, I swear, it's beautiful!

I still remember the first time I heard my Nani sing. Oh, it was beautiful. We were young and fly, crazy and all. He was his usual cool self, just singing to the moon one clear night much like tonight. I was spying on him, but then got lost in his voice. Oh, I swear, he is my perfect definition of R&amp;B.

As I listened to Koki's lyrics, I saw that was actually they were somewhat mournful songs. What stands out is when he broke into the transition with passion in his smooth voice.  
The way he stroked that piano just made me want watch all night. He made that piano do what he wanted. Just like his Ani.

Aw...My God! My baby's in love...! And with a girl that has the whole package! I'm so proud! I need to tell Nani, but he probably already knows through his own observation.

Anyway, enough with the crazy mom act. I woke him up, and there was a notepad filled with music under his head. The ink copied on his cheek and he was drooling. I chuckled, and wiped it off with some saliva with my thumb. He was too tired to fight me. I put him to bed, like, an hour ago.

I'm both glad and relieved that Koki never let piano slip out of his life. He picked it up when he was just a baby. I remember how he used to spend all day there, just laughing at the keys' tinkles to himself. He put on his first show for me at age three. It was so cute. He still had those cute gap teeth and the dimples by the corners of his mouth.  
Sakumo-Sensei, Papa, Nani, and I would spent hours just watching. That was my Koki. The pianist who stole my heart.

I remember, like, a few months ago, I think around the time Koki fully recovered from Tengoku, I was cleaning the dishes from lunch. We had Ko and Papa over earlier and they'd just left. I was scrubbing away when I called for Koki. He didn't come, so I assumed he was taking a nap or just busy with something else. Attitude or not, I'd usually get a response. Either a "_yes, Oba_?" or a "_WHAT, Oba_?"

After a few moments, I heard the sound of pitter-patter footsteps and shuffling behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see him half-heartedly break-dancing with, to my further notice, fad hip-hop music blasting from his earbuds. I forgot which song it was. Anyway, I tried to call him again without success. Then I faced him, only to realize that his eyes were closed. When I approached him, he just glide-danced away. Probably unintentionally. His eyes WERE closed, and I told him I was going to the market. Like I said, he gets lost in the realms of blasting basses and pounding beats.  
He moonwalked his way around the house, so, bored with chores, I just followed him around and enjoyed the show.

I ended up videotaping it, like always, and showing my husband. I know, I know, I'm being a crazy soccer mom. Sorry, but you have to understand that it's rare for him to find a suitable release from all life's stress. It's comforting to see him become passionate about something. Lets me know when to breathe.

Something catches my attention. It's not banging, not slamming. It's heavy, but not bulging. I get to my feet, putting my book aside. I hope Koki's not sleepwalking again. He ended up on the street once, and I would hate for that to happen again.

I descend the stairs quickly and check the door, check every door and window. All locked and secure. When I turn around, I jump with a start when I see Koki there, staring at me. We're by the den, which is a walk from his room and the bathroom. "Honey." I put my hand on my hip and shift my weight. "You're supposed to be asleep. You have-"

He slowly turns back around and trudges to the stairs, where the door to the living room is. I follow him, not liking the way he's going about. There's something...off about his demeanor. "Baby?" I touch his back. Nothing. No groan or startle.

He slugs over to his couch, picks it up, and starts dragging it to the door. It doesn't fit, of course, but that thing's, like, twice his weight! How the hell...

"Kakashi?" I put my hand on his hand, but he still doesn't notice me. When he moves to the side, so I take that time to push the couch back in place. I hurry to him just as he's about to go wander off on some other adventure.

"Ok...aa..." he mumbles.

What...?! I freeze. No, now's not the time! I grab him and put him on the couch, pulling a blanket up. He doesn't flip over on his stomach like he always does. Instead he remains on his back, staring at the ceiling.

Then, when the vacancy in his eyes is swallowed whole by a terrified, haunted countenance, I go pale. "Honey?!" I cry out in a gasp. My baby's body tenses, I can feel it, and he begins shaking vigorously. By the way his eyes are slammed shut, it looks so unimaginably painful. I take him off the couch, having him on the floor rolled on his side. The shaking hasn't stopped. I look on wide-eyed.  
He's making these choking noises, and it makes my heart ache. I tighten my grasp on him.

He cringes suddenly, and curls over, a hand tearing at his hair. Sounds like he's in pain - almost as bad as the pain inflicted on him from the number code whenever it was activated. The shaking intensifies and he grips my arm tight and doesn't let go.

I need an ambulance...! _Dammit, where the hell is my phone?!_

Calm down, Kushina, just calm down. The doctor said to stay calm and keep him steady when this happens. This is just for now; tomorrow, Koki'll be fine and Nani'll be home.

Then, it halts all of the sudden. Koki's limp body remains there for a moment. I pry his mouth open so that any excessive saliva can pour out. Absentmindedly, I run my hand down his cheek. I expect myself to be crying but I'm not. Knowing he's okay, I place my hand on his hip, only to discover that it is soaked with urine. When Koki's eyelids flutter, I brace myself, praying it's over.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	17. Ch 17: Kakashi

_**Haven't posted in a while...got packed with everything all at once. It's just crazy.**__**Anyway, hope you all are enjoying the story so far. Thank you for your R&amp;R's and follows/favorites, everyone. Enjoy!**_

_**KAKASHI**_

OW...OKAY, REALLY OW...

Ugh, I feel like I just got hit by a train. Twice. Crap, everything's all blurry and heavy. I roll on my back and am hit by ponderous exhaustion.  
This feels like waking up from my knee surgery. Anesthetics can make you feel like a mud. Bubbly, sloppy, clumpy mud.

Wait...

I see her again. We're sitting together on top of the Monument, where I was sitting the other day when I disappeared. It's...strange. An out-of-the-body experience; I can actually see myself and her. I look to be around four or five. I'm in between her legs and she's smoothing my hair the way she always does.

Small me stands up and points up into the blue-fading horizon, stars poking out from the darkness. There are lines of orange, red, and purple outlining the far mountains. Streetlights switch on, further complementing the view.

She wraps her sweater around me as I'm talking about nothing. I urge her to look up at one specific series of stars. "That one looks like Ani!" I say. "There's Daddy!"

Whoa, hang on. I met Ani when I was five. And I met her when I was six. This doesn't make sense...!

I keep going, switching arms. "Look! And that's us!" I'm pointing at a circle of bright, golden stars surrounding a small, frail one. "You and Ani are the circle and I'm there in the middle!" I look excitedly back at her. Man, I'm conceited. "See?"

"I see it, Koki." She smiles, but it's definitely forced. Weak. I thought only my dad called me that. I haven't heard that in ages. It's been locked in a chained box, light-years away in empty space.

Small me drops that big gap-toothed smile I hate. "What's wrong?"

"Koki, you know we have to-" she stops, eyes wide and tearful. I blink dumbfounded, so she sighs and holds her arms open. No warm smile present. "C'mere."

Ergh...! God, what is going on? The stabbing in my head is getting worst. There's this high-pitched screeching right in my eardrums. But I can still hear us talk.  
I crawl back in her arms, facing her with big eyes. Damn, my eyes really are huge.

"What is it?" I ask.

She just kisses my head and smiles through melancholy. She picks me up and makes me face the fading sun. I take a lock of her hair and hold it to my face. She starts singing this song. I feel like I know from somewhere.

Suddenly as the bridge begins, she puts her hand to my nose and mouth area and presses hard. My body goes limp against hers in seconds. When she moves her hand, I can see a barrier design in the palm of her hand. The kanji reads, "slumber." Well, obviously. She just smothered me.

Tears fall from her eyes as the song ends. She takes a moment to sniff and gazes briefly at the sun as it hides behind the mountain. She then raises her left hand to her face. It reads: "farewell." And it starts glowing this yellow hue...! Satisfied, she lowers said hand to my head. I can see a small spark enter my head, and it sparkles through my face.

It settles around my eyes before branching out like a firework. My eyebrows scrunch down and I moan almost in pain for a moment.  
A teardrop drips on my sleeping face. "_I will always be here for you, pumpkin pie - even though you won't remember me._" Her words are just as I remember them.

"_'I wish it didn't have to be this way._'" I say to myself in unison with her. It's like this was rehearsed over and over again. I know what she's going to say before she says it.

I hold my necklace and stare at it when she takes the same necklace off her own neck and places it around mine. It's the same exact one; a pure silver Triskele Shield amulet with a thick black string. It's exactly the same! Right down to the microscopic chip on the left side. Realization slams into me hard.

"..._Okaa loves you, Koki. Always."_

When I come to, there's blood all over my face and on the couch. I look in the mirror to see that it came from my nose. Damn, looking like I got my face bashed in. I wipe it on my shirt, then change my shirt. If she saw me like that, she'd freak!

I immediately scramble for my necklace. This...was hers, not Dad's. All those dreams I had of Erika actually loving me, it was all her. It's always been her...! I need to see her! I need to make things right; I need her! I look at the clock, which reads: 03:43 and under it 10 July.

Oba's birthday's today. I mean, Okaa's birthday. I haven't called her that in years. I used to when I first moved in in my head because she pretty much was like a mother. And still is. Finally, I get to actually say it to her face!

I hurry out of bed and run out to the kitchen. Ani's home, sitting at the table with paperwork. I see her scarlet red hair swirling like ribbon around by the stove. She turns and washes dishes. Lavender everywhere - that hypotizing scent. I swallow hard, taking a bigger risk than I did on the Tengoku mission.

"_Okaa_."

She spins around fast, looking directly at me. Her violet eyes dilate with shock and tears form on the bottoms. Ani looks up at me, the same face, minus the tears. Pure shock. Her lips say 'what' with no voice. She shuts the water off.  
I hurry towards her, missing her even though she's right here. "_Okaa...!"_ She full-on runs at me, hugging me tightly and dropping to her knees. And I hug her back, tears already falling. I don't care.

She's crying harder than I am, which is still pretty hard. As if checking if I'm hurt, she smoothes her thumb over my cheek, then kisses me a bunch of times. "_My baby...! Oh, my Koki._.." Her hand is in my hair, and I have my face in hers.

Ani joins us on the floor. We both look at him, red-eyed and all. Knowing what to do as always, he gathers us both in his arms. "Ani, Okaa..." I'm clutching his shirt. "I'm sorry..." I'm a snotty mess. But who cares? "I'm so sorry...I love you both...and I promise, I'll try to do better...I promise..."

"Sh, baby." Okaa thumbs away a tear trail, my face in her hands. I put my hand over hers and nestle my cheek into her palm, more tears falling. "We know...It's okay..." She start crying harder.

"It's all going to be okay now, right?" Ani reassures us with a smile and a weak voice. I flinch when I feel something cold hit my forehead. I look up at him. I have never EVER seen my master cry. I'm glad this is the occasion for the first time. He wipes his face and laughs at me and Okaa weakily. "We love you, too, Squirt."

"Always." Okaa gets out.

"Why did you leave?" My crying distorts the question, but it gets out okay. I ask them both this. "Why?"

Okaa just drops her head. Ani holds us tighter, the only one who's really keeping it together. I bury my face between their bodies, taking in their scents. The scents that have comforted me through pain and grief, through struggle and failure. These are...my parents. The parents I've been missing without even knowing. Adoptive or not.

Well, I was going to head out for some kick-ass reefer with Asuma today. But naw - I felt like staying home. As good as getting fatally stoned sounds, I just...don't feel like it.

I just want to play my piano all day. It's been therapy for everything since I joined the academy. It's been a part of me since Okaa left. It's the one thing that makes sense.

I'm torn between being angry - like, a hell of angry - or just shrugging it all off. Should I be mad at Okaa? Should I be mad at Ani? Can I blame Dad and Erika for this? Or myself?  
Maybe it's best to wait until the whole story finds its way out. Whenever that will be.  
But, as I'm having surgery in a matter of months, I'm scared that this, knowing some about my past, will go away. And I don't want it to.

I don't realize it, but I'm playing disruptive forte. Okaa comes in and sits next to me. When she touches my arm as my hands are spastically laying out combinations of keys, I recoil and look at her. She honks my nose. "You're loud, baby. Like, really."

I force a laugh. "Oops." It doesn't take long for a frown to close in on my face. I look down at the keys to avoid her eyes and keep playing a random harmony, this time mezzo forte. I can't stop thinking about that night. I have so many questions to ask her and Ani.

But maybe now isn't the best time.

"Honey," Okaa touches my hand to make me stop playing, "how about you and I go out to the lake tomorrow?"

"But I have class." I say, cocking an eyebrow.

"I'll let you cut. Just this once."

I shake my head and fidget with the keys, making sure to play in piano - the softest dynamic. "You said that last time. Remember?"

Okaa gives me a face. "Shush. I think you deserve an explanation. Besides, it's just summer classes. You can skip. Your Ani has some errands to run for the Hokage, though."

"Oh." I stop for a bit, then continue playing.

"It's fine." Ani's voice bounces off the walls, startling us both. He's standing against the door, arms crossed. "You two have fun."

Okaa smiles at him, then me. Feeling awkward, I peer at my master, who's also...smiling at me...? Okay, I'm really uncomfortable. I shrug, breaking into a nervous laugh. "Okay then."

"Okay then." Ani says. He pushes himself off the wall and heads to the kitchen. "I'm gonna start dinner now." I think he's making her favorite, since she refused to go out to dinner for her birthday. I'm pretty sure it's just chunky, meaty chili with sweet cornbread. She's loved it since Ani first made it when they were dating. It's pretty damn bomb!

"No, Nani, come play us a song!" Okaa implores him.

But he keeps walking, a little faster actually. "I'm starting dinner, Ku."

"Nani!"

"_Din-ner...!"_

"Ugh, you suck!" Okaa growls at him.

It's been awhile since Ani last played something. I think the last time was before Tengoku. Yeah, he was at home for a day or two.  
It was their anniversary. He covered a piano version of some JoDeCi song. I have to admit, it was pretty cool. Okaa melted on him like butter. She gave me a butt-load of money without even looking at me and told me to go to the movies.

Ugh, my God, GROSS! Still get the chills just thinking about it. I may be thirteen, but I can smell horny from miles away.

Which is why I picked up Asuma and Guy and headed to the Southside. Not the safest or the cleanest, but hey, I needed OUT. We got some cheap-ass skunk down there, though. Never going to that corner again.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking about weed when my parents are right here.

Okaa touches my head, thumbing over the stupid dent in my forehead. She kisses it. "Why don't you take a nap while the food's cooking?"

Yeah, that sounds like Jesus.

I am startled awake by Ani's obnoxiously loud sneeze in the kitchen. My head's on her stomach and she's fast asleep. We're on the couch in the den, still. It floors me that she can pick me up. I look at my aunt closely.

This is her. This is the voice in my dreams. The mother I thought Erika was before. The addicting scent of lavender that lulls me. I feel so...I don't know, light and free, but not in the way kush makes me feel. I pull some of her hair to my face and lay my head down on her chest, sinking into her warmth. Her arms wrap around me in her slumber and it makes me drowsy. As long as no one else sees this, I'm content. I fall asleep on top of her in sweet serenity...

And no, I'm not being a pervert. This is Okaa.

**Please R&amp;R!**


	18. Ch 18: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

I DON'T KNOW IF I SHOULD BE NERVOUS OR CONFIDENT at the moment. I mean, this is a huge deal. A complex topic. A labyrinth of a story, it seems. He's still so young; I hope he will understand. But then again, I have to consider his little menstrual cycles and temper.

For once, I don't really know what to expect from my baby. As we drove up, he was all smiles and perked up. We didn't talk much. Not through words, at least. Every time we made eye contact, even if brief, a sonnet would be written. When he called me Okaa again and I looked at him, I saw that four year-old with the same teeth, the same dimples, and the same loving spark in his eyes. If I told him that, he'd pout that same adorable pout and cross his arms in a juvenile manner.  
Funny, I'm still just Okaa and not Okaasan. Koki always thought the latter was such a long name for someone you see every day.

It just makes me laugh how old habits never leave. People often look at him funny when they hear him call me that.

But as of now, I just hope my words won't escape me. I hope I won't choke up. I hope he won't have another episode.

__

The water sparkles like crystal. Untouchable little specks of iridescent beams that adorn the area. Pure and radiant. I don't know why I needed to come out here to explain the whole situation to him. Maybe I'm stalling. Searching for strength in nature's beauty.

Koki splashes his feet in the water, disturbing the peaceful flow of the water. A curious fish swims by his toe, and of course, like the little mischievous boy he's always been, he slams his foot down on top of it. The poor thing retreats into the darkness, and he laughs, more so cackles, at this small victory.

I shake my head with a smile and stare at my feet. Ugh, I need a pedicure.

"So," Koki's voice is so young, "you and Ani never answered my question. How come you erased my memory when you were planning on coming back?"

There comes a time in everyone's life where they truly get choked up. It's not just getting nervous or floundering before a life-changing event. It's pure trepidation; not wanting to know what the future may hold, wanting to tell the truth, but allowing the words to get lost in anxiety. You just freeze. An episode of anticipative paralysis.

I collect my thoughts, will down my spastic emotions, and pray for fluency. "Well, I wasn't." I don't know if I should tell him that part yet. He tilts his head, but I shake my head. "It's...It was a time-and-place thing."

"Oh, okay." He doesn't sound convinced, but doesn't push again. He looks down at his feet, eyes solemn. The light in his face fades to a shadow of misfortune. "My parents never did love me, huh?"

"Koki," he looks at me, hearing the tone in my voice, "they...Sakumo did. He loved you more than you think. But..." I squeeze my hands into balls.

"I guess not as much as he loved her." He drops his head further. He nods, though, as if it makes perfect sense.

"I'm sorry, honey-"

"I can't blame him, I guess." Koki shrugs. "I mean, he was barely home."

"Sensei was a very busy man. I'm afraid that was the case." I take his hand. "But he did love you very much. Trust me. I remember he used to call every night to ask about you."

"He did?"

"He did. Every single night he was away."

I remember, after the repression jutsu, Kakashi was all over his father. Sensei did get a little more time off, so he was around more. He would walk and talk to him with such excitement, sometimes would walk backwards in front of him. Just chattering away.  
For the first year. That carefree nature faded with time.

Now, I expect him to be a jumble of emotions, honestly. I expect yelling and cursing and tantrums. Maybe tears. But I also expect that he would understand. Instead, I get a dismissive shrug. "So, you were really my dad's student?"

I nod. "Yes." I say. "Sensei and I bumped heads a lot, but we had our good times, especially after you were born."

"Were you guys close?"

"I would say so."

"Like me and Ani?"

"Somewhat. We grew very close because of you." An inquisitive glean in his eyes beseech the truth. The entirety of his traumatic childhood. I take in some much-needed air. "Anyway, the truth...Well, for starters, you were born on the 9th of February." I say.

"But Mama said-" he stops, frowns, then continues, "Erika said my birthday was in September. The 15th."

"That...was the day I erased your memory. She got you baptized afterwards." Probably because she wanted to cleanse her sin from my dirty hands. To her, I was a servant of Satan with red hair to seduce unfortunate souls to do my bidding. Ai-ya...

"So...February 9th, huh?" Koki asks solemnly. I nod. "A day before Obito's." Looks like he wants to pass out. But soon he embraces that fact and nods. "Okay." he accepts, then cringes harshly, shoulders hiked up. "Ew, but that means I'm an Aquarius."

"You are." I chuckle.

"But Virgoes are cool." I laugh and smooth his hair. "Aquariuses are all moody and rebellious and blunt."

"And you're not, baby?" I tease him. He eyes me in feigned annoyance, then starts smiling and looks down.

He's literally the Aquarian poster child. And I'm not even exaggerating. He's clever in his ways, unique and obstinate, compassionate and innovative. He knows how to connect with even the strangest person, whether it be by words or music. He is a shy person, little do you know, however he knows how to acquaint, but only keeps certain people close. He's private, keeping every small detail to himself. Locked away in a box to feign indifference.  
Unfortunately, that often feeds into developing rage and resentment.  
He's terribly stubborn and temperamental, wields a sardonic sense of humor and sarcasm, and is a bit of an extremist when need be. He has a temper that frightens even me, yet has a great amount of self-control.  
He can be a little arrogant at times while lacking self-confidence. Not known to give many rats' asses sometimes while taking the world's problems on his shoulders. Notorious for being habitually scatter-brained, but quite competent. Pretty laidback, even at the wrong times.

To describe him in limited terms, as difficult as it may be to locate them: contradictory.  
That's my Koki in a nutshell. See? A textbook Aquarius. I'm surprised people haven't suspected it.

"Did you know that your parents were not married when you were born?"

"What?" Koki mumbles slowly, looking at me and frowning slightly.

"You're in their wedding photo." Luckily I brought that along. I show him; there we are, I'm holding him as he's chewing on his toy while staring into the lenses, a hand pulling Nani's hair. Sensei and Erika beside us, young and happy.

We take a moment in silence.

"So, anyway," I say, leaning back on my hands, "when I first held you that night you were born, you had these huge, beautiful grey eyes with a little hint of green, too. They just shot straight to my heart." Koki stares at me, smirking at my dramatic story-telling. "You loved when I held you and always wanted to sit in my lap. I always sang to you every night so you'd have good dreams."

"You did?"

"Mm-hm." I'm still smiling like it's planted on my face. "By the time you were seven months, you were walking and talking and rolling around. I took it upon myself to be the one to teach you because your father was always so busy. Potty-training, though, took a little longer. You were in diapers until you were..." I think long and hard. "I think 4."

Koki's face reddens. He scratches the back of his head. "Damn." he recoils. "I mean, dang."

"Nothing to be ashamed of." I say. "Everyone's different."

Koki looks away, face still colored. "You took care of everything then, huh?"

"Yeah." I say. "I felt it was the least I could do for Sensei. For you."

"How old were you?"

"When you were born, seven, I think."

"_Whoa...!"_ Koki is genuinely amazed. He blinks at me in utter astonishment. "You really are great, Okaa!"

I braid my hair in a loose twist. I'm getting kind of flustered. I think my face is matching my hair. "Thank you, honey." I say. "Did you know that you actually gave yourself your nickname?"

"I did?"

I nod. "I was trying to teach you how to say your name. Kakashi is a pretty hard name for a baby, so all you could manage to say was Koki."

He keeps looking on at me, waiting for a continuation of the story. "How did you become Okaa?"

"Oh, you just one day called me that. I tried to clarify that I was your aunt and not your real mom at first. But, you were stubborn and kept on doing it. So, that's how it all began."

I cross my arms to think of which story to tell first. It's hard to organize a story when there's so many chapters, y'know? Koki scoots closer to me, crossing his legs to a pretzel. "Let's see, you almost drowned at three. I had to give you CPR. That was also around the time you picked up piano. Oh, my God, Koki," I turn to him, "you had the cutest little laugh. You would play for hours and just crack yourself up."

That adorable crinkle by his nose forms. "Why would I do that?"

"'cause you're goofy." I say, poking him in the ribs. He jolts and moves away from me briefly. Still a ticklish mess. I open my arms and he crawls in them, his head against my chest. We stare out at the lake for a moment. It dawns on me that I should say probably one of the hardest things of my life. A question that coils suffocating knots in my chest. A question that could potentially crush my world a second time, though it must be done.

"I understand if you can't forgive me for leaving you with Erika." He wraps his hand in my hair and holds it to his face, closing his eyes. I smooth away his bangs, letting the sun hit his unblemished forehead and adorn his features. The slightly slick shape of his huge eyes; a signature trait from his mother's side. Rain-men always have cheeky eyes. "And I understand if you would like to forget again. This must be very painful."

Koki looks at me, unreadable eyes darting into mine. I have a barrier ready. The same barrier I used years ago. If I have to let him go again for his sake, I will. A mother, considering I'm eligible for such a title, should never be selfish. Always protecting her baby, even from herself. "We could go back to the way it was before you got your memory back. It'll all be-" He looks at it in my palm, the hand that is stroking his hair. To my surprise, he takes it in his hands and holds it to his stomach. Immobilizing it. "...easier on you."

"No." He puts his head on my chest again.

I chuckle, "Just no?"

"No." he repeats, then eyes me with those huge-ass eyes that used to freak the crap out of me. I've grown to love them, of course, but they're just so big!

I smile at him to fend off tears. With my other hand, I keep rubbing his head the way he likes. "I'm glad. I don't want to forget, either." I admit.

"Never." Koki looks at the barrier, observing it. With a thumb wet with saliva, he smears the ink and disables the barrier.

"Koki...!" I recoil and give him the face he gives me whenever I lick a finger to clean his face or something. The countenance consisting of disgust, displeasure, and childish sulking. I mock his whining voice, "That's so gross...!"

He laughs at me with that adorable gap-toothed, dimpled smile. He mocks my nagging voice, "Well, I'm not letting you draw on yourself anymore."

"Oh, you think that's funny?!" I playfully chid and push my face close to his neck and ear. He covers his neck with his shoulder and is overcome by anticipative laughter. One of his legs scrunch up close to his body.

"Okaa, no..." he whines, adding syllables to the words. He lets go of my hand. I laugh and lay back on the tree stump. "Is this what you meant when you said things would be better after my surgery?"

I nod. "I didn't expect a seizure to break the barrier, though. I thought I would have to remove it myself." I gaze out at the lake. "You may not even need that surgery, after all."

He slouches. "Even after that dumb blood test and all those other tests."

"Better safe than sorry." I say. "I'll schedule an appointment with Dr. Kino. I know he'll be happy to see that you're doing better."

"Eh, maybe." Koki shrugs. "Okaa," he perks up, face brightened, "if we have nothing to do later, can we visit Dad?"

Since Sensei died years back, not once has Koki visited his grave. Or his shrine at the Hatake main house - the one they put in as a reminder of the shame casted upon the family. I don't recall any of them even calling me about Koki. Not a single call or letter of concern. I thought such a small family would care a little more.  
I give him a small smile and then nod. "Sure. Why not?" I rub his arms when a slightly cold breeze flows on by. "He will be happy to see you."

"And...Erika, too?"

Oh. That one was totally unexpected. Koki never hated his mother, even after all she's put him through. Geez, should I say yes? I hate making him upset. But I know how he gets when he remembers what happened between him and his mother. "I don't-" I pause for a moment. "I'll...think about it."

Koki nods and looks back at the water. Don't get me wrong; as much as I'd love to say yes to that automatically, I worry. I worry he won't like what he feels when he sets his eyes on that grave. Memories are tricky things like that. Koki lays his head back on my collarbone and closes his eyes.

"You okay?" I ask, shaking him once to get his attention. "I know this is a lot for one day, so we'll pick this up another time."

Koki nods. Then he frowns a little in an injured way like he's been slapped across the face. That beaten dog look. "I just need to know one more thing."

"What?" I tilt my head. A habit I learned from him.

"Why?" he mutters.

Even though, I was there every second of his infant life and on, I don't have the answer.

**-a week later-  
**

Koki's a face-sleeper, as I like to call it. He sleeps on his stomach with one arm under the pillow and one leg up. An odd position, but that's the way he's been since birth. If not that, he sleeps scrunched up like a shrimp on his side. He hates any other position, unless he's super tired. I checked on him about three hours ago and put a blanket on him. He was making this strange groaning sound that I perceived to be some form of snoring. But, no.

It's around midnight when I hear one of the scariest things in my life. The most frightening. My heart comes to a halt when I trace the sound to Koki's room.


	19. Ch 19: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

IT HITS ME HARD THAT I'M NOT TRAPPED IN SOME horrible nightmare. I'm not at sleep's mercy, unable to be spared in waking. I want to wake up when I'm asleep, and I want to sleep when I'm awake. Why is it that, in the midst of a night terror, I beg God to wake me up, only to then beg him for freedom from this cruel world? How could fear cloud decision, even in all my years as a shinobi?

I'm yanked back to a thinning world with darkness surrounding every corner. There's a fist ramming through the bone in my chest, and it's only getting bigger. Spreading like poison. I sit upright quickly, but it does little justice.

If anything, it only gets worse. I'm coughing, choking, suffocating.  
It seems like hours of this. My body cringes harshly, every muscle contracts in dire need of oxygen that is so far-fetched. It burns.

Okaa hurries in with this look of immense panic and worry. I look at her to try and tell her I'm okay and am probably just getting sick. But I can't.

I feel her take my hand. And when I try to squeeze hers back, ponderous agony grips me whole. I can't...I...can't-...

**(A/N: This is short for a reason, in case it's not obvious. Hahaha, just wanted to make sure no one would think I didn't finish a sentence and left it like that. Please R but please no exploding! XD)**


	20. Ch 20: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

THE HAUNTED LOOK ON KOKI'S FACE LEAVES ME utterly speechless. His eyes are wide with horror, his face is cringing in pain. He's clawing at his collar, clutching his chest, bent over a little. This frightening wheezing noise is escaping his throat, similar to the sound of an asthma attack to a higher extent. Much higher. He coughs and continues to choke on an unseen force.

"Koki?!" I say, holding his hand that rests against his stomach. "Honey, what's wrong?!"

He doesn't seem to hear me. Oh, God, what the hell is happening? I give up on trying to get him to talk to me and snatch his phone on the coffee table beside me. I dial 9-1-1 with clammy fingers and put it between my shoulder and ear.

Oh, God...Koki's body jolts once hard. His body wants to seize, but he's trying not to. But, inevitably, he starts to fall in and out of a receding episode. His hand rakes through his hair in pain, his whimpering the only sound in this vacant house. He arches over further, head touching his knees. Compression isn't good. That's the worst thing you can do.

"_No, no, no, honey_," I stammer, hand on his shoulder to pull him back up, "_honey_, you can't do that, okay?" He continues to wheeze and cough, eyes dimming.

Y'know what, no. Paramedics take too long.  
I hang up and put the phone down on the floor. "C'mon, baby." I slide my hands under his legs first, then on his back. He immediately falls against my chest. His eyes are closed, but the wheezing continues. "C'mon. You're gonna be okay. I promise you."

Koki coughs and holds my shirt tightly. He looks at me as if asking why God is letting this happen. It crushes me. For both his sake and my own, I whisper while putting him in the car and strapping the belt, "I promise, you are going to be okay. Keep praying, okay?"

He loses consciousness right then. But his breathing is still labored and raspy. Concealed. I can hear desolation from a mile away.

_**##**_

The doctors took Koki out of my arms the second we entered the building. Then, again, I WAS screaming for someone to get their ass over. But I needed everything to be done quickly and efficiently. There were instantly a stretcher and nurses and doctors. They ran ECG's, echocardiograms, chest x-rays, and blood tests. That was hours ago. It's excruciating, being here alone in the waiting room, doing just that. Waiting.

My hands are still clammy, my heart still racing. I just got off the phone with Nani. It's around noon over where he is, so it's not like I woke him up. I'm not even going to bother calling Papa. Or Ko. Misery loves company, after all, but no. I know she'll be worried, and I know she has Itachi to take care of. It's not her problem.

I handle these kinds of things better when I have time to compose myself, anyway. It would only make things worse if I started bursting out crying and screaming bloody murder, as tempting as that sounds.

I see the nurses roll Koki from one room to another behind two swinging doors. I stand and am about to rush over when a doctor comes over to me. "Is he okay? What happened?"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid..." His grey eyebrows furrow in thought.

I stare at him, wide-eyed. Waiting again. "What?" I ask. Then harder, "_what_?"

"We..." He clears his throat, glancing at Koki through the window in the door as nurses connect him to another ventilator with a face mask and change his IV. "We suspect the epilepsy is causing neurogenic pulmonary edema, or NPE."

"What?" I freeze. It hits me like a sledgehammer in the chest. "But that'd mean-"

"His heart, however, and pulse are normal, more or less. It is strange, but..." He makes eye contact finally. I've never seen such cold eyes. "He may not have much longer."

No...oh Lord, please no.

"The epilepsy is working like venom, killing him from the inside. With the edema, it's the perfect cocktail for dysfunction."

"Like cancer." I mumble, throat dry. I know the main source is the barrier I implanted. It's what's causing the epilepsy and all the rest.

He nods. "This is a very, very rare and strange case. It seems to have affected his legs already. There is a 5% chance the paralysis will be temporary. But it's only 5%." He frowns and cross his arms. "If it progresses any further at this rate, I'm afraid Kakashi will not-"

"How much longer?"

"Excuse me?"

"HOW much longer does my baby have?"

"It's..hard to say, exactly. At the condition he's in now, who knows? It could be now or later." I choke on my own breath. "I estimate it to be around a few weeks. Maybe a little over a month."

I take a moment, staring at my child. The founding part of my world in these past thirteen years. The child I had taken in as my own, the baby that I raised because no one would. My biggest achievement so far who's suffered my biggest mistake, perhaps.

"Ma'am, please, you have to accept this." Dr. Jack-Ass says. "I'm sorry for speaking out of turn, but, please. It's easier to accept-"

"I don't want easy." I frown. An idea blooms in my head. A sinister, twisted, maybe even psychopathic idea. I need to call her in. I pluck out that embroidered card for Dr. Kino. And tear it in half.

_**##**_

I almost lost you a handful of times during your early childhood. You were always so full of mischief and enjoyed making me worry. You probably thought it was a game; you'd hide and I'd lose my mind trying to find you.

I remember you disappeared while I was making us lunch and preparing Erika's medication. My back was turned when you asked me to sing for you to listen. You always pretended like your purple hippo toy was singing to me, with my own voice. You'd laugh so carefree and pure.

I looked back at you when the room fell silent, despite my voice, to see an empty high-chair. You almost gave me a heart attack! I ran out to the backyard, screaming your name. I turned the neighborhood upside down, built emergency bonfires.

I finally found you - of course, by the color of your hair - in the middle of Erika's dying garden. You were filthy with mud and crushed bugs. I grabbed you in a tight hug like always and scolded you for going outside without me. You were only three.

You just smiled impishly and held out your stained hand. In your tiny palm was a pure citrine stone. Its amber color shimmered in the July sun. I was astonished that something that beautiful could be found in such a dilapidated garden. You smiled bigger with your gap teeth and muddy face and mumbled in the cutest voice, "_hap'berf-dy, Okaa_."  
The wind rustled your cotton-like hair, enhanced your grey-greenish eyes. You didn't care that you were dirty and probably hot. You hurried the stone into my hands.

Warmth overcame me. I was speechless. I knelt down and took you in my arms. I almost forgot it was my birthday. I gave you a kiss and promised you I'd cherish that rock until death.

And I still do. I still wear it as a necklace. I knew then that the most valuable mineral was not always gold. I took your little butt STRAIGHT to the bathtub afterwards. You just stared at me when I adjusted the heat and put bubbles in. You gave me loads of excuses as to why a bath was not a good idea, ignoring the filth that caked you.

"It's too hot." you said, matter-of-factly.

I put my hands on my hips and looked amused at you. "It's warm, Koki. I just checked."

After a while, your big eyes rolled up to me. A hand rubbing your elbow in a nervous way. "...It's too cold."

"Didn't you just say it was hot?" I tested.

You thought of another excuse. "It's too deep."

I had to first catch you from running out the house, then wrestle your clothes off, and throw you in the tub. As always, you fought me more, and then pouted when I started applying shampoo on your scalp. You crossed your arms and looked away with this cute stubborn scowl.  
Yes, even then, you had an attitude.

But you knew, I concluded, that we were sealed in an indispensable bond that would never be broken. That was the moment I knew you really did love me the way I love you.

Which is the sole reason I am making yet another risky decision. My last hope for my chance at sanity. Things just got right between us. And they're going to stay right. Permanently.


	21. Ch 21: Kakashi

**Hello! Sorry for not updating for the last two months. Its been hectic with school and just getting my summer started. Anyway, where we left off, for those of you waiting, Kakashi woke up in the middle of the night unable to breathe and Kushina took him to the E.R. The doctor tells her that Kakashi may not have much longer to live - like, about 2 months or so. Kushina then decides to make another huge decision to save her nephew and make things right permanently. Okay, on we go!**

_**KAKASHI**_

FIRE ALWAYS CONSUMES ITSELF. IT GROWS AND branches out in torrents. It strikes fear in its victims, steals their courage, crushes their hope. It engulfs vast valleys and lengthy lands. It will bury everything in its path with sheets of soot and ash, allowing time to do its worst.

Like cancer.

Once it is ignited, there's really no way to stop it. Sure, you can try to extinguish it, but is water guaranteed in that dire situation? You could stomp it out, but what if you go ablaze? Fire screws you up like that.

It's a constant battle of what-ifs and blind hope in getting out of that dilemma, snatching whatever opportunity God throws at you. You take what you're given. "Beggars can't be choosers," Dad once said. Seems to fit my condition now.

I'm hooked up to all these machines and crap. There's this annoying beeping to my right and it's making my head throb more. Jesus...feels like a garbage truck is parked on top of me.

I see Okaa and Master Jiraiya here. Wonder why he's here. Okaa's head is down and I can hear her sobbing. His hands are placed on her shoulders.

When I try to call to her, I am silenced by the face mask. There's a sting in my side, when I slowly lift the blanket up on my left, I see a tube. The hell...?

Every time I blink, I feel sleep weighing my eyelids down harder and harder. But I can't sleep until I let her know I'm okay. I push my body harder to touch her. My hand rattles like I have a muscle spasm, but I manage to just barely brush my fingertip against her arm.

She looks up quickly, tears pouring out her eyes. "Koki?" She gathers closer to my body, catching my dead hand. Sorrow, desperation in her wet eyes. "Honey, I'm so sorry! This is all my fault!" She holds my IV-ed hand to her soft face.

I try to answer - all that comes out is a low moan. My mouth doesn't feel like mine. I close my eyes for a bit when they start drying up. Jiraiya comforts her by saying, "See, Shina? He's fighting this for you."

I open my eyes briefly to see her still sobbing hard. Her voice fades as I lose consciousness again. "It's going to be okay, baby. It's okay." Her voice hisses to a crying whisper, "...It's okay..."

_"It's okay...It's okay to let go..."_

I open my eyes to see Okaa gone and a young, smiling nurse by my side. Jiraiya is asleep in the corner in one of the reclining chairs. I look at him first, then back at her. The warming smile widens and the white light in the background hardens. I squint.

_"...It must hurt. You're so strong for making it this far..."_

Am I?

She touches my arm. A wave of relief and peace washes over me. I can't feel the agony in my brain anymore. My body isn't stiff as hell. I all of the sudden have this overwhelming compulsion to cry.

_"...Your Ani and Okaa love you, and they know you love them. It's okay to set yourself free..."_

Huh? Wait, what? I frown slightly at her as everything begins to brighten with the blinding white light. There's this incessant screeching noise to my right.

_"...Just let go, my dear. Take my hand, Kakashi..."_

My heart nearly stops. Suddenly, I'm fully awake. I shake my head and take my arm back slowly. But she draws nearer, insisting on me coming with her to wherever.

_"...You're done here. There's nothing left for you. Take my hand..."_

I start to hyperventilate and cover my face with my hands to block visual contact. I'm trying to tell her no, but there's all this stuff connected to me. The face mask mutes me. The pain comes back after a while.

I'm sitting up and holding my head when Jiraiya comes running to me. He runs completely through the nurse's body, dispersing her into white mist. I'm taken aback by that and am sent further into hyperventilation.

I feel my aura wanting to bind me. I'm falling in and out, like a flickering light. I arch over in pain. When he touches my arm, I snatch and clutch onto his wrist. Holding it hard enough to make my hand shake. Jiraiya glances at my heart monitor as it screeches to dramatize my panic.

He says, directly, "Kakashi, look at me." He puts a hand on my shoulder and pulls me up. "Look at me!"

I'm still wheezing and coughing and half-seizing, but I do. Feels like my eyes are popping out of my head. "Mas...ter...?"

"Just calm down." His brows arch worriedly. "Breathe slow. In." He watches my inhale meticulously. "Out." I do and he relaxes a bit. "Keep it steady."

"O..." I wheeze, then keep trying to breathe normally. My voice is a raspy whisper. "...kay..."

"Don't talk." Master puts a hand on my head for a moment, then sits beside me. I swallow phlegm and close my eyes. "Nightmare?"

I nod. He goes on to say something, but I can't hear him. I want Okaa, so I'm looking for her. He reads my face and calls her in.

Okaa hurries in and holds my hand gently. "Hi baby." She smiles at me. Her eyes are still puffy. I try to smile at her through my lethargic state, but I think that just makes it worse. She bites her lip to hold back tears before looking down for a moment to will them away. "How do you feel?"

I shrug slowly.

"Pain?"

I nod. The pain never goes away - it just waits for the right moment to strike harder. And that's what I'm doing. Waiting.

Her thumb runs over my hand. Master whispers to her, "He had a nightmare. Started panicking like crazy. I assumed he would want you here."

"Thanks for watching him, Papa." Okaa kisses his cheek. "Go rest. I'll be here." Master goes out the room and disappears around the corner. It's so bright in here. I hate hospital lights. I glance at the window in the far distance next to the receptionist's desk. It's around dusk. Probably around four or five.

I try to hold Okaa's hand back, but I flinch when I feel the IV digging into my hand. Sends chills through my body. Okaa gasps in response to my reaction. "Pumpkin," she calls me to spare me from another panic attack. I look at her. She smoothes my hair. "You're okay."

I manage to mutter to her, "Bathroom." Okaa blinks at me, then nods and looks around. She mouths an okay and stands. I sit up straighter. Something...feels off. It's probably the drugs.

Okaa lifts my legs off the side of the bed after pulling the blankets off. She gathers the breathing machine and the IV drip to my side. "C'mon, baby. Ready?" Her hands are on my sides to help me up.

When I go to stand, though, and take that first step, I collapse. Okaa catches me before I could bash my head into the tile. But it dawns on me that I can't walk.

I...can't walk...


	22. Ch 22: Jiraiya

_**JIRAIYA**_

I SENT SHINA TO THE CAFETERIA AROUND EIGHT THIS morning. I sent her away because I couldn't find the words to say. Again. I couldn't find anything else to do but hold her, tell her that everything's going to turn out fine. And I lied to her. I'm starting to subconsciously doubt that Kakashi can get past this, even though I know he's got more strength than we think. He's stubborn, but he's just a kid.

He's got two months.

I don't know. Maybe it's my own stupidity that's making me think this way. After Obito and Rin's deaths, I couldn't comfort my own son. I can't even comfort my daughter in the way she needs. I'm not sure I know what to do anymore. He's Mo's squirt and Shina's pumpkin, and he's hanging on by a thread. And all I can do is sit here. Fade away from my family and hide on lengthy missions. I'm a fool, I know, for thinking these problems are avoidable. It's my fault for not being a good father to my children.

Now as the gloomy hospital atmosphere becomes harder to resist, I bury my face in my hands and pray.

This is ridiculous. I don't even know what's going on. The boy can't walk and now he's dying? How do things like this happen to kids? That's the thing; he's just a kid and he's causing uproars. Shina's doing all she can to keep his spirits up, but her efforts seem futile. He's not even talking, again, like when he first moved in with her.

...

Kakashi can't slip away. He just can't. If he does, I might never be able to forgive him. It wouldn't the first time he's crushed my children's worlds.


	23. Ch 23: Kurenai

_**KURENAI**_

CINDERBRIM STREET IS SUCH A FUNNY LITTLE PLACE. Neighbors are loud and noisy. People are friendly and trusting. You can leave your doors unlocked all night. Not saying it's smart, though.

I was on my way home from Asuma's, so I decided to drop in. We haven't seen Kakashi in a long time. It felt right that I see how he is. I was expecting loads of jack-ass-ery. But I was greeted instead by a halting sight.

I had no idea he was dispatched from the hospital less than a week ago. He looks...sick. Unwell. Cancerous. He's lost so much weight, but not in a good way. His muscles are being eaten away and he's shrinking by the minute. This isn't our Kakashi; this feeble, silent person isn't our favorite jerk.

I don't know what to say. What can I say? I hope you're doing well, when his skin is borderline grey with illness? We hope to see you soon, as he's bedridden?

He didn't say anything about the way he looks or what's going on with him. Neither did Kushina. And I felt I shouldn't ask. Spending time with him is what I'm here to do. I shouldn't intrude on their business.

We're in the living room - his room - while Kushina is cooking dinner for the two of them. She asked me to stay, but I know Daddy will freak out if I'm not home soon. We have relatives coming over. Kakashi and I are silent while staring at the TV. He hasn't moved from the couch at all. He has a steaming cup of egg drop soup in his lap. I glance at him; his slit, tired eyes, his pale skin, the breathing tubes under his nose. The wheelchair in the corner.

Like a saving grace, he, in a raspy, almost unrecognizable voice and no eye contact, says, "You tell anyone about this, and I'll have your ass." His droopy eyes dart to me from the side and he smirks, the way that makes Shizune blush. I have to admit, it gets me a little, too.

I smile back and nod, "Yeah, whatever, dork." Shizune's right; he really does look like a Furby with those eyes and that hair. Hah! Someday, we're going to prove it to him.

I left about half an hour later. I wished him the best and said I'd pray for him. He nodded slowly, in this hopeless manner. Like he's giving up. When I hugged him, it wasn't even like I was hugging Kakashi Hatake anymore. He was so fragile in my arms.

Kushina thanked me for stopping by, said it meant a lot to her nephew, though he may not show it. I promised to keep my visit between the three of us. If Kakashi wants to tell people about what's going on, then he will.

I will keep my promise, as always, and pray for his health until the day I see him back to the him we all know.


	24. Ch 24: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

I HAVE TO GIVE KOKI HIS MEDICINE EVERY SIX HOURS and then check his ventilator's tubes whenever I can. He needs to eat a light diet that's easy on the stomach. I have to make sure he's sitting up for proper respiration.

I pretty much spent the entire day there beside him, tending to his every need and want. Right now, he's fast asleep, head against the cushion of the couch, blanket in his lap. I put another sheet over his shoulders and kiss his hair.

I take one last look at him, at his tube, before heading out to talk to Papa in the dining room. I turn the TV on low and leave the door wide open so I can hear his every move, every breath.

I plop wearily down in front of Papa at the table, cups of coffee before us. I haven't seen him since a day before Koki was released two weeks ago. You'd think he would at least drop by once to see how Koki was doing. But, no. Not a phone call or ringing bell.

"I've been busy." he says when I ask.

"Too busy? Right." I rub my eyes and brush my bangs out of my face. "I'm sorry. I'm just tired."

"He's a handful, huh?"

"Of course." I blink. "He can't walk, can't lie down. Plus his medicine schedule is strict as hell."

Papa scratches his white hair. He looks irritable, like he doesn't want to be here. I mean, the door's right there. I'm not holding him hostage. "Yeah."

"It's been two weeks." Two weeks since the doctor told me my baby was...breaking down. Weeks count - every single day counts. I blink back tears.

"You can't count every day, Shina." Papa explains. "Only makes it harder on yourself."

"I don't want to lose count and let the time pass by in a second."

"You're slowing down the process."

"I know."

"You're hurting yourself." He sniffs and then looks down at his coffee. Frowning at the brown liquid as it steams. "I'm proud of you, though."

I look at him. "For?"

"Staying this strong for him." A crease forms on his brow. "Even after what you had to do for his sake."

"Papa, don't be bitter." I say, directly. "It was for the best. I had no idea the barrier would cause this" I look at my cup and stir. The heat travels up the metal spoon and bites my fingers, but I barely notice. "Did you even say hi to him?"

"Nope." Papa answers simply, like this isn't a big deal.

I give him an annoyed face. We sit there, me grimacing at him while he just blankly stares back at me. He shrugs. I check the time on the microwave behind me and stand up. "Well, sit here and brood all you want. I need to give him his medicine."

Papa rolls his eyes at me and stands to follow me to Koki's room. Right when I'm entering the room, I see my baby using weak, trembling hands and arms to try and stand up. His legs are so thin now...

They quiver more violently than his arms and jerk when giving out.

"_Whoa, whoa, whoa...!"_ I rush in and slide on my knees to catch him an unintended hug as he fell. He is sweating and breathing hard. I can feel his damp forehead on my neck as he drops his head. "What are you doing?" I gently scold. He doesn't answer me.

I gather his legs and pick him up bridal style and place him back on the couch. I snatch him by the shoulders, earning two wide eyes to stare at me. "_No_! If you want to stand, you tell me, Kakashi." Poor thing. I know he's sick of being so dependent on me. He's trying to function on his own again. "I know you're irritated, but remember what the doctor said. No. Pushing. _Do you understand me_?" My tone is making this seem more like a lecture than a request for caution. Maybe it's both.

I shake him a bit to regain eye contact. "I said, don't push it. You could've hurt yourself! Understand?"

His eyes slip back down as he mumbles a submissive and quiet "Yes, Okaa."

Papa, though, isn't all that impressed. He's standing over us with this disdainful frown on his face. I'm sitting on my heels as I'm fixing his pillows and blankets and checking his machine. "Really?" he says, annoyed. Koki flinches hard at his voice, at the bitter tone he uses. "You're trying this now?"

I pay him no heed, still tending to Koki's needs. "Papa, stop-"

"You've had all the time in the word to fight. You've had almost five years with us to fight for yourself, for others."

I tuck Koki in and speak sharper now, not even looking at him, "Dad, this isn't the time." Koki's trembling, so I hold his hand. Those big eyes rush to me immediately. "Honey, don't listen to him." But despite my words, his eyes begin to fill up and he looks away from me, frowning.

Papa's not done with him, though. "Stop resisting. Now all you can do is sit back and let Kushina take charge. You like hiding behind her anyway. You lost your chance, evidently."

"He didn't lose his chance at anything. Stop." I order, through my teeth, glancing at him. I go back to my baby. "Koki, please," I hand him his soup, "keep eating. You're gonna be okay. Papa's just grumpy right now." He looks back up at me, then at the food, and drops his head again. "Koki..." I beg him.

"Oh," Dad snorts unconvinced, "so now you're crying. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

Koki's eyes slam shut. Stop feeling sorry for yourself? That's not even it. I know Koki. He's not one to pity himself. "Leave. Him. Alone. He's not this weak person you perceive him to be."

"Really, Kushina?" Dad gestures violently at Koki, who recoils. "He would have fallen and busted his head, had you not come in time! He's obviously hopeless!"

My voice rises. "You don't know that. Don't come into _my_ house and try to control a situation you know nothing about!" Koki squeezes me hand with minimal strength.

Dad crosses the line. "I know it's suicide."

I turn full on to him now, still holding Koki's bony hand. My hair rises with my voice. Koki doesn't like all the yelling, his shoulders are hiking up and he's starting to shrink. "He was trying to stand on his own! What's wrong with trying?!"

"I just said it. It's suicide!"

"He's not going to lay there and waste away; something you've always done!"

"It's not suicide." Koki's voice is raspy and a mere whisper. His eyes are downcast and still teary. That shuts us up. Papa and I stare at him for the longest time. He doesn't make eye contact; this mismatching eyes shift to the side, away from us. He still has a slight frown on his brow. He's not squeezing my hand and shakes his head a little.

"It's not suicide..." he tries again, "...if you're _already_ dying."

##

Papa left an hour ago. I told him if he's going to screw with Koki and screw with me and my efforts to keep him alive, then he's no longer welcome. I'm carrying Koki in my arms all wrapped in a towel. He's so light. I just gave him a bath. He hasn't spoken a word to me, but he still threw a small fit when I bathed him. He's squeamish about that stuff.

"Alright, baby," I say, placing him on the couch, "hang on." I go to his drawers and fetch some clothes. He's stuck in a blank stupor, staring ahead without cease. "How about this one?" I hold up one of his favorite shirts. Nani's hand-me-down. It's baggy on him, like a dress, but he loves the thing. It's got a tear in the collar, but he doesn't care. When I look back at him for an answer, hoping for a smile, he doesn't move. Maybe bringing up the subject of Nani isn't a good idea. He's been on a mission for months; Koki's been missing his Ani so badly lately.

With the shirt, I collect some boxers and pants and close the drawers. I hope he'll find solace in his Ani's scent. It never fails.

"How was the soup?" I ask. "Good?"

I put his clothes on the coffee table. "I hope so. I didn't put as much salt as you like, but hey, why not cut back? It's better for you that way." I take the towel from his body and start drying him off.

"I don't want to hear you say that ever again." I order. I'm serious. No way in hell I'm letting him go. And he isn't allowed to. "That talk is forbidden in my house. Alright?"

He looks down.

"You're doing better everyday, right?" I ask, not expecting an answer. So, I lift his arm to dry his torso.

He doesn't hide his body from me this time. He doesn't flinch when I scrub the towel down his sides. He breaks his stare and drops his head. "Try to forget what Papa said earlier." I tell him. "He doesn't have a damn clue what he's talking about."

Koki blinks lethargically. He absentmindedly rubs his elbow, the one he dislocated on that long mission. I see his jaw clench. I lift his tube gently and dry his chest. A frown hardens on his brow. Suddenly, as I'm drying his neck, he rips the tube from his face and holds it in a fist so hard I fear he might crush it. He's fed up with all this already, I know.

But no tube means he can't breathe. "Koki." I warn in a weak voice. I take the tube and put it back on. The frown slowly fades; he brings a hand up to adjust it. "You can't do that." I say. "I know it's irritating, but you just can't. Please."

This reminds me of our first months together. He was a mute and I had to talk to him. One-sided conversations that drew us closer and closer everyday.

I run the damp towel down his lifeless legs. "I want you to keep fighting. Never stop, okay?" I know it's a lot to ask. Maybe it's selfish, but I know he won't give up if someone believes in him. "I'm so proud of you. Look how well you're doing so far." I smile softly at him. "You should be proud, too, pumpkin."

His eyes roll up at me for a moment, then drop. My smile falls and I go back to work and make sure to dry each of his toes. He usually doesn't like stuff being in-between his big and first toes. It's uncomfortable and drives him nuts. I remember when they were eleven, Guy stuck a few pencils in that area when Koki was sleeping, and he ended up getting kicked in the face. Now, he doesn't even flinch.

To break the silence between us, I say, sounding smaller, "We can do this, right?" Koki blinks at me, same blank expression. "I think so. Your Ani thinks so, too." I know how he adores his Ani. Warms my heart. "You'll see; things are going to be okay soon. I promise. Next thing you know, you'll be up and about again. And Ani will be home, and we'll do all the fun stuff we usually do. We'll even drive out along the-"

As I'm talking and drying, I see Koki's body begin to rise and fall in a certain pace in my peripheral. I look up at him to see his about-to-cry face. A worried frown, no eye contact, watery and red eyes. His breathing becomes labored.

I have to keep him positive and confident to get through this. I put a hand on his knee. "I won't let anything happen to you, okay?" Tears are forming in my eyes now.

He wipes his eyes swiftly, but it makes no difference. I go on, "You trust me, right? I know you'll be okay, but you need to know that, too."

Koki is selectively listening, though. I rub his knee, then remember he can't even feel it. I cringe. "Koki-honey-"

He snatches my shirt and pulls me forward to stand. I do and he wraps his arms around me, face in my chest. With a struggling inhale, he breaks into silent sobs. His clammy hands squeeze the fabric of my shirt harder. Koki's not one to break down weeping at random times. Yes, he sheds a few tears every now and then when we fight bad or when he's irritated. He always keeps stuff to himself, tries to wear a strong face even when he's feeling weak. But he never does this that often.

The last time he broke down in uncontrollable crying was when he had that nightmare of me dying during that mission in the forest.

I hug him closer, if possible. His face and breath is hot; I can feel it through my shirt. I scratch the back of his head the way he likes and whisper in his ear, "I know, baby." I hear his voice for a moment as he lets out another series of sobs. "I know. Let it out. It's okay."

I kiss and put my chin in his hair, letting my tears fall. The surgery date can only come so fast. Two months comes around the corner when you forget what it unfolds. I can't forget that my baby might not survive this. I'm killing the one thing I thought I could control.

Our constant prayers start working, though, the following week. Nani comes home briefly for about a day or two. I'm preparing lunch and getting Koki's medication ready when he drags his ventilator in, exhaustively, and sits at the table in front of Nani, greeting him with a weary version of his usual smirk that remained hidden for the longest time.

I just...I can't believe it! Our baby just walked! Koki just walked in here, carrying his machine, and sat at the table. Thank you, Jesus. I rush over, tears in my eyes and hug him. He returns it with a hand on my arm. He's already exhausted from the long journey, but that's expected. Nani's eyes soften, and I can see water forming in his blue irises. He smiles at his student and nods, proudly.

And that's enough for him. Koki is just happy to have both his Ani and Okaa here for this moment.

It all has to go uphill from here. It has to. Koki's that surviving, functioning 5% the doctor was talking about.

But...

But I fear I might have used up my last miracle.


	25. Ch 25: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

OKAA BOUGHT ME A SEIZURE DOG.

Not...sure how to feel about it, though. It's just a useless hotdog...dog. His name's Grumpy. Okaa had him outside so that his fur wouldn't affect my breathing. Ani just shook his head at her. That makes two of us that aren't all that fond of small dogs. They're always the worst in barking and behaving. Better than nothing, I guess.

Okaa worries like crazy now. After she saw my breakdown weeks ago, she's been making sure I'm happy - or at least somewhat content - before anything. She doesn't like when I cry. She really didn't like what I said to Master when he came over. I feel bad for saying it in front of her. Maybe it was an act of desperation for the fighting to stop. Maybe it was out of defense. Panic-mode.

It was true, though. I don't know if I'm still dying or not, but I know that whatever's in me is still in me. When it's going to strike again, I don't know. It's just a matter of waiting.

I finally got rid of that damn machine and the wheelchair. I feel pretty good, actually, like nothing was ever wrong with me. It's weird. Haven't seen the doctor yet. He can't say anything now; I just made an awesome recovery.

But today, weeks later, I feel like complete crap when my girlfriend texts me the four words every guy in a relationship fear: we need to talk.

I had to borderline beg Okaa to let me out of the house. I haven't gone to school since...jeez, it's been a long time. She doesn't want me out of her sight for too long. I haven't been to school since... Dang, it's been ages. Hey, I'm not complaining, though.

After about an hour of begging - and trust me, that took a lot out of me; Kakashi Hatake never begs - to get her to say she would think about it. She called Ms. Mikoto to come over while she was at the market to look after me. Embarrassing enough. I'm almost fourteen. That was a while ago. I saw a window of opportunity to escape, so I did.

I shouldn't be out longer than a few minutes.

I ran all the way to the main square where she wanted to meet in a half hour. We've been dating for a handful of months now, and I know when she wants to seriously talk to me. If she wants to, say, signal me in for a make-out session, she'd text me two words: I'm horny. Most of the time, I don't even want to. I mean, c'mon. We're still so young. I know, I shouldn't be responding to that like a dog being told to come, but I'm not looking to start a fight with her.

Being the submissive one is easiest sometimes. Kind of kills my man's pride, though.

Anko's standing there on the sidewalk on Bridge Oak St., right there in the sunlight that has remained a ghost for so long. Cold air bites her pale skin, darkens her purple hair. She's wearing a beige wool coat with leggings and high boots. She's wearing her hair down, for once. Damn. Whatever it is we need to talk about, I'll gladly take the fall.

I'm stuck standing here staring at her for, like, five minutes. She looks up from her phone and at me. Her expression is incomprehensible. I'm about to greet her properly and apologize for staring when she says, "You're epileptic?"

Shit. My shoulders drop. I knew this day would come. I just wished it would under better circumstances where I'm the one to tell her and the others straight up. "This isn't how I wanted to tell you." I say, voice low.

Anko frowns and shakes her head, like I'm trying to get her back after cheating. She makes a disapproving sound and turns her back, looking out towards the street.

"Anko, please," I hurry over to her and take her hand, "I'm sorry."

"No, _I'm_ sorry." Well, you don't sound so apologetic. She takes her hand back while spewing that crap. I stare at her like an idiot. "You're out there seizing and you don't even tell me?"

That's a conversation that would've been so awkward: hey babe, so I'm a seizing mess and I'm dying, but I'm perfectly fine right now, though. Yeah, no. "I'm sorry." That's all I can think of saying.

Anko looks closely at me, studying my face, my posture. She sighs and rolls her eyes. "Kakashi," she says, sounding rehearsed, "as you are, I can't date you."

Ah, damn. I freeze, and not because of the frigid air. "...What?"

"I just...can't have a boyfriend who could be gone one day." she admits. "And I won't be a patient's side-nurse."

"You don't have to be." I hurry to say. "No one's asking you to do anything." I swallow. "Is this why you haven't been returning my calls?" I haven't seen her since the market. So, like, a month, I think. It makes sense. She's probably been thinking long and hard. I wonder who told her.

It wouldn't be Kurenai. She never breaks a promise - like, that's her thing. Plus, we didn't even tell her that much about my situation. Maybe it was some onlookers working in ICU.

Doesn't matter.

"It's not just about you." Anko looks me in the eye, and it crushes me. I see disdain, disgust, and beyond those, distraught. It's at this moment I fathom that she...isn't here to support me. She isn't filling the role I anticipated after the truth was out.

"I know it's not!" I say, losing my cool. This girl makes me all crazy. Makes me a punk. "All I'm asking for is for you to understand."

"Kakashi-"

"I need you to understand." I sound like I'm begging. Might as well be - I've sunk so low. "Please. This is hard enough as it is." I admit, holding her by the arms.

"Kakashi," she sighs, pushing me away, "I just can't."

"Anko-"

"I can't, okay?!" Anko shouts, silencing me. She looks down and away. I try to touch her hand, but she backs up. I want to say something to her, tell her how I feel, how much I need her right now. But my words stay clogged up in my throat. Her eyes trail up to mine, sharply. "It's over, Kakashi."

All of the sudden, I can't breathe. I can't move. I can't think of the words to say. My innards squeeze and churn. I have so much I want to get off my chest, but no idea how to get it out. This is why I never told anyone. No one wants to take care of someone like me. But I need her to understand or at least try to. I love her. "Wait, don't-"

She turns and starts walking away from me. The back of her head has never looked so sinister. She goes on through the street after checking for cars. "Anko." Her name is all I can say. Dammit, no. I need her here.

Once she's on the other side, I snap out of my trance and reach towards her. I run across the road, trying to get by her side as soon as possible. "Anko-"

_**"KASHI!"**_

Right then, I look to my right to see the nose of a two-ton truck coming towards me at half-speed. I hear its horn right in my ear.


	26. Ch 26: Kurenai & Shizune

_**KURENAI**_

KAKASHI'S BODY FLEW ABOUT FIFTEEN FEET FROM that truck. The driver was trying to brake; I can see skid marks in the asphalt. He must've seen Kakashi rushing into the street. He had to; it's not hard to spot his silver hair.

I was walking with Shizune from the market on our way to her grandparents' house for lunch when we saw Anko walking across the street and Kakashi go rushing to her. Shizune saw the truck first and she screamed out to him in alarm.

But it was too late.

Kakashi was already in the truck's way. It was going too fast. The wheels must have bad traction. The driver got out of his vehicle and stood right there over his body, petrified.

Shizune's already kneeling beside his body, crying and screaming for help. She's trying to check him for broken bones while this new technique she learned. I run over to them, skinning my knees on the floor. "Oh my God..." My voice trails off.

Shizune has Kakashi's face in her hands, gingerly. She's trying to get him to focus on her and not fall out. His eyes are slit and dull. There's a gash spewing blood down his face from his head. It makes a part of his hair brown.

I look up to see Anko standing there, dumbstruck. She's engulfed in a forming crowd and disappears. "_Hey_!" I call to her. "Call for-"

I realize no one's looking to help. They're just looking. Shizune touches my arm, having already wiped her face. "Kurenai," she says, calmly, "call 9-1-1." I yank out my phone and dial for emergency services.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?"

"_Please_," I panic, "our friend...He just got hit by a truck!"

"Is the driver there?"

Ergh! Does it matter? "Yes, he's here. He's not drunk or anything. Please, just send an ambulance!"

"Help is on the way, sweetie. Is your friend breathing?"

I check Kakashi just in case. His breathing is a hiss, in a way. I can tell he sees Shizune. "Yes, he is."

"Don't touch his body, okay? Just make sure he's breathing."

"O-okay." I breathe slowly to calm myself. I put a hand on Shizune's back. "We got you, Kakashi." I don't know if he can hear me, but I say it anyway. "Shizune," she looks at me, "I'll go find Kushina! She needs to know!" I hand the phone to her.

"Okay, hurry!"

Shizune holds Kakashi's limp, scraped hand to her lips in prayer as I run off towards Cinderbrim, pushing past Anko in the distance.

_**SHIZUNE**_

I look back down at him right when he starts shaking hard. Like, hard enough to lift his torso off the floor...! "K-Kashi?!" I say to the operator, "H-he's...he's shaking!"

"He's shaking? Is he having a seizure?"

"I...I don't- yes, but-"

"Is he epileptic?"

"No, I don't think so!" Is he? "Please, just-"

Right then, I spot the red lights of an ambulance coming through the street. My heart's pounding. I'm still holding his hand, letting whatever happen to him happen. There's no way to stop a seizure once it's started. If he is epileptic, that'd make sense as to why he hasn't been coming out to hang lately. The reason why he was so distant. I think hard about it and pray it's not too late.

Because that's all I know to do


	27. Ch 27: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

THEY SAID HE SEIZED ALL THE WAY TO THE ER. I DO not know if I should be pissed off at him for sneaking out without permission or if I should let it go because of what happened. I want to be - that's what's normal to me. But I am pissed off at him for sneaking out to the worst time in the worst place possible! The paramedics took him to a hospital that's almost two hours from home. I've been driving for only half an hour, going almost thirty miles over the speed limit, and still I have a ways to go to get to Mercy Hospital.

I can barely keep my car steady, my hands are shaking.

To keep myself positive and thinking good things, I start to reminisce about our most recent Thanksgiving. I glance at my phone. It's on the picture I have set for Koki's ID.

It's an old one; a picture Sensei sent to me when I was away before I wiped Koki's memory. Koki's four and smiling all brightly while his small fingers are settled on some piano keys. The keys are way too big for him. Like I always say, those gap-teeth never fail to make me smile. I know it's not good to keep viewing him in this image, but I can't help it.

We've been together since his birth.

I pull in to the parking lot and shut off Nani's car and run fast to the building, wishing for another miracle, ready to offer up my soul for his.

The waiting room's kind of full today. Sad, the lobby of an emergency room should never be full.

I hurry to the desk and ask the receptionist, "Kakashi Hatake. Is he here?"

He types the name in the computer and cocks an eyebrow at me. "Kakashi Hatake?"

"Yes." I nod. "Is he here?"

"I'm sorry, ma'am." What? Dammit, I'm sick of hearing apologies in the ER! "He was transferred to ICU about an hour ago."

"Dammit!" I curse out aloud. People jump with a start and look questionably at me. I ignore them. "Can you show me where that is?"

"Next building. It's right there." He stands and points behind me to a one-story building. There's an ambulance about to pull out. That must be the one he arrived in.

"Thank you." I say to him and run out the door. I know my car is in the ER parking lot, but I don't care at the moment. I'm sprinting towards the double doors, sprinting to Koki. "Please, be okay." I mutter to myself, knowing how dumb it sounds.

I burst through the door and yell from across the room. "Kakashi!" A doctor gets startled and approaches me.

"Are you a relative?"

"Yes! Is he okay?!"

"He's...managing. He was hit by a truck and fell into a seizure. Lasted about five minutes." Oh my God... "No broken bones, though. He's resting right now."

"Is he hurt at all?"

"He received a laceration on his hairline from impact. We put in some stitches, so it's nothing to worry about." Just when I'm about to breathe a sigh of relief, he says, "However, we...it seems his legs are being greatly affected."

Damn. Not this again; back to where we were weeks ago. "He's not paralyzed, I hope."

He shakes his head. "No, but we have found his lungs are...weak. Pulmonary edema. But you probably already knew this."

"Can I see him?" I ask, the words dry in my throat.

He nods and opens the door for me. The hallway is white, cold. Full of nurses and doctors running around. He walks me around two corners and opens the curtain to a room on the left. I hurry in and see my baby there, sleeping hard. His head is wrapped. I thank the doctor and sit next to his body. He looks so fragile, I'm scared to touch him.

Can it be that this boy who strives as a ninja is going to be a vegetable right before my eyes? Can it be that there's something in this world I can't fix?

I start to cry a little as I'm thinking about the times we always played Mercy. Of course, it'd be over something stupid like me trying to get him to behave or take something he said back. As expected, I would end up on top either by natural ability or cheating. I was only exercising my strength so that he could have those previous two seconds on top. Nani would watch - washing dishes or just enjoying the moment - and cheer for whoever was losing.

"You're losing!" I would discourage Koki, smashing him into the floor without mercy. Nani took a picture then. "Give up!"

"You give up!" he said back, only to be tickled vigorously on the ribs.

"No, you!" I yelled over our child's laughter, never letting up on my choice of torture. I've always been kind of a cheater. Sort of. "C'mon, say mercy!"

Koki withstood as much as he could, but after a minute, "OKAY, OKAY! MERCY!" He tapped out fast then scrunched up in a rolly-polly ball.

Tears keep falling. How strange is it that this lively child is now hooked up on life-support?

I bury my face in my hands. This has to be some form of karmic distribution. This is payback for when I yelled at him weeks ago for not doing his homework, for when I sent him to his room yesterday for talking back. Something; I did something wrong. Maybe he had a reason for both, and I just didn't see it.

She needs to hurry it up already. I called her a while ago to ask for her service, said it was an emergency. A dire need of her skills. I wasn't lying.

Please, Lord, if you're willing to accept my prayer, please give us all the strength to get through this. Please...bring my baby back to me.

Koki gives a shaky inhale and turns his head to the side. I smile a bit while watching and touch his warm hand. "Hit by a truck, huh?" I say, voice in tattered piece. "I told you to look both ways when crossing the street." Making a joke out this is enough to keep me from breaking down.

If he were awake, he'd give me a face and ready some excuse. We'd argue briefly about it and I'd win and he'd pout until dinnertime. I would eventually break and make his favorite as a truce. We'd be ourselves again.

I'd surprise him and tell him about the new proposition the Third established last month - Prop. 84 enables any minor shinobi above Chunin the automatic opportunity to test for a driver's license, after the permit and behind-the-wheel lessons, of course. Though Nani and I are morally against the idea of granting a thirteen and a half year-old the ability to drive, we also believe in responsibility. It would be a great lesson for Koki.

Yeah...he'd like that.

"Kushina."

My eyes dart up towards the voice I've been praying for. I wipe my eyes and stand respectively. "Tsunade," I say, "thank you so much for coming."

##

It's settled. Tsunade is going to save my baby. She has to. I paid her as much as she'd accept. Not cheap, really. I'll have to explain this one to Nani before he sees our next bill. She was considerate and only made me pay for the hospital expenses, said she'd take her share from there.

We're going to perform the surgery together in a week and a half. Quite a long time to wait, especially for Koki. I'm to disable the entire barrier and that's when Tsunade will remove it and summon her healing jutsu. It's not going to be easy; he'll most likely fall into the worst seizure yet. And even worse, he has to go in awake.

He was asleep for about two days straight. I just sat beside him, telling him more stories of his infanthood.

About a week later, on Monday, Koki is well enough to eat a little and stay awake and talk. He kept stuttering and repeating words and sentences days before. And he's connected to another ventilator and wheelchair again. I didn't say anything. He's having a good day today.

"Koki," I say, "don't pick at your food." It's really just plain white rice and three strips of grilled chicken. He, regardless, keeps picking at the meat, flipping it over, then stabs his rice.

"Not hungry anymore." he mutters.

"I'm sorry, but you have to eat." I say.

"I'm not hungry."

I take the fork out of his hand and scoop up a little bit of rice and hold it up to his unwilling mouth. That crease in his nose shows up again and he jerks away from the fork. A toddler again. "Nuh-uh." I lightly admonish. "Open up."

A moment's hesitation feeds into obedience. He opens his mouth slowly and by an inch. I need the steadiest hands to get the bite inside his mouth without spilling. He just pouts.

"Good?" I ask, tone too upbeat for the occasion. His eyes meet mine. I raise my eyebrows to pry out an answer. Eventually a smile forms and a small laugh. He shakes his head at my optimism.

"Can't believe you made me eat that crap."

"You have to eat for your medicine." I remind him, cutting up small bites of chicken for him. Smaller than what you'd give a baby.

"It's hospital food." Koki says, smartly, fidgeting with his breathing tube. "They know how to suck the flavor out of everything."

"Don't be difficult, baby." I smile. Always one to fuss when given the chance.

Koki touches the bandage over his stitches. It's still tender, I can see when he flinches and drops his hand. I keep chopping up food. For an ICU patient, he looks pretty okay. Not as gruesome as you'd expect. I'm glad, but still, Tsunade better do the job I paid her to do. I don't mean that aggressively, but...desperately.

"Okaa?" I look at him. His eyes are wide, wanting. "I want...I wanna go out."

"You want to walk?" I ask. "We can after you finish your food. We'll go around the corner this time, okay-"

"No," he sounds annoyed a little, "I mean out out."

He means outside the hospital. He's been stuck inside since he arrived. Being coped up somewhere, especially a hospital, isn't fun at all, I know. But outside...? "What?" I blink, dumbfounded that he'd ask that. "No. No!"

Koki half-speaks, half-whines, "Okaa-"

"No! I'm sorry, honey, but we just can't afford to-"

"Okaa." The face he's giving me is heartbreaking. I can read his eyes: please, I might not have much longer. He can't bring himself to say it to me, but it's just as effective. He may look well enough now, but who knows what tomorrow brings? He could be gone. I blink back tears and whisper, "Just this once."

My heart is telling me to say yes. But what if something bad happens and I don't know what to do? What if he breaks into another seizure? What if the pain's too great in his head that he-

"Mrs. Namikaze," the same doctor from before touches my shoulder, "he can go. He just has to bring his machine."

"He's been talking about the training field for days." a nurse says. She comes over and gives Koki a stern look to finish his food. "Eat." She pinches his cheek. He immediately flushes and does so. Why can't he be that easy with me?

"It's not that bad a day out, I'd say." says the doctor. Koki doesn't take kindly to his hand being on my shoulder for this long. It's probably subconscious.

Koki, breaking his disapproving leer, looks at me, eyes begging. I sigh and rub my temples. I need to calm down. If I try to keep Koki from touching anything for the rest of his life, I'll go crazy and he'll go crazy. We'll be psychopaths together. "Okay." I say. The nurse takes and squeezes my hand. But I can't feel it. "Fine."

Another huge risk.

##

We're having a small picnic at the training field, just watching nature go about its day. We have an old blanket under us. I have Koki between my legs, a huge comforter wrapped around us both. I might just fall asleep.

His breathing machine is standing upright next to us. I fed him some red Jell-O and pudding earlier. It took a long time, but I got it in him. He just got off the phone with his Ani. It's sad that he can't be here, now of all times, but he has very important things to do. The Third couldn't even call him back since he's on the frontlines.

There's a gentle breeze coming by every now and then. It's not too hot or too cold. The weather really is perfect. Koki shivers once, so I pull him closer to my body and tighten the blanket around him. His hands and feet are under-oxygenited. His hair still reeks of medicine and rubbing alcohol.

I think he's dozing off; his head is leaning back on my shoulder and his body is falling limp. I brush his bangs out of his face and put my face close to his forehead, taking in the scent that's all too familiar. Call me ridiculous, but I can still smell baby powder on him.

"Hey-yo! Kakashi!"

"Kashi! Ms. Kushina!"

Koki's friends, all of them, come walking towards us. I smile at first, then look worriedly at him. He's...not in socialization condition. There are dark rings under his eyes, his skin is paled to nearly grey, he's too skinny, and reeks of hospital air. He'd look bad enough without his ventilator. Koki's eyes open and he lifts his head.

Guy is the first to approach - of course, because he's sprinting. He comes to a skidding stop and strikes a dramatic pose. "So this is where you've been hiding, Ka-kashi!"

"Well, actually, Guy-"

"No excuse!" Guy flashes a wide, broad smile with a clenched fist. "You cannot delay our rival battles any further! No sir, the steel bond intertwining us - the Copy Ninja and the Handsome Blue Beast of Konoha - will NEVER be broken so long as we have our youth-"

"Yeah, yeah. Okay, bruh." Koki sighs. Man, just listening to that rant is exhausting! It's a mystery how he puts up with that. Then again, Koki often comes running in the house saying that he's hiding from someone.

Shizune goes straight to Koki, who casually looks up at her, moving off my chest. She's smiling, concern in her eyes. "Kashi-"

"Bug-Eyes." He smirks in his usual way. His eyes trail to the rest. "It's been awhile. Asuma, Kurenai, Iruka."

After Shizune, Kurenai looks the least surprised. Last time they saw him, he was hit by that truck. Asuma's holding his breath; he sits down before us. "Dude," he sighs and rakes a hand through his hair, "Kakashi, how the-" he stops, "if we had known-"

"Naw." Koki waves a dismissive wave. "Don't worry about it. I didn't say anything, so no sweat."

I'm debating whether or not I should leave and give him some time with his friends. I don't want to be a helicopter parent, but at the same time, who wouldn't be when their child's in such a bad condition? When I move an inch to distance myself, Koki grabs my ankle and tells me it's okay through his eyes.

Guy beats them all in being shocked. His eyes are all big and he - yes, Might Guy - is frozen in one place. "What happened to you?"

"Hah!" Koki laughs almost bitterly. "Where to start, where to start..."

"Guy." Shizune stops this. "We shouldn't crowd. Please excuse us Ms. Kushina. We were just passing by."

"It's okay as long as it's okay with him." I smile. "I don't mind." I sure hope not. This...isn't an easy situation for anyone to understand, obviously, but it's even harder for the person going through said situation to try and explain.

"That my cue to tell my epic tale?" Koki asks, sarcastically. All eyes on him. "Well, for those of you who haven't found out through some...odd event," probably meaning the girls, "I'm epileptic. To be brief, I, uh..." He glances at me. I nod. "There's a barrier inside my head that blocked some memories from when I was young. Now there's something wrong with it, and that's causing my brain to be a shit."

"Nice wording, Koki." I say, unintentionally, aloud. Speaking of shit, I wonder where his so-called girlfriend is.

He winces. "A-anyway, that's been causing a whole bunch of other stuff that's...affecting me. Plus, getting hit by the truck hasn't helped at all. But...I'm okay."

Everyone looks appalled. Koki rubs the back of his head, accidentally moving his tube to the side. I hold my breath, but let him fix it on his own. He clears his throat, now looking down at his hands. "I'm sorry; I should've said something instead of just disappearing like I did."

That makes them all freeze completely. Asuma is the first to talk, cracking a smile and nudging him, gingerly. "So, epilepsy and a ventilator is what it took to get the great jack-ass Kakashi to apologize, huh?"

Koki laughs. "Yeah, don't expect any more."

"I'm sorry, bruh." Asuma says.

Iruka finally jumps in, "We should've known you had a reason all along."

"I should've done more." Kurenai admits. "I should've visited you more after I had found out."

Shizune rubs Koki's hand softly. His face is a little red. "No, you guys had no idea. It's fine - don't blame yourselves." To lighten the mood, he adds in, "So annoying."

"Don't think just because you're with Kushina I won't kick your butt, shorty!" Asuma goes off. Kurenai nudges him, laughing lightly.

"Bring it." Koki asserts.

They go at it for a bit until everyone else starts to join in the Koki-roasting. It's pretty hilarious, the way they taunt and insult each other and call it fun. Reminds me of Nani, Fu, Ko, and I when we were younger. We were trouble together, causing havoc where we walked. It was always Nani or Ko that got us out of consequences.

I smile when I see that he has these kids as his close friends. Koki doesn't make friends easily, but when he does, he sticks with them for a long time. That's the smart way to do it.

After they leave, when I ask Koki how he is, he just says, "I'm fine." After that, nothing. Next Wednesday can only come so fast.


	28. Ch 28: Kakashi

**Hey-oh! It's been FOREVER since the last time I uploaded, it seems like. Well, these are the final four of this story. Enjoy!**

_**KAKASHI**_

ANI ONCE SAID: EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Nothing in your life occurs out of random. If you lose, say, a precious heirloom, it's probably because you never appreciated it in the first place. Or if you break your mom's vase, chances are you didn't give a big enough shit to be cautious around it. Vases don't move once they're placed.

That's just the way it happens. And that's what I'm trying to figure out right now. I know that I've got a load of things I should be sorry for, and I am. Should I even attempt to name them all, I'd be sitting here for hours. That'd just waste more of the time I'm trying to conserve.

Some of the heaviest baggage I'm carrying are: treating my parents like trash and under-appreciating everything they've done, resenting Ani for not being home for me and Okaa right now, and taking this life - a life with such great people - for granted. Such a waste of time. You'd think my goddamn girlfriend would be here when I need her.

Well, ex-girlfriend now...

Everyone has a time limit, even if we act otherwise. It's despicable that I've spent mine cursing the wind, fighting everything. Again, pardon my French, just being a little shit. You'd think, someone who's dying should be more focused on...well, dying. I am. It's hard not to. Every time Okaa asks what I want for dinner, I have to hold back an 'Everything, because this is my last meal.'

But it's hard to leave behind all the damage I've caused and expect it to be cleaned up.

That's just the way I am, I guess. If I had more time, I'd fix myself. I'd turn my sorry-ass around and start over. A brand new me. No more being a jack-ass.

It'd be worth not having to worry about liquid filling my lungs if I try to lie down or if the next day's my last day.

Dying suddenly makes you grateful, yet greedy. You say you're ready, but are you really? Or you'll start being thankful for what you were given, but then wish you had more. And it's not a bad thing - it just means you've realized your true fate or recognized what really satisfies you. Approaching death, perhaps, is a glimpse of your own soul, and whether or not you are satisfied with it is up to you.

To say I'm looking death in the face is just plain stupid. Like, seriously, does it have eyes to stare back? I don't care if it's just a metaphor or whatever, it doesn't make sense to me. You never actually gaze in death's eyes and death never comes knocking on your door. That would give you options. You can close your eyes and you can ignore the door. If that's what you choose. Yeah, being watched and the knocking will get annoying as all hell, but that's the choice you make.

It's always been inside you. A necessary part of your soul - materialized in your DNA, absorbed in your blood. You can dream about it and such. Fear it. But there's no escaping it, even if there is a choice.

So, it'd be more appropriate to say that death is taking over my body and there's not a damn thing I can do about it. Nope, that's all in God's hands now.

I don't like thinking like this - Okaa hates it, so I don't say anything aloud. Speaking of Okaa, she put me in her and Ani's bed so that she can watch me. She's asleep next to me as I'm sitting up, the blankets on my lap.

When I look around - greet Okaa every morning, talk to Ani on the phone - I realize that I'm not ready to go. I am in the sense that the pain will be gone completely, but there's too much here I'm not willing to give up. I have a loving family, great friends, a girl I'm falling in love with.

I regret being a prick to everyone - genuinely, I do. I regret fighting this surgery for so long, even if I didn't know Okaa's reasoning. I regret thinking Ani doesn't love me because he's not here. I regret doing whatever I did to Master Jiraiya to make him hate me. I regret not being such a good boyfriend for Anko and friend to the group.

I guess, in some sense, surrender would be much sweeter if we all just learned to let go. Me in acceptance, my parents moving on with their lives, my friends going on to figuring out theirs. I can't even ask for a funeral - how demanding would that be? But you know how many people would come to my funeral? Forget morality. Just focus on the fact that I'm a total jerk. Lines would show up to dance on my grave, I'm sure. I can't even ask Ani and Okaa for a eulogy.

I'd hurt them enough by making them bury their child - considering I can call myself that. I lied to Okaa when I said I could handle this while thing weeks before. I lied when I said she didn't need to keep watch over me 24/7. Look at me now. I'm borderline back to being a toddler, shrinking back every time my heart beats, every time my lungs fill with air and small drops of liquid. Every time I seized are days off my life line, it seems.

But...God, if I make it through this, I promise to change my ways. I can't say I'll be 100% different - but I can damn well do better. Okaa always says I need to fix my attitude - I'll do that. Ani criticizes me on my cursing - I'll work on that. People go on about my disobedience - I'll stop being so stubborn and listen.

I won't be what I made myself to be. I'll be what Ani and Okaa have been trying to make me. Right.

They never deserved to go through what I put them through. I'm grateful - so I should show it. Prove it and put my love on display.

Anyway, next Wednesday's the big day. The day when anything could happen. I mean, anything.

Behind cream curtains shines the morning sun followed by chirping birds and snoring owls. The world's still asleep and missing such a beautiful, bittersweet sunrise. I didn't realize the time, I guess. Heh, what a waste of a night.


	29. Ch 29: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

TODAY'S THE DAY.

You'd think this would be a good thing for us. Koki getting that barrier out while being able to keep his memories. We'd be complete again. Better than that.

But no.

Today's a day of chance, of possibility. The day anything can happen. I could experience the worst nightmare possible if I fail or if the barrier's grip is too strong.

Please, Jesus, please protect him. Please give me the strength to go through with this and please guide Tsunade's hands with your power. Please, Jesus.

"Kushina," Tsunade opens the door behind me, "it's time. He's in the room already."

Sensei...please forgive me.

"Alright." I say, strengthening my voice. "Let's do this."

I follow her through a pair of double doors. The room instantly becomes colder. The only sound is the heart monitor. Koki's probably happy there's no needles needed. After all, he has to be awake during this. He's on the hospital bed, handcuffed to it in case of seizure. I hurry to him. "Pumpkin pie," I say, "you okay?"

He's not. I can tell in his eyes he's panicking and hating being chained to the bed. Regardless, he nods. "Okaa, if this goes wrong, am I going to die?" His voice is almost a whisper.

"It won't go wrong. Not as long as I'm here. And Tsunade's the best medical ninja we have." I reassure him.

"I'm _scared_, Okaa." I know it takes a lot for him to admit that. The fear must be serious. With reason.

"You'll be okay." I give him a promissory kiss on the cheek. "Don't be. We're not even cutting into you." I smooth his hair. "No needles, no sharp things. And look, you got to keep your hair!"

I keep my hand on his head. "You're not gonna die, because I said so."

"Wait, but that's not a real-"

"If you try to, you're grounded." I widen my smile, making his flare up. He nods in agreement. I squeeze his hand and turn to the nurses and Tsunade. "Ready?"

"Ready when you are." Tsunade nods.

I nod back and go to Koki's head, standing behind him. I look down at him as the nurses tie my hair back. "Don't worry." He blinks. "Okaa's got you. Now, just close your eyes and count to twenty, mkay? Slowly."

Koki does so immediately. The clock is set. I breath deeply and do a hand sign. "Releasing the barrier." I say, closing my eyes to concentrate. In a moment's time, the muscles in my arm contract. "Release!"

There's a sharp sound piercing through the air, and Koki breaks out a painful scream. His fists ball at the same time a frown forms on his brow. "You're okay." I take a much-needed breath and focus my chakra to my hands, starting from my heart. My hands glow with a hint of red.

"Beginning the extraction of the memory repression barrier." Tsunade says.

I place my hands on his head, locating the section of his brain where memories are held. At the same time, a seizure comes hard. Koki's shaking becomes so heavy and out-of-hand that it lifts him off the bed. The chains on the handcuffs rattle. It gets to the point that some of the nurses have to hold him down. This is by far the worse seizure he's had. The only way to stop this is to get that thing out of him. The heart monitor is screaming at me to stop, but I know I can't.

This should be quick anyway.

I let my extraction jutsu snatch the disintegrated barrier and slowly pull it out. It comes out thick and liquidated, like a goo. It has this ghostly flow to it, too. As I'm reeling, Koki stops shaking and freezes in agony. Like when you get stabbed and you're pulling the knife out. Slowly and engrossed on some random sight until it's safe to breath.

When it's out, his body drops lifelessly. Dead weight. Everyone freezes. The heart monitor is still going crazy and he's sweating. "Koki?" I say. He's staring wide-eyed at the ceiling, as still and grey as a corpse. It halts my breath - I don't think he even got to his twenty. I touch him. "_Koki?!"_

Relief comes in a bittersweet sway when I see his chest rise and fall slowly with a breath. I try to call him again, but my voice is empty.

Tsunade burns the remnants of the barrier. "His body is just in shock." She smiles. "Kakashi is going to be okay, so long as you are."

"I'm okay." I breathe. "I'm okay." My thumb smoothes over his wrist. They're tender from the handcuffs.

Tsunade comes over to stand by his head and places a hand over his eyes and another on his crown. Her eyes close and the Mystical Palm illuminates the room with green hue. "I'm repairing anything that was damaged by the extraction. This may take a while, so, someone grab Kushina a seat. I assume she doesn't want to leave the room."

She nods in agreement at me. "Thank you, Tsunade. Really." I sound like I'm begging. Again, Koki inhales deeply and lets it out slow before his head tilts to the side in slumber. A relaxed breath, almost. I feel I have done plenty - he must be taking that one for me.

##

Koki's resting now. It's been almost 10 hours. He hasn't looked this well and peaceful in a long time. No frown, no tossing and turning. No painful dreams. Just resting. I put my hand on his head and brush away his bangs.

Tsunade puts her hands on my shoulders and smiles down at him. "Little brat." I chuckle. "I think he'll be able to manage his epilepsy much easier now. I couldn't get rid of it, but I reduced the likelihood of seizures by almost 75%."

"Good." Tears of gratitude fill my eyes again. "I'll put in extra for this. You deserve it, Tsunade."

"Naw. Keep your money." She looks down at me. "A human life can't be bought or paid off. I'll take what I can from the hospital charges."

She hasn't changed.

"Now, he must take daily medication. I put in the prescription to the pharmacy, so pick it up on your way out." She adds, "And since this is Kakashi, whenever he feels or looks like he's getting his aura, tell him to calm himself or do it yourself if he's too panicked."

I nod. That will be easy. Koki's easy to startle and get riled up, but he's also easy to calm - when he's not annoyed or mad. That's when things get tough. I have to call Nani and Papa and Ko and Fu. Everyone! The surgery was a success.

If I hadn't used up my last miracle, maybe today, I did. And I don't regret it.


	30. Ch 30: Kakashi

_**KAKASHI**_

YOU KNOW THAT WEIGHTLESS FEELING YOU GET when you get something off your chest?

That feeling overwhelms me. Though I'm not all that knowledgeable about what Okaa and Tsunade did, I can feel a difference. The sensation of being light as a feather. Hah_, wow_, I really just said that...

When I wake up, I see all these colors: red, a lot of black, blond, brown. I already know who they are. Maybe it's selfish, but I was hoping to see a yellow when I came to. I'm not wanting to see white or purple, honestly. They obviously don't care, so I don't if they come or not.

But regardless, it touches me that all these people are here for me.

I feel a warm hand on mine, but Okaa is sitting on the other side. As my vision focuses, I see it's Né. "He's awake!" she says. Everyone turns to me, hopeful eyes wide.

"Koki's awake, Mommy!" Itachi exclaims. He's jumping up and down. He lets go of Ms. Mikoto's hand and runs to me, sitting on my legs. "_Koki!_ What happened to you?!"

I'm still a little disoriented, but I manage to think of a lie. "I was just a little tired, is all." I say. Okaa and Ms. Mikoto smile and Fugaku nods in approval.

Itachi mouths an 'oh' and pokes me in the head. Everyone flinches at the same time as I do. It's still tender there, but I laugh it off. "You need to sleep more!"

"Alright, Itachi. I will if you'd stop being a brat."

"I'm not a brat!"

"You are."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

"_Am not_!"

"Are too."

"Alright." Okaa stops us. My friends are laughing. "Honey, how do you feel?"

"Like I got hit by a truck." Oh yeah, that happened. Everyone freezes. Guess I can't use that exaggeration anymore. "I-I mean, fine-"

"MY RIVAL!" Guy comes barging through everyone and leaps high. Itachi moves immediately - and he lands in a tight hug on my body. Awkward as all hell, but if I could say one word, it'd be OW!

Everyone was screaming for him to stop, but he's...he's Guy. Né yells at him, "Watch it, Guy! He's still recovering!"

Asuma pulls him off, casually. "Yeah, man. Take it easy."

"Sorry, Kakashi." Kurenai apologizes.

"Yeah, you know him." Iruka adds.

I wave my hand the best I can. "Naw, it's fine." I look to Okaa. Her violet eyes meet mine immediately. I mouth my thanks to her and then to Tsunade. They both smile and nod, then hold their breaths when I close my eyes. These drugs are no joke. I frown while letting in a deep inhale and a heavy exhale to fend off exhaustion. While everyone's focused on Guy, I mumble to Okaa that I love her. She mouths it back with tears sparkling her eyes.

##

I. Am. Sick. Why? I don't know. How? I don't know. With what? I don't _freaking_ know.

Ugh, if it's not one thing, it's another. My body hates - no, despises me. It's a proven fact with scientific evidence written in textbooks. Call it Kash-ology or something - the study of dumb shit and bad karma.

Master Jiraiya brings me soup as I'm a coughing mess. I haven't coughed this hard since the last time I did too much weed. Like, my eyes are watering and my throat is a volcano.

"Here." He hands the cup to me as I'm sitting in bed - in couch? No, that doesn't sound right...

"Thanks." I say. It's still tense between us. So, to clear it all and take a chance with our rocky relationship, I ask in a mumble, "Would it be okay if I call you Sofu?"

He looks surprised at me. I give him a hopeful smile as he watches me for a moment, considering. In that small title, there is forgiveness for the way he treated me, an apology for whatever I did to make him dislike me, and a call for a new start between us. Cracking a smile, he shakes his head and slams a hand on my head. "Boy, where the hell do you get off calling me _grandpa_?!"

It's not all that sensitive anymore, but I still flinch. The hand starts to ruffle my hair. Thank God I got to keep it! I don't know what I'd do if I lost it. "You're...a strange boy, Kakashi."

"So I've heard." I say, laughing.

His hand goes down to my shoulder along with the warm smile that spreads on his face. The smile I've never seen before. The smile I never thought he'd ever give me. "Call me whatever you want."

For reasons unknown even to myself, I slam into him in a hug. His hands hover awkwardly over my shoulders at first, then he returns it. "I have to apologize to you, Kakashi."

"Why?"

"I've held a grudge against you since Shina erased your memory. Call it misdirected anger, I guess. But, nevertheless, I'm sorry for everything I've said."

"Sofu?"

"What?"

"Shut up."

Sofu recoils sharply, then chuckles at my attitude. It's nice to know we're okay now. Our family wouldn't be complete without a grandparent. It doesn't matter anymore that he wasn't there when I was dying or when I went into surgery. It doesn't matter that he was bitter towards me all the years ago. He's here now.

##

Sofu was pushing me around the park when we ran into Ms. Mikoto and Itachi. They were on their way to the school to pick up some things. Itachi took an immediate liking to my wheelchair and wanted to ride in my lap, but his mother said it was rude. I didn't care, honestly. We sat at one of the benches and talked for hours about nothing.

Geez, that reminded me, Okaa's been at the market for hours! Who can do that? I can only stand, like, two there until I start going crazy.

As if on cue, she comes in just as Sofu was going to call her. Bags are wringing from her arms, but she's getting around okay. She smiles brightly. "Hi, baby." She kisses my hair. "Thanks, Papa. I didn't mean for it to be this long."

Sofu puts a hand up. "Naw, sweetie. Don't worry." He smoothes my hair. "We're okay now."

"Sofu took me to the park." I say.

She gives her dad a look, then eases up. "Well, did you thank your...Sofu?" She must be surprised that I'm calling him that.

"Mm-hm."

She kisses Sofu on the cheek. He waves on his way out and, shocking the entire universe, smiles at me. "Cya, Koki."

"Bye!" I say, through coughs.

##

Okaa feeds a group of ducks a few bread crumbs and laughs as they fight to the death over them. They all scatter in fear, though, at the rambunctious sound of my coughing.

Trust me when I say - mucus tastes awful. It's, like, thick and salty blobs of goo. Nasty. I think me being sick came from all the hospital drugs. They put a margarita of steroids and painkillers in me like it was nothing only to then fill me up with something for dehydration.

I felt like a vegetable - being hooked up to machine and tubes and unable to walk. AGAIN. Okaa said the removal of the barrier affected my body a lot. It was like a double-edged sword; healing by hurting. I'm just happy as all hell that it's out, but even better, I have my memory. The truth about me and Okaa and Ani.

And it feels good. I feel good. Everything's brighter, merrier, sweeter. No more secrets and mysteries. We can actually be a family now. A real family. Heh, who would've thought Kakashi Hatake could be so emotional...

"Koki?"

I look up. "Huh?"

Okaa's giving me a concerned look, a near-pout. The green trees make her hair look even redder. Her eyes a brighter shade of purple. "Honey, why're you crying?"

Why am I crying? I didn't even realize it. When the wind makes the tears cold, I wipe my face and shake my head, smiling. "Naw." I say. "It's nothing."

A couple under an umbrella stroll by. They both stare at me, then the woman starts whispering to her man, who chuckles and shakes his head. Okaa wraps the blanket tighter around me. She never really wanted to bring me here to the park. She scolded Sofu for it before. I told her millions of times that I'm not self-conscious - even though I am - about the wheelchair and the sick shadow to my skin. She didn't believe me, but agreed that I needed air.

I frown when Okaa shoves another cup of citrus tea in my hands. I give her a face. I already drank two cups of it. "You're not done yet." she says. "You've got a whole kettle of it."

I nearly gag. "You made THAT much?! That's, like, all the blood in my body!"

She smiles, evilly. "I know, which is why you're gonna finish every last drop of it."

"_No_, I'm not!" I whine. "Why do I have to?"

"Because you're sick." I blow at my hair, irritated. She nudges me. "Don't give me that attitude."

I switch my eyes to her, leering. "Don't feed me that crap."

Oops. Shouldn't've said that. "Don't insult my cooking!" Okaa's hair rises. I'm surprised she hasn't threatened to- "You're still young enough for a spanking, boy!" There it is.

"Okay, okay." I say, throwing up the white flag and drinking the damn tea. It tastes bitter, yet sweet. Not quite like orange juice, but sort of pulpy. I think my disgust is evident on my face.

Okaa runs her fingers through her hair. "You hate tea that much, huh?"

"Okaa?" My voice is fragile, and, as usual, Okaa catches note of it.

She stares at me. "Yes, honey?"

"Do you..." I slam my eyes shut, not knowing why I'm about to ask what I'm going to ask. "Do you really...love me? Like as family?"

"Of course. You know this. Ani and Papa do, too."

"Do you ever change your mind? Like, if I did something bad - and I mean bad as in something more than getting arrested-"

Okaa slams her hands down, frowning in this terrifying way. "Hey." Her stern tone makes me look up. "Don't ever ask me that. The answer's always gonna be no, because I won't." She softens her sharp voice and sighs. "You can't take love away."

I need to really prove it to myself. I need to know for sure. I have my reasons. "How do you know for sure?"

"Because it's true."

"How?" I ask, giving her my cup for another dreadful cup.

She smirks and pours some more hot tea. Steam rises into the air and disappears. "Because I know everything."

"Liar!" That makes me smile in return. I don't know why I thought of this - but I haven't worn my mask since Tengoku. No, before that when I was being tortured in Port City. It feels pretty good to let loose.

Okaa goes off laughing. A laugh so brilliant and healing. I can see what Ani sees in her. Well, not all of it because she's Okaa, but some of it. She ruffles her hair and flips it to the other side. "No more talking like that, mister."

I nod. "So, um...those dreams and all..." I blink, staring at my tea. "Those were real memories?"

Okaa watches me long and hard, then gazes at the lake with a sigh. The picture of not wanting to talk about it. "Yes. Repressed memories."

"Why did you it?"

"Well," she braids her hair loosely, "when I was around your age, when you were four, me and Nani were assigned an S-rank mission. Our first for the Leaf military. Chances of survival were slim, and if I were to die, I wouldn't want you to live with the feeling of losing me. You were so attached to me, it was ridiculous."

"So, you did it for me?" She nods. "What happened on that mission? Dad told me once, but I forgot."

She gets pale and my stomach churns. I close my eyes to calm it for a bit. "Nani and I were placed on a squad of 55, and only 5 survived. Him, me, and your father included."

"The Third allowed that?"

"He did."

"Bastard."

"Yeah, but you shouldn't say that, Kakashi." Okaa says. "So, what'd Papa feed you for lunch?" She's watching me cautiously. "Or maybe I'll guess by the colors."

"I'm not going to throw up, Okaa." I claim. "I'm not."

She shrugs. "You sure?"

"Yeah," I give in. "Although-" and ta-da! An ugly mix of green, orange, white, and tan come pouring out of me and into the bag she brought in case. I put it down and slouch. Never thought puking could hurt so bad.

Okaa pats my back, then leans over and peeks at the bag. "Ah," she smirks, "steamed spinach, carrots, rice, and chicken with miso soup."

"You're disgusting." I groan. She's totally on point, but that's just intrusive.

Intrusive. To think her being intrusive actually saved my life. I was given another chance to live a better life. And dammit, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Everything's resolved now.

Okaa's Okaa; Ani's Ani; Sofu's Sofu.

And I'm a different me. The me that's been waiting for the opportunity to shine. The me that can diminish the old.

Miracles and prayers, I guess, really do work. You just have to be worthy of rehabilitation and of change.


	31. Ch 31: Kushina

_**KUSHINA**_

THE ORANGE RAYS OF DUSK'S WELCOME SPARKLES through the village brilliantly. It's a cool evening; the song of birds become the harmony of crickets, the buzz of bees become the hoots of owls, the chuckles of squirrels become the howls of coyotes. The world is lulling itself to sleep.

I wipe my hands and remove dirt-stained gloves from my hands when a scarlet ibis lands gracefully by my garden. It rattles its body, thrusting exotic feathers everywhere, as if shaking off a winter chill. I watch it in amazement. Such a rare creature.

Piano music comes drifting through the air from the house. Must be Koki. I rolled him into the den about fifteen minutes ago - as he wanted some time away from his bedroom. I opened the windows wide for him. Bugs flying in always go back out anyway. Even for a bug, it's hard not to fall out an open bay window.

When I go inside I stand at the door to, as usual, observe, he doesn't notice me. He hasn't played in a while. Maybe it's because of Anko. Or maybe it's because of something related to the barrier being taken out. Maybe he's withdrawn or maybe he's just needing time away.

It could be that I'm over-thinking it.

I feel a smile surround my face. He stops suddenly, as if the music is sucked right out of his body. Fingers floating over the delicate keys, I notice how they shake a bit still from the medicine. From his developed autoimmune disease. I'm about to ask him if he needs pain meds when I see his hands drop to his lap.

Slowly he gazes out the window as the ibis lands toe-by-toe closer to my garden. It plucks out another worm and softens it with a sharp, beautiful beak. Koki tilts his head in interest when a smaller ibis comes beside it.

The mother then feeds her baby. I see him smile a bit.

When it falls, he looks down in his lap and adjusts his hands on the armrests of the wheelchair. I'm tempted to rush in and stop him as I notice he's trying to stand. But no. Instead I'm left supporting him.

His arms shake, but not as violently as his legs. They wobble so hard, I'm fearful he might collapse again. I'm ready to pounce if I see the slightest slip. He frowns in the effort, the skin on his forehead sprinkled with empowering sweat.

_He stands!_

My heart is pounding so hard, it steals my words. Casually, he walks slowly over to the window and sits on the sill, exhausted, taking a long breath and bows his head to rest.

I can't hold back a gasp. He cranes his neck around to look in surprise at me, silver hair being teased by the caressing midsummer wind, silver-cyan eyes glistening orange in the eventide rays. He blinks all bemused at me, then a smile - a smile so soft and tender - rises on his face. A smile I've never seen before; it's amused, humble, and loving. Youthful, yet mature.

I approach him, tears falling in overwhelming joy, and sit on the sill beside him. Words fail me, so I just take his hand, unable to stop the tears and laughter. It hit me like an undertow.

Koki's eyes form water , but nothing falls. He, still throwing me off with that foreign smile, puts a hand on my cheek and thumbs a tear away, reversing the roles.

We both jump with a startle when the sound of a taxi engine rumbles in the air. We look out the open window to see Nani stepping out the backseat, looking worn, but gleeful as always. The Third granted him a promissory break after his last mission, so he'll finally be home. With us.

The energy in the room rises with excitement. Koki looks like he really wants to burst out in celebratory tears. The ones that he didn't shed after the surgery.

Now, at the sight of his Ani, he covers his eyes with a hand just in time for tears to trail down his face. He wipes them away quickly and smiles wider. "This's life, Okaa." he says, glancing up at me.

I kiss his hair and take his face in my hands, thumbing away the rest of his tears. "Yes." I agree. "It is." Nani gets his bags out of the trunk, pays the driver, then taps the hood as a farewell. He waves to the distant cab and picks up his bags.

Koki is sitting here with me, but I can feel the electricity of his eccentric joy radiating off every wall. I squeeze his hand and let go, making him look at me. "Go." I say, nodding towards his Ani.

Excitedly, he forces his legs to support his weight and with every step grants flashes of strength. When I see him exit the house, I notice he's running. I gasp to myself. I hear him scream 'Ani' and Nani's head lifts quickly, hair lashing about. He mutters 'Kakashi', then drops his bags and shouts back '_Squirt_?!' I place a warm hand over my heart when I watch him open his arms just in time for Koki's legs to give - just in time to catch him in a bear hug, lifting him up high. I hear their laughter, see their smiles.

When Koki looks up at him, Nani brushes back his bangs and gingerly inspects the scar from the truck accident. The concern flushes away to a sweet smile when he brings Koki's head back against his body and holds him close again.

This is the way it should always be. As a family of Jonin, we undergo hectic times with schedules clashing and dangers abroad. We've seen crazy in and out of the house.

But now, we need to slow it down again. Ease up on life and just enjoy each other.

Yeah...

We could use a little easy.

_**THE END**_

_**[[April 2014 - April 2015]]**_

_**Thank you all for reading/reviewing. I appreciate it, always. If you enjoyed 'Blinded By Fault' and 'The Pianist', please follow me over to the next story following those two! It will be entitled 'Evergreen'. Hope to see you over there!**_


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